General Chat

I don't have any experience of mental illness, but I do know that I and every other father that I know (and mother for that matter) would not hurt thier kids if they could help it.
I have just read Richard Hammonds book and while I cann't understand whats going on in anyone elses mind(never mind my own) it goes a little way to explaning that the brain is a very delecate thing.


Spud

I almost dare not add to this as I will go on too long (what a surprise lol)
First off, John Hogan's situation. I didn't realise his wife had remarried, she certainly didn't waste much time, and she is very bitter. Possibly understandingly, but her face when she said in an interview about the crazed look in his eyes etc. I can't help but think she pushed JL to his limit and should have spent time comforting her crying son, instead of worrying about the packing and then maybe this tragedy wouldn't have happened.

I have suffered depression most of my life and also have ocd and I have never ever received the help I should, am always fobbed off and have just wasted another year, trying to get help by myself as the MH people said I just needed counselling and to sort that out for myself. I was sent away with a list of local counsellors and when I tried to get to see someone, they either had closed lists or I couldn't afford their hourly rate as I was on incapacity benefit. I was put on one list and waited until in November 2007 I was offered an appointment to start a course of counselling. As soon as the name of the counsellor was given to me I realised it was someone I had known for a long time and I had childminded her daughter. The people promised I could see the next counsellor who became available and then three weeks later they wrote to say they did not think they could help me so had taken my name of their waiting list. Despite emailing them and leaving a message on their phones, they have only tried to phone me once and I missed the call, rang them back and the ansaphone was on again so I left another message, to no avail. I am now waiting for my doctor to confirm she has referred me back to MH but the appointment could be months away.
Good thing I am not suicidal but they know the situation I am in, and that I am at risk in certain areas, yet still nothing happens!
There is never enough funding for mental health issues and people have to wait months to be assessed etc. It is a disgrace!
Lizx

Ann, thank you for your kind thoughts, as