Find Ancestors

Please don't be put off posting on this site. People are concerned that relatives, the older ones in particular, can be very upset if they discover unpleasant details about their family on the net. They themselves may not have been aware.

That's why we suggest that potentially sensitive information (and the names of living relatives) is not posted.

Carry on asking questions - if the GR community can help, it will.

:-D

Olive.

I really object to the tone and content of your comments aimed at myself and others who contribute time and effort to assist others tracing their trees whether it is for a 'newbie' or an 'old hand' who needs another set of eyes.

You are saying that if you don't agree with what we post, it's our attitude and this site is a waste of time. It's not our attitude; it's yours. And this site is full of very wonderful people.

I want to know about my past; warts and all. There are few of us on here without something unpleasant. But I am mindful when people directly involved may still be alive. Finding someone who committed a serious crime over one hundred years ago is totally different and I wish that you could see that but you have not considered, or even seem to care the effect such personal information in the public domain might have on others. It may be history to you but there are lots of us who were around then.

I'm assuming that you have no family that you can ask about this. Right at the beginning I posted advice on how to help you find what you needed. Advice is just that and you were advised by several of us when you began this thread originally to consider the information that you posted.

But as you have now suggested that you have family who might come on here and find out, why can't you ask them about it if no one is bothered about what happened?

Please, though. Read the terms and conditions for posting. They are there for a reason, even if some of us sometimes shake our heads.

Susanne

Quote.
'All the bossy boots have started again. It is Olive's perogative what she writes about her family. brummiejan how dare you. For your information Broadmoor has 2 sections the prison and the mental unit.

cupcakes - not everybody lives in an ideal world. My grandfather hung himself - do we care his death cert is online for the world to see

Everybody appreciates the help but not the don't do this and don't do that. Don't post here -duplicates. You should say this and you should say that'

You attack on Jan is undeserved and offensive. Those who posted in response have said it very well, I will add only this to it.

I help out on here, sometimes ignoring the research I could be doing myself but others have helped me so the favour is returned or passed on. I have the utmost respect for others on here and the advice that they give me. I gave advice to Olive and so did Jan. But in your eyes, we are 'bossy boots'.

Fair enough. You are entitled to your opinion. I'm glad I found out your opinion of me because it means that the next time I see a post from you, I'll ignore it and go help someone else.

Jill

Well said Jill.

I think what people don't realise is that if you put someone's name into a general google search, and if that name has been posted somewhere on the GR boards, then it will show in the google results for all to see (unlike the info on death certificates which can only be seen by actually obtaining the death certificate in question). There are a LOT of people who put their own names, and those of friends and relatives, in google just to see what comes up.

The GR boards are NOT closed or private which is why we are always respectful of people's privacy. We also expect people to be respectful of our methods as they are so for a reason.

As for Olive saying the site is a waste of time, well - we are not the site. The site is operated by Genes Reunited and the only connection we have with that is we are paying members who help other members.

Hear hear.....Jill and Marie

Good point about the death certficates MC, plus people often want 'free' information and buying the certificate is not something they might consider....and you can only buy the certificate if you have the name and date of death

Plus on the persons death certificate, it wouldnt give any details as to why she was imprisoned

I also think that whilst respecting the living we should also show at least a modicum of respect to the dead

:-)

Hear Hear All....Olive, nobody is being judgemental but you have to be mindful of the sensitivities of others. If you feel that the "site is a waste of time" then simply don't ask for help.

Jill you mirror my thoughts entirely. I try to help out because I have been helped so much. I am righted where I have strayed, I received guidance where I have doubted. And for my input into the pool I do not deserve criticism as I do not have to do it :-)

P.S. MC....I really hoped my latest marriage certificate would have arrived today (james Mead)...but it didn't....so I might just have to have the glass of shiraz you wagered (on your behlaf of course because I think you are right) :-)

Have just come back for a look. I couldn't care less what Susanne thinks, but must admit I was a little upset by Olive's reaction as I hoped I had behaved like a grownup by explaining what I did and why - I didn't have to tell anyone it was me after all! And I never meant to cause offence. But you can't win 'em all.

If people disagree - which is their right - there is still no need to be offensive. And Genes has the last say when all is said and done.

Other members' views that it was the right thing to do - or at least that I have a right to do it without being dealt abuse - are very reassuring, Thank you for that folks.

Jan

Jude....did you mention wine :-D


Pour me a glass, I'll be over in a tick.....I need one, Im watching the Sheffield Utd match at Wembley :-0 :-0 :-0

Hi Jan, and Marie and Gems and Jude,

I too say thanks because I was unsure about posting what I thought.

True it's only sticks and stones and I'm not going to be losing sleep over any of this but I wasn't about to ignore the offensive comments aimed at you, me and others on here. I hoped that I had expressed myself well and strongly without being guilty of becoming as abusive as those to whom my comments were directed. I'm glad I did.

Just Jill

I did wonder if you were watching the match Gins.

Looks pretty boring to me.

I haven't been to Sheff U's ground for years and years. And never been to Huddersfield ever.

Looks like another penalty shoot out but still twelve minutes for that to change.

