General Chat

Hello from a grey, very miserable Holland,

This is one of my very rare ‘appearances’ on the D/A thread.Keep meaning to post, but don’t, won’t even make up excuses.Have so many mails arriving every day, it is hard work to keep up with them-not saying I don’t appreciate or like people sending them-it just takes hours to reply.I don’t want to be sitting behind the p.c so much now, because my already rather poor circulation is being badly affected by sitting down for long periods.Am not complaining, just telling how it is.Have also so much going on, am trying to ‘stay afloat’, as it were, an uphill battle a lot of the time.Very difficult and upsetting!

W.N, your “black dog” description for depression is a very good one.Exactly how it feels.Horrible! Hope your B.D is under controle by now? I wish you a lot of strength with your battle.
Carole, have been thinking a lot about you lately.It is terrible to just sit on your hands, as it were, and watch a loved one in such a state.It is only 4 years ago that I watched helplessly whilst my beloved aunt slowly died over a period of 6 months…the last weeks being truly so horrific, I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. When my mother died in ’97, it was awful too, but, at least she was in a coma for the last week…
Hope your dad is able to get his appetite back somewhat, and is able to do more than sit and stare.Poor man,, and poor you.Hope you can find a decent nursing home for him very soon.Am sorry to hear you don’t get on with your mum, she could have been a bit of support for you during this difficult time.

Mary, you certainly are a gran in a million.It makes the mind boggle reading about all the things you squeeze into a day, don’t know how you manage. Poor little girl losing a beloved pet is aways very sad, she must be heart-broken, but, again, you showed just how good a gran you are, by taking MiniM and Em to Disney land in Florida….
Hope you don’t mind me asking, but what is a ‘bushel’, and what are ‘cucs’? I bought some nectarines at the local market on friday, am planning on making jam too, but will do it the Breton way, i.e dried spearmint added.This is normally done with apricots(and mint), but they looked so tiny and hard on friday. Have frozen blueberries (picked them ourself) and strawberries in, because I didn’t have the time to make jam with them, will do so soon. I use a special sugar, which means the jam is not very sweet and is ready one minute after you bring it to the boil.Never failed yet. Funny thing is, I don’t like jam, just enjoy making it and giving it as pressies. Oh yes, have also cooked and frozen rhubarb in, am planning on making rhurbarb and (fresh) ginger jam soon.

Sharron, those plums your dad picked, were they on a bush/tree that had long, very sharp thorns? My neighbour has a tree in his front garden with those lovely, sweet plums. They are called wild plums, they never touch them, always manitained they are poisonous, so I picked many, many kilos of them, gave a lot to one of my daughters in Amsterdam, put a lot in the freezer and ate countless amounts…lol ! The downside of that plum tree is, it is standing so close to the pavement (almost in my garden) that all the plums that constantly fell off, made a terrible mess on the pavement.Lots of complaints from people walking passed.I didn’t explain it wasn’t my tree, don’t want to make problems for the neighbours, as they are nice people.This year is had a bumper crop, never seen so many, but the terrible mini tornado we had a couple of months back, brought some branches down, and many kilos of fruit…they have decided to get rid of it in the autumn. Shame really, because it is such a beautiful, hopeful sight in spring with the lovely blossom…ah well…Mind you, there is a baby plum tree growing in my garden now…..ha ha…that will def.have to go before it becomes a nuisance.
Right, I will have to get oving before my backside gets stuck to the chair.
Have a peaceful day further and a ditto week head.

Eileen

Dear Carole, sending you strength to keep going, I know how hard it is to watch your Dad deteriorate before your eyes. Hopefully a comfortable place can be found quickly for him, so you can also have some rest.
I've been away for a week, made a quick decision to take miniMary and Em to Walt Disney World in Florida. The two of them needed some time to just be kids, to enjoy being sisters, having fun without the extra stressors they live with. I managed to surprise them, said we were going to a hotel for a few days and they only clued in when we arrived at the Buffalo airport. They have never before had such a bonding time together, it was a joy to behold. I was worried about whether we could make it through the week financially but the day we left for our trip , an unexpected rebate cheque came into my account, so I concluded that I was doing the right thing. I had a wonderful time with both girls, miniMary is much more relaxed and talked a lot while we were away, without the constant interruptions.. I remain concerned about her anxiety levels, but on the whole it was a therapeutic week.
Sarah and gareth were at day camp for the week so it was a good time to go. we will take the lot of them at a later date I hope - everywhere we went I heard comments about how Sarah or Gareth would love this . . . We have created a memory, these two girls deserved some extra attention for a change. Emlyn travelled very well, chatted up her neighbours on the plane and buses.

