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Depression / Anxiety

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Sharron

Sharron Report 11 Mar 2009 18:59

Wish I had just one of those to remember.

Deanna

Deanna Report 11 Mar 2009 17:39

Every now and again, something like this happens to let us know that we were not soi bad at all.
Deanna XXX

******************************************************************
I remember Sundays (or was it Saturdays) swimming with my mum

I remember beans on toast at the swimming pool cafe.

I remember shuffling backwards and forwards on our bums.

I remember sitting on the floor eating tea off the glass table and having no cares.

I remember that my friends always preferred my home to their own.

I remember blue trousers with red patches

I remember being ten foot tall in them because I was on my daddy’s shoulders.

I remember tiptoeing round the tree looking for the witch.

I remember the grandfather tree.

I remember climbing it, abseiling it, aerial sliding off it traversing rope bridges from it.

I remember Indian raiding parties, bear hunts and ambushes, I remember that if separated in battle you regroup at the grandfather tree.

I remember velvet ninja suits and blue silat trousers.

I remember a red hoodie that people wanted to buy.

I remember beds on the sofa and watching telly in the crook of my mummy’s leg.

I remember learning to jab like a cat.

I remember not being able to reach the bottom of the swimming pool and travelling down to it on my dads back.

I remember the rush of the water being so strong it was hard to hold on and I felt like I was riding a ‘diving’ submarine.

I remember that I couldn’t hold my breath long enough and I would kick off my dads back and gasp for air when I broke the surface.

I remember that I didn’t know the word for the sensation was exhilaration.

I remember wondering if my dad was ‘evolving into the man from Atlantis.

I remember being sure my dad would kick his ass.

I remember ‘je suis tre jolie’.

I remember ‘du,du,du,doo’ and mysteriously arriving coke.

I remember nothing but pennies in a red purse, and getting them for coke or karate.

I remember the wedding dresses and the wedding cakes.

I remember the best swing in the town, tents made from blankets, summer teas at a white table.

I remember fresh bread and pineapple mousse

I remember soup under a blanket in front of an electric fire and the beauty and glow of a shambolicly taffeta’d Christmas tree.

I remember that people say any port in a storm, but it was never ‘any’ port for the people we knew, it was always ours.

I remember the best wooden sword, fort, siege engine and childs bow in the history of toy warfare.

I remember all my friends had more money, but only I had a commodore 64.

I remember all my friends had more money, but only I went ski-ing.

I remember all my friends had more money, but it was my mother not their own that they told the tales of their triumphs and losses.

I remember the 50 pence bus to Northampton and just enough money for one pair of nunchaku, I remember they were half price so my dad bought two and sat all day with nothing waiting for the bus home.

I remember that disposable income was the £5 my mum could sometimes give my dad out of the fourtnights money and I remember that when he didn’t spend it on me he put it in the miners families collection tubs.

I remember that no-one alive has anything left to teach me about selflessness and generosity.

I remember that all my friends hated their dads.

I remember understanding how they felt, I hated their dads too.

I remember they all loved my dad.

I remember understing how they felt.

I remember that even ‘the dull and the ignorant, they have there story too’, and I remember my parents listening to it.

I remember wondering why.

I remember that I got too much and wanted more and so you tried to get it for me.

I remember that my dad owes me a gazillion pounds because he could never crush my head.

I remember ‘gee up a jockey horse’.

I remember not being so tired or angry.

I remember my dad arriving at hospital.

I remember how pleased I was to see him.

I remember how guilty I felt.

I remember trying to sit up straight for you, and failing, trying to eat for you and failing.

I remember how guilty I felt.

I remember when I realised I couldn’t convince them I was getting worse and they were still refusing to thrombolyze me.

I remember ‘knowing’ I was going to die, but not knowing how to say goodbye or sorry.

I remember how guilty I felt

And I remember that when I look back at the footprints in the sand and the spots where mine are missing, it wasn’t God carrying me.

And I still don’t know how to say goodbye or sorry.

I remember much more but I remember you have had a stroke and this is already too long.

Yoos is mine mummeee daddee and I remember how lucky I am.