I'll pick you up and we'll head to Judes. It's not good for her to drink all that wine by herself. We should be good GR friends and help her with it ;-)

xJ

Ha ha Gins....0-0 eh????? I've switched from footie to cricket now though after Glamorgan capitulated (again) today) I really don't know why!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jan you were right.

Jill good on you.

We are part of team that GR should be proud of..all amateurs with a shared passion. I have benefited so much since I started posting both for me and from helping others :-)

I meant by a waste of time because i asked for help, you did not agree with what i wrote which as you all said you have your own opinions which is fair enough but then you have attacked me because i have an opinion, and then if you read back through all the post they are nearly all just attacking each other, thanks to everyone.

I just knew if I opened my mouth I'd get a rush of comments. The point of what I said seems to have got lost in the heat of exchange.

There are many people who help others on this site - marvelous - many mysteries solved.

You either help or you don't - freedom of choice.

What I take great exception to is those that tell others what to do. What they should or should not do even down to making comments about what they write even about their own family. It comes across as very scarey and intimidating. Family research is about history and secrets - tough if anybody doesn't like it.

carry on everybody :-D

Olive, having read back objectively through the posts no-one has attacked you, people have by and large given you constructive advice. If you feel that being disagreed with is being attacked then so be it.

Any criticism was directed towards those who come in with worthless opinions and no constructive advice, namely Susanne (and it's not the first time she's done that). We most certainly were not attacking each other - are you choosing to ignore the posts of support given to each other and the friendly banter?

Last post...

Gins..sorry - have a wine in commiseration!

MC - "speak" Monday after the post has arrived :-)

Olive - sorry. Nobody was attacking you. We have all tried with constructive advice. Perhaps we need to agree to disagree.

Susanne..nobody tells others what to do or not to do. We all try to be constructive within GR rules. What I tried to say earlier is that not all "family" are into this; not all "family" are aware of the secrets that may be revealed. And they may not want to know. What Olive perceives as "open knowledge" isn't. There may be people in her family that she is not aware of who really do not know about this and would be alarmed by it.

Jude :-)

It's all a matter of balance though Susanne. You say i can write what I like about my own family. Can I? I do not think so.
For example, if I knew a relative was a criminal in the past, but his children did not know, does that give me the right to make it public for all to see? In your world perhaps, but not mine.
I have posted unwisely myself now & again, and only when others point it out do you realise it wasn't a good idea. We are so keen to follow our history it is easy to get a bit carried away sometimes.
Jan

So Susanne

Why do GR have an RR button? Its to help ensure that THE GR rules are not contravened. And its all OK while 'us' members use our subs to help others but dare we have an opinion............cripes....how dare we

I see there has been RRing since you came online ;-)

Olive, you could still get help from members by asking a vauge question about your grandmother and asking members to PM you,


Edit: I found your name.address and phone number....'ll not post it though! Susanne F

Olive

I'm sorry that you have taken things the way you have ............

........... it was all sincerely done, mainly because we all know that this site is not a safe site, and that information posted on here can, and does, appear on Google within minutes.

We're all very conscious of the effect that there can be on people who see the name of a family member on Google, and then find out what has been alleged for them.


It's OK if everyone in the family knows about the "happening", whatever it might be ......... bigamy, child out of wedlock, homosexuality, assault, etc .......

........ but not if they either do not know, or do not want others to know.


I think you have also mis-read the postings on here ................ most have been extremely supportive of each other, and helpful and constructive to you.


Susanne is the only one who has taken people to task, and been extremely rude to, and about, every other poster on here. This, unfortunately, is not the first time she has done this.


Like Jan and the others ............... I do not believe that I should be able to post everything, good or bad, about my family or OH's family on GR, and be damned to every other member of my family. I DO know things that others do not know, but I'm holding those secrets to myself, not allowing them to get onto the world wide web.



Having said all that ................ there are ways and means for you to get help on this site, doing most of it through the internal mailing system (known as the personal message, or pm)




May I suggest that you follow some of the information already given to you, and see what you can find by checking old newspapers (think the area where your grandmother lived, and contact the local library or Local Archives), and the other sites.

Then come back and ask a circumspect question on the open site.


No-one is refusing to help you ................... we just do not want to provide information on the open thread.




Good luck





sylvia

Hi Olive,

I agree with what others have said on this thread about posting such personal information.

I helped someone recently who was looking for details of a relative's suicide which took place quite a long time ago.

I found a newspaper report and posted the details, for which he was extremely grateful. It wasn't a particularly traumatic report, just giving the facts.

He then sent me a pm saying that he had just realised that his cousin, who was, I think, more closely related to the deceased, would be extremely upset if he were to read the details on here and so could I delete them from the thread so that he could pass on the information personally. - This, I did.

This is an example of how things, quite innocently posted on here can have a very disturbing effect on other people's lives and so is the reason why everyone was giving this advice.

Anyway - I do have access to several newspapers and so if you want me to take a look for you to see if I can find anything, I would be happy to do so.

If so, please send me the details by pm and I will have a look around.

Best wishes,

Dea x

Hi Dea

Your comments are accepted about your own experience. Some real horror stories in my family as well.

However I feel that people researching should be left alone in what they write about there own family. It is their call and judgement - other people should butt out. It can be intimidating to say the least. :- :-D :-D :-D