Now I am back and received a contact from GR which has helped me solve a puzzle I have struggled with for years. I think I have worked out that she and my children's father are third cousins - their great-grandmothers were sisters. I am absolutely thrilled.

group hug, and special thoughts to those who really need them today.
mary

Sorry haven't been able to get on, you all remain in my thoughts and close to my heart xxx



Copied from the other thread.

Thank you very much for all your good wishes. I have been unable to add as my computer is playing up! Have my daughters lap top here so taking the opportunity to let you all know what has gone on.

Mum called me Dad was ill and she had called an ambulance, I met them at the hospital where we were told after tests and an x ray it was probably pneumonia. After hours of waiting Dad got put on EAU and we were able to leave him. (He had a stroke seven years ago which left him paralised down his right hand side and took his speech).We had to stay to answer all questions about him. Six hours after getting to the hospital I got to bed at 2am.

Dad was moved to a ward next day. He was yellow and looked very ill. He deteriorated and by Sunday before bank holiday Monday the Dr sent for us and said his kidneys had stopped working and his other organs were giving up.His right lung was half full of fluid.The likely hood of him leaving hospital were very small. But they would continue to treat him. IF he survived till Thursday (because that is the only day they have the Dr's there to do the op) they could do a big op but he wasn't likely to survive it and if he did it would mean weeks in intensive care. Dad motioned not to have the op. But there was still a chance IF he survived to Thursday they could try doing endoscopy and if needed put in a stent to open blockage . This he had done and since that he has improved in colour but remains very sleepy. He just wakes and stares. He's hardly eating, just custard, ice cream rice pudding. Hardly been out of bed. Then we were told Tuesday this week they were looking to discharge him!! There is no way Mum can care for him like this any more. She has had seven years of doing everything for him. Care workers coming in for about a year, mornings to get him washed dressed and on loo.Then at night they get him into bed. So I am now looking for a nursing home even if its for respite care untill / if he improves. He is 81 Mum is 78.
I don't get on well with Mum so it's made even harder having to spend so much time with her!
Thanks again for all your caring thoughts xx

my "black dog" has returned its is and unpredictable and often ferocious beast it chases away reason and confidence and leave in its wake fear and self doubt, it makes question motives and your worth. I am not alone many people have their own "black dogs", the politician and Iconic states man Winston Churchill was one fo the first to call his depression a "Black Dog" and just look at what he managed to achieve.

Carole, I am also thinking of you about your dad. Hope all is well.

Maximary, I am also concerned for Minimary. What you said a couple of days back makes sense. I think a lot of teenagers go through a lot of lows, but this one seems particularly bad. More than just her dog dying, it sounds as if that was just the thing that tipped her over an edge.
Hello Dutch, I saw you there.
A few thoughts for my BIL (sister's husband). About 3 months ago he had a hip replacement. Some weeks later an infection took hold so they had to take it out, leaving him with no hip joint on that side which rather limits his ability to move around. He was due to have it put back on Tuesday, but when they opened it up it still had infection. From the way my sister described it, it is one of the nasty ones so 2 weeks more of different antibiotics then another wait until it can go in again.
He needs patience, my sister needs support as she is struggling a bit but doesn't want to admit it. After all, it was her older brother and sister that have mood disorders. Not her. Not much. Relatively speaking she seems OK but not brilliant at the moment.

To those I haven't mentioned Eileen and the rest of you know who you are. xxColin

Hi Carole,How is your Dad getting on sending postive rhoughts and prayers for you and your Mum ,and all the family
gentle((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))for you , and hope he isnt in alot of pain
Dutchxx

Carole, is there any news on your Dad, he is still in my thoughts.

I am off on holiday for a month tomorrow. Should still be on line though, maybe not as much.

Carole, have been thinking about you and your Dad, hope he is not in pain and maybe a miracle can happen for him and you.
Take care,

Lizxxx

Carole sending you hugs, love your Dad, I hope he can be provided some relief from his pain and anxiiety.
Love,mary

Carole, I am so sorry about your lovely dad.
I did not even see the report you put up about him, so it must have seemed to you that I did not care.
I do, very much.
Bless him, I hope he is a bit better today.
God Bless,
Deanna XXXX

Carole sorry to hear about your Dad, I hope he is not suffering too much. Thinking of you all

Poor little girl. How fortunate that she has an understanding grandmother.

However,if you had not listed all those things and had said she was very down then I would have thought she had some sort of illness.Poor little Mary is reacting as anybody would under such a shower of shot.

I was treated for depression when I was a teenager when,in retrospect,I can see that I was quite justifiably,desperately unhappy and pre-occupied with making some sort of sense of my misfortune.