Deanna

Deanna Report 11 Mar 2009 17:35

Subutteo .... you are right that is the name of it.
But following on from our conversation I have just had an email from my son Tony.
I howled like a baby when I read it.
I have printed it to show Allan when he comes in.
I was going to ask him for his permission to show you it, but since we are such 'marvellous' parents... i wont bother ha ha ha.
You may not of course understand all the things he said because it is our history, but to have this from a son of 37 was indeed a gift.
The best present I have ever had.
I will have to copy and paste it on an other page.
Deanna XXXX

Deanna

Deanna Report 11 Mar 2009 17:24

TREEHUNTER...... I must say before I say anything else.... that I hope your uncle gets well very soon.
Having just had a stroke myself (October) and a bad one too I know that he is going to get well in no time.
I DEMAND that he get well! ;-0)
Tell him that I am thinking of him and if it is possible to do..... I am passing on all the strength I can.
Love Deanna XXX

Sharron

Sharron Report 11 Mar 2009 17:23

Gail,re your large,painful things. I believe cabbage leaves can be very soothing. The big old tough ones you don't generally cook can be very comforting tucked in your bra.

In addition,your husband will be very sure you are not out on the pull!

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond Report 11 Mar 2009 06:04

Morning Caz, sneaked back down when he went to work lol

I am glad things are going so well at the flat except for your falls, you be careful now, don't want to hear you have done yourself any further damage.
The old ladies I looked after had their flat all done out in a soft mid green carpet and it looked lovely and was quite forgiving regarding showing marks etc. I don't know what it's like now as I haven't been since I retired but not sure if they got anyone else to do the cleaning etc and they wouldn't have me go in and work unofficially so I had to stop going. Another friend had a sort of airforce blue but that showed the bits sometimes, altho again looked nice. My friend with the student houses picked a light beige, it was a disaster with youngsters always managing to tread in dirt or mud before they came in and had to be cleaned every year. Sometimes an all over patterned carpet can hide the bits if it just has little patterns like tiny diamond shapes or something. Hope you find what you like easily and not too expensively.

Better get a drink and go back up, have a lovely day Caz, and all our friends on here too

love
Lizxxx

YorkshireCaz

YorkshireCaz Report 11 Mar 2009 05:31

Hello all, I'm sorry not to have been on but have been so busy. I read the last page and so much seem to have happened, I will need to go back and read up when I have time. Gail your fall sounds nasty, I did it myself twice, one last Friday at the flat, my legs wouldn't hold me up any more, and again on Sunday. Yours was a llot worse and must be painful, hope you get plenty of rest.

Well the flat has been painted, and nearly finished, when hubby went up Monday night the bathroom hadn't been done, but that is a different paint. The kitchen and bathroom have been thoroughly scrubbed out, I wanted to clean the windows but sister said to wait while painter had finished. They are so easy to reach and only small compared to my 7 foot long bay windows here. We are going to look for a cooker this morning, has to be all electric, trouble is the opening is 60 cm at the top and only 59cm at bottom. I didn't want a 50cm cooker because I am always dropping things and there would be a wide gap on each side. My sister found a 55cm one in town yesterday so told me where to go to look at it.
We are meeting the carpet man this afternoon at the flat, he is taking samples of carpet, I have told him the colours we have so he will take the colours to compliment it. He can measure up at the same time and go in to fit them when painter has finished. Then we can start to move things in. I have all the walls the same colour, so I want the same carpet to run through the whole flat, except bathroom of course.
Sorry, it's all about 'me' again but I thought you might like to know where we have got to, I sent you all my new address last night, but had to include my cousins in the email so ignore the names you don't know. I haven't even told them we are moving yet, apart from one who we share doing our tree together. Why am I all so behind, it was my doctors visit day yesterday and she looked at my knee where I fell and it is like Gails, a football, doc said I must rest it but gentle exercise as well to keep it from setting up. So I am going out this morning to look at that cooker, is that gentle exercise?
Time for some tea and toast so I can have my next lot of tablets, I was looking at them all this morning and wondering where they will go in the flat. I have them all lined up, all 18 of them in the order I take them so I don't get mixed up. There isn't any place long enough up there.
Anyway, love and hugs to all. I promise I will read back on the thread and find out what is happening, when I find time that is lol.

Caz xx

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond Report 11 Mar 2009 04:55

Ooops, time for bed, have been looking for people on facebook and got distracted - aol chucked me off for a while before that and I didn't realise how long I had been messing about.


Mary, I know, don't need telling but can't get to it and if I could, wouldn't be able to stay there the time it would take to defrost !


Gail, hope your knee feels better soon and all your other bits too, bless you. At least the peas came in useful twice lol Hope the trip to dentist goes ok, make sure you rest up ready to drive.

love to all

Happy Birthday Caz

love
Lizxx

GranOfOzRubySlippers

GranOfOzRubySlippers Report 11 Mar 2009 03:18

Well some of the peas came in handy last night. I had a fall, I fall a lot, this one really hurt. So frozen peas came in handy for my swollen knee. When they had thawed out I put them in the scrap bucket for the chickens, so now down to 9 pkts.

