Find Living Relatives

Hi there

I am looking to get in touch with my biological mother but not quite sure how to approach or get in touch with her.
Does anyone else have any experience or ideas?
I have found her birth certificate and 1 of her sisters has a tree on here and think i found another of her sister on facebook just don't know what to say.

Suggestions welcome

Thanks

I see a lot have looked but no one has posted , possibly because it is very difficult to advise as all circumstances are different,

The advice I would give is to be very discreet, especially if you are going to try and make contact via your mum's sisters. They may not know about you, nor may your mum's family. Send a general message on here to the sister perhaps saying just that you believe you may be related to ( name) and give your name and year of birth, and then wait. ( you can see if the message has been read as the 'envelope' in your 'sent messages' will disappear)

Ditto if you use FB, a short message, not stating what you think the relationship is, just that you are interested in contacting someone of that name who 'may' be related.

Remember you may have the wrong person, so be very cautious as you could cause upset to a completely unrelated family.

If it is the right person, don't expect an answer straight away, they will need time to think. Don't phone, or turn up at an address. If possible get an address and write. a short letter, Put in an SAE so that they don't have to pay to reply to you.

I'm sure someone with personal experience will add more advice. :-)

There is no easy way when contacting a family member where adoption is concerned as in your case,,,,,,,,,as the crunch will come when they will want to know why you are making contact.,,,,,,,you cant keep the word *Adoption* **a secret whether they know or not,.

****Why not seek out the person you are looking for from the onset and use the other channel ie sisters as a last means for now.****

like lots of others I have read your message and not wanted to add my own opinion

Its a very private route you are on and you wont know what the reception could be

Some mums dont want contact with a child they gave up for adoption for many reasons and that can be hard for the child now looking for answers.

Have you got your adoption file?? this will give an insight into the circumstances of your birth and the decisions made.

It is recommended that adoptees go through an intermediary before any contact is made with a birth family.

You don't know,I presume whether other family members would be aware of your birth .

Can only suggest you tread carefully but please do be aware that you may get rebuffed.

Have you checked to see if her name is on the adoption contact register, in which case she would be open to approaches?

Just wanted to say..........

Welcome to the boards Gembo. :-) x

Thank you everyone for all your comments.
Obviously I know it is a touchy subject for all involved, I have never really been interested in getting in touch until my own daughter was born just under 3 weeks ago.
I didn't think of the adoption register so will have a look into it.
I do have information on why I was adopted and it was just basically she was too young and kept it hidden until it was too late and her parents too old to look after another child.

Hi Gembo,
I am currently in the process of trying to find my adopted sister so empathise with the situation you are in.

hiya gembo,i would try and aproach the sister,im searching for my niece who was adopted out,and would love for her to get in touch,after reading alot about this it seems to be other family members who are approachable,good luck with your search,i do hope you find her :-) :-)

Hi there thank you for your message. I did actually send a message in the end to her younger sister a week ago now but she hasn't replied. Maybe they just don't want to know.
How lovely that you are searching for your niece I hope you manage to find her good luck ????

What did you say in the message? Maybe her sister didn't know about you..... Really you should approach the person that knows - your birth mother.

If you sent a message to the one with a tree on here - has she opened the message?

If you sent a message to the one on facebook, if the message went into the 'other' folder, she may not be aware that she has a message there.

I sent the message to the younger sister via Facebook saying - Hello,

I'm sorry to trouble you and apologise this is a bit of a random message.
I am currently researching my family tree and was just wondering if you one of the daughters of John Baron and Barbara Woodall / Baron? Are you sisters to Julie, Ann, Susan and Karen?

I don't think it implies too much?

It is a good neutral message.

As I said above, if you are not her friend then the message might just go into 'other' and she may not see it at all.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Hello Gembo1985.

Not sure if you have found your mother, but there are some ways to get around heavy surprises.

Clearly you are a person with feelings for others, but this is 2014 and I am sure you can handle a direct approach to your mother, without charging in. Guess you have tried:- (and a similar approach to family members).

I am trying to trace a............ (without stating your reason) and I am wondering if you may be that person. This being your first approach, you can then use the test to see what reaction you get. You are expecting them to say 'why', which would indicate they are a bit aware of what this may be about. I would take charge of the questions and your answers and stick with 'its of a delicate nature so are you....person and then you will gauge the depth of caution and how far to take the approach.

I see nothing wrong with being devious to begin with - you will soon know if you are getting a reception or not. You can back off or take it further depending on how it is going. If it is your mother, she will know I am sure where this may be leading.

We feel for you as the 'not knowing' is very hard to take, but you must do it now before time denies you your family.

By the way - the sister may be away - holiday or just not a regular online. Have your thought of that. I have waited sometimes a month before a reply and then bravo - one pops up, sometimes with good results, sometimes not.

Good luck and best wishes for a good outcome.

Sappho

Some great advice on here - well done helpers.

Sappho

Yes some really helpful advice thank you to all.

Yes I have thought she may not have seem the message but she is a pretty regular user from what I have noticed as she doesn't keep anything "private".

There is the issue that she is also not aware of me as she is 10 years younger than my biological mother therefore would have been around 6/7 years old by the time I was born.

If all else fails there are always the agencies but just reluctant to do these at this present time.

Regarding Facebook, I sent a message to somebody I wasn't friends with and the message I sent is sitting in my 'other' folder, so I am assuming that it was also delivered to the 'other' folder of the recipient.

My messages also get date stamped when they have been seen, so may be worth having a look at your sent message to see if it gives any clues as to where it is sitting, or if it has been seen & not responded to.

I hope you have some success soon.

Thank you. Well I tend to use phone or iPad which uses messenger so there is only 1 folder it can go in.
I don't think she has read it yet because it's got an arrow still there

I use laptop tablet and phone.... Laptop has two folders with the (other) I just looked at my Facebook messages on my phone and a message I received from a non friend which I have not replied to is not showing..... So if she is also using a mobile or tablet, it looks like she will not get it.

You could always send a friend request then a message