Unhappy and bewildered isn't ill but it can make you ill.

Thinking of her and poor Carole.Good luck with your dad.

Sorry not to have been on for ages my computer has a virus, (so using Hayleys while it is here).
My Dad was taken to hospital Tuesday night I was there with my Mum and sister. We were told he had pneumonia at first. Then next morning they said it was gall stones (like last year, when he was sent home having nothing done). Now they have told us he has a stone stuck in a tube and his kidneys have failed. His other organs are giving up. The fluid in his urine bag is nearly black. We were told by a Dr he might not make it through the night and his chances of leaving hospital are very slim. Dad has been told, he had good spirits and was smiling. Will keep you all intouch.
Love Carole xx

Poor mini Mary, you can see why she gets so down, she does have a lot of perceived problems and, no matter how much you try to make up to her for her Daddy's failure Mary she is not going to forget them. Nobody could do more than you but it is hard on a little girl to carry the weight of two siblings with special needs. I do hope that you can fix this holiday for her and that counselling will help her. I guess she needs to feel special in some way. What does she really enjoy doing, is there anything there that you could use to make her feel better about herself? I don't think you need to feel guilty though as you do so much for all of them, it is just circumstance. and losing her special 'friend' is the last straw for her.

Deanna, you will see I am back, so will be around to chat.

Thanks for your comments, BUT, Ihave beenconcernedthat miniMary is depressed for some time now and this eventhasexacerbated her symptoms. we are arranging counselling with a psychologist to help her deal withsome of her issues whichstill are foremost in her mind -family breakup between her parents, the daily stress of two sibs with special needs, the expressed feelings that she and Em are not as special as the others because they don't need so much attention and money spent on them.
She also deals with a lot of anger towards her father whose parental efforts are less than effective or appropriate. he promised her that he would pay for her to go to the school which other friends attend (their school declared bankruptcy and she had to leave). her tuition had been partially paid because her mother did some work for the school, but the new school was just too expensive. She misses those friends and frequently comments that her daddy didn't do what he said he would.

Her coping skills are not well-developed, though she is wonderful with her sibs.
The new School term begins next week and I am trying to arrange to take the 2 girls away for a few days before it starts, for some fun and a break from the chaos. For all 3 of us. if it can be worked out, does anyone want to join me in Florida? The girls are totally unaware of my plans so I hope it will be a great surprise for them!!
Sorry to rattle on, I am painfully aware of the symptoms of depression, as I have had it for over 50 years. and had real concerns, long before the dog passed away. Thank you Colin for the hugs, I have passed it onto mini.

Hi all, my friend's dog also died today.
He was an old man but a very well loved old man and she has had him since a puppy.
Bless her, she is in a sad state too worse than normal as she is pregnant and everything is a 'blown up' emotion.

How is minimary now?
And thank you again for your help Mary... working on it now....

Good night all, and I hope we see more of each other after the bank holiday.
Missing you all.
Deanna XXXX

Mary, I think Sharron is correct.
"Depression is when the dog hasn't died" but if it goes on for several weeks it may yet be depression. Mary is grieving, which is normal-- her doggie might not be a life-long companion like a spouse, but in another way it was. It was obviously Mary's special friend.
Maybe give her a cuddle from us.
xx Colin

What you are describing is a little girl grieving Mary.Depression is when you feel like that and your dog hasn't just died.

Poor wee girl, too much for her to handle really.
AND... jut to show you haw much of a friend I am Mary
I have just sent you an e-mail asking for your help.
DELETE it and get on with your own very full life.
you do not need an idiot like me giving you extras
to think about.
You must be exhausted Mary.
Lots of love... Deanna XXXX

And to anyone else on here today who may need
a bit of a hug.... share these , I do love a cuddle.
Deanna XX (((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks Deanna, actually I continue to be concerned for miniM, shehas spent the day clutching thedog's blanket, toy and halloween costume. She seems speech-regressed, nodding rather than speaking,and frequent little tears running down her cheek. So very sad to watch.She's 13 years old, but pretty naiive, has no friends that call regularly, I hear myself describing someone with depression. When friends visit ,she has a good time, behaves appropriately but on her own,seems to regress. Hasn't slept in her own room since Tuesday,seems uncomfortable going in there; as a result I've been sleeping in a chair so she can relax and sleep with me close to her, in the lounge.

I made two batches of jam today with peaches and nectarines, hoped she would work alongside me, but she chose to withdraw further, usually loves helping me in the kitchen. I really am frightened for her, having had depression myself since the age of 7 years, I feel her pain.

Thanks for listening,
Mary.