Thank goodness for big boobs, they cushioned my chest, but boobs are tender also today (Wish bra was still in the freezer). I fell on the tile floor, my right knee and hip got the brunt of the fall, then flat on my face. At least I could get myself up okay as was facing down. If I fall on my back it is more difficult as them I am like a turtle. I was winded and I did cry, had a minor panic though as thought I had broken my knee at first, knee is only bruised.

My own fault, was rushing to change the TV channel for Torchwood on UK TV. OH tells me constantly not to rush, mind you my rush is like snail pace. Still not sure how it happened though, nothing wet on the floor either.

Oh has a trip to the dentist on Friday to have 4 teeth removed, I will have to drive home, so next couple of days for me is rest and recovery so I will be well enough to drive. OH had a bridge put in for 1 tooth and for some reason they attached it to 4 others instead of only 2, one tooth broke off so have to take the lot. I have a bridge for 2 teeth and it is only attached to 2 others. The cheapest version to get his teeth fixed it $6,500. The dearest was $15,000. He is going for the cheaper version, as less hassle and less money.

I do not need anymore frozen peas, so will make sure I have my ice bottles with me when go shopping on Friday. I off to get groceries while OH is at the dentist.

Off to lay down and nurse my injured pride.

Gail

Carole

Carole Report 10 Mar 2009 22:28

Hi I have been on twice today and read up to date. But really must go to bed, so nite nite.

Eileen did I say how glad I was to see you xxx

AnninGlos

AnninGlos Report 10 Mar 2009 22:13

mary, what an exciting adventure the girls had being rescued by firemen. actually there are a lot of older 'girls' on these boards who would jump at the chance from what i read!!! Glad they wereal OK though.

Well, now I have heard it all, when is a freezer not a freezer?? when it is a wardrobe!! Or a money box!!

Eileen, good to see you on here, thinking of you and hoping you will come out from under that black cloud soon and feel better.

Deanna, Subutteo was the football game. I suspect that most parents can feel guilty about something so really as Sharron says it is not worth it really, nothing can b done about it now.

Betty, that must have been frightening for you, first the young lad, then the police. Did you find out any more about either?

Gail, wondering what you are going to do with 10 packets of frozen peas???

Carole, as somebody said, please tell your daughter, if she will listen, that her ex has no manners. although I suspect it may have been embarrassment that caused him not to speak.

YCaz, have you moved or do you have a moving date?

ann
glos

maxiMary

maxiMary Report 10 Mar 2009 18:47

PMSL at you lot. I've never put my bra in the freezer but I have stored money ("cold cash") in there. have to tell you a quick story about my uncle (the one who died recently at 106). In 1994 I'd taken my mother over to visit him, and was delighted to see that, at long last he had a frig. his neighbours had renovated and had given him their old one. The freezer was empty. I made the suggestion that it would save him a daily trip to the shop to buy ahead and put it in the freezer. To this day his respnse leaves me in a state of uncontrollable giggles. "I tried that Mary with my bread, but I couldn't use it, it went hard". I'm chuckling again as I write. For a very well-educated man, a surgeon, one who continued to read the British medical journal into his 90's,plyed chess until he was 105 y/o., was completly unable to understand the concept of freezing food for later use.
My daughter just came in and announced "oh good, you are in a good mood". i asked if she determines my mood by what I am doing. "Oh yes," says Colleen< "if you're baking or planting seeds or puttering with your violets, you are in a good mood". So there you have it, apparently I am in a good mood. I've planted several types of Heritage tomato seeds, bush and climbing beans & peas thus far. Now i have to go out and buy more fine soil to start some flower seeds. The rest of the vegs will be sown directly into the garden in MAy.
Liz, clear out the#$%$#* freezer, you're wasting electricity.
Catch you later,
Mary

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond Report 10 Mar 2009 16:11

Sharron, you are so naughty, have you not read the Ulrika thread lol?

We ladies need advance warning of hilarious posts so we can make certain adjustments/arrangements - I am pmsl over the freezer story!
And as for our Gail with her bra in the freezer - well, words fail me! I have put silk shirts in the freezer before now, in plastic bags, as they are supposed to be easier to iron then but as I don't wear my silk shirts now, probably wouldn't even fit me, I may well have one or two still in the freezer back at my house that I never got round to emptying!

Gotta go and get dressed, go to supermarket and look as if I have had a busy productive day while o.h. has been on his 12 hr shift! I did do a load of washing this morning after he went to work so that has been hanging round the house getting dry, it was raining when I did it and then went to bed at 8am!

Catch you all later

love
Lizxx

Sharron

Sharron Report 10 Mar 2009 10:00

If I put my bra in the fridge there would be no room for the food.

We have three freezers

When I bought the fridge/freezer the old man decided he didn't approve,probably because it was new and I had paid money for it instead of waiting for somebody to throw it out like they had always done.

Anyway,I bought a new small freezer as well and kept the old one we had,which somebody had given to him.

Organized it all so the meat would go in the small freezer which he tried to avoid as much as he could,silly old sod.

The fridge/freezer was 'too noisy' as well,of course.We didn't need a high fridge because he could reach into the floor level one perfectly well,which was why he was always crawling about trying to get up I suppose!

In his role as kitchen appliance warden he took it upon himself to adjust the tempersture of the fridge which,miraculously,stopped it being too loud.

A few years later I decided to re-organize the freezers when I de-frosted them all so I explained to my dear father what I was going to do.

'No I don't want the meat put in another freezer,I know where I am if I keep it in (ready for this one?) MY freezer.'

So,when did the new little freezer become his and has he given me the old freezer now it is on it's way out?

Now,as well as trying to understand what he is saying with the wrong words I still have to take into account the convoluted logic that goes on in his cantankerous old head.The old bugger!

GranOfOzRubySlippers

GranOfOzRubySlippers Report 10 Mar 2009 08:57

Have two freezers Deanna, easier when having to travell for groceries and stocking up every few weeks.

Last clean out I found 10 pkts frozen peas (1 Kg, OH gets these when he forgets the ice) 4 pkts bacon, various meat, frozen pies a bra, and some pea and ham soup (home made), ice cream, ravioli, stir fry vegs, margarine (olive oil spread) a lasagne, corn, chips and fish fingers, left over chirstmas ham (pea and ham for winter) frozen yoghurt, a pair of nylons (new, stops ladders) forgot I had these, puff and shortcrust pastry, herb bread.

Now the bra, well when it was hot here I put it there as great to put on cold. But forgot about it being there and had to order a new one as could not find it anywhere. They are a special bra for me and about $89 plus postage, so usually only have 2 at a time. Hey!!!!! with 16 E you will do anything to cool them down. :}}}}

Gail

Deanna

Deanna Report 9 Mar 2009 14:22

Gail you can join my family whenever you like love.
Now get the coffee made and I'll have a look at what there is for a quick meal.
Allan and Tony are going to have a meal out so I am going to see what there is for me.
Allan and Tony are out doing a big shop of essentials.
When Tony is away Allan will not have to worry about the heavy things, he can enjoy a trip down to the shop for the odd loaf or milk.

I'm lost now.... I cannot lose what I have typed by going back to check and I have forgotten which one of you said that her ex son-in-law had ignored her daughter in the street????
PLESE don't take that as anything other than HIS ignorance./
My EX... ignored his 15 year old daughter in a shop once. They were on either side of a display and staring right into each others eyes!!
I don't need to even try to explain what that did to her poor soul.
She will survive and look back on this with different eyes.

I have just heard again that BARBIE is 50...
We spoke the other day about what we DID NOT DO FOR OUT CHILDREN..
Well one of the things which always upsets me is the fact that everything my children wanted for Christmas/birthdays had to have a cheaper option.
I remember many cheap options I bought for them.
BARBIE in our house was a 'teenage doll'.
SCALECTRIX was a cheaper option.
What was the name of the football game? The little men which you flicked across the board?
Well my eldest boy had a cheap option of that too.
EVERYTHING.... they always had a nice Christmas so why do I still suffer over something like that?

Going to eat now... getting a bit weepy, must be hunger.

GAIL... WHAT DID YOU FIND IN THE FREEZER????

I will be back. Nice to have you all here to chat to.
Bye... love Deanna XXXX

Sharron

Sharron Report 9 Mar 2009 14:09

I think a large part of depression and anxiety is being trapped inside a situation and not being able to see it from any other perspective,a very easy situation to slip into.

Sometimes the more sympathy you get the further in you go

It is the same with guilt too I think.When did guilt ever achieve anything exactly?

Here endeth my sermon.

maxiMary

maxiMary Report 9 Mar 2009 14:06

Here's the news article about Camp Flood (it was miniMary who wanted a badge for surviving being rescued LOL)

http://www.stcatharinesstandard.ca/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=1469125

Claddagh

Claddagh Report 9 Mar 2009 13:52

God afternoon everyone,

A big thank you to Caole and Joyce for tehir e-mails, Deanna and Claire for their p.ms, nad Ann, Gail and Mary for thier kind words. It is really good and heartening to know that there is support from those that also know how it feels to be in such a state.

Have been trying to catch up on the posts, was quite startled to read Mary's post about being so unhappy about emigrating etc.Lots of things came to the surface, as they tend to when you are down for other reasons, don't they? Things you have tried to bury over the years seem to resurface, and bite you on the bum.

Am a wee bit beter today, still as sick as a dog, but hopeful once more.

Love to all. Eileen xx

maxiMary

maxiMary Report 9 Mar 2009 13:16

Thank you Gail, Carole, Liz, Deanna for your kind words. Every Christmas I type up a "form letter" to send to extended family and friends in the Christmas card. This past Christmas one relative responded, saying my descriptions reminded her of when MY children were young and I used to write to them with tales of their antics. I'd forgotten I'd done that. How I wish I had those letters now, to scrapbook for Colleen,Meg and David.
I love language, years ago my ex brother in law told me I should quit Nursing, go back to Uni and teach English. I didn't think so, but perhaps I should copy down some of my "tales" for future reference. My mother started that when she was 95y/o, didn't get very far. before she was gone and the tales went with her.
My Dad's first language was Welsh, didn't speak much English till he went to school, but over-compensated eventually. Drove me crazy as a child, trying to do my spelling homework, when he would insist that I should know the Latin and Greek roots for the words. 53 years on, I finally appreciate it LOL.
Seems it is a family trait, I have letters which my grandmother saved, which my mother had written about MY antics as a child. And of course I have the amazing letters written by my2xgtgmo about the Irish rebellion, reminiscences of her childhood in the 1790's. We sent the originals to Trinity college Dublin. Seems writing has been important in my family for over 200 years.

Made the most delicious cake last evening, gluten-free of course,only 6 ingredients, turned out like a sponge cake, with a combo of brown sugar cinnamon, cocoa and butter crumbled on top. It was supposed to be a 'coffee cake', but unfortunately there's none left now, to accompany my morning coffee. I'd really like to go back to bed for a nap, but reason is winning and I'm going to try and find my dining room. Megan did the laundry for Colleen yesterday, unearthed a large collection of ''widow socks', which she proceeded to bring down to add to MY pile of widow socks. They are now adorning the DR table. and the cat is perched on top. I've never been particularly fond of cats but this one has grown on me.I was a bit concerned when we rescued her from a barn, whether she would be too feral a creature to be indoors. But she has settled beautifully, very affectionate, but I drew the line last night when she jumped on my bed and sat on my head during the deep sleep.

Well ,I spoke too soon about my basement being dry - since the furnace was replaced. We've had so much rain the past 36 hours, and I think most of it is now in my basement. 2 sump pumps plus a de-humidifier are totally ineffective, but the air purifier is at least keeping odour at bay.
Had a grand clean-out of my 'spice cupboard' yesterday, some of the herbs/spices are things I doubt I've ever used. Unfortunately there are so many little bottles that the microwave is now my built-in spice rack. The working Mike is on the counter.
It's so quiet here I can hardly bear it, Meg is working an extra day each week now, she functions much better on day 2 than day 1, and day 3 she's apparently ineffective. So she's going to try Mon/Tues plus Thurs/Fri. Hope fully the day off in the middle will help. The lady for whomj she works, gets quite exasperated with her some days. Bless her heart, she has 9 documented types of learning disability, so does remarkably well under the circumstances. She's basically a 13 y/o in the 39 y/o body. Sher's learned to cook, using either the 3-ingredient book or the 6-ingredient recipe book. More than that and she's confused. Has no concept of value,distance (and time involved to travel between point A and Point B) or negative math functions (subtract or divide), she can tell time (if it's past the hour) but has no clue about "quarter to nine". she would call it 8:45.

MiniMary is thrilled, a reporter is going to publish the story of their exciting camping trip in the newspaper. LOL.

OMG it is snowing, huge flakes, it's March for goodness sake, it's certainly come in like a lion this year. The snow shouldn't stay, almost all of our previous collection has melted.
Have a good day, all.
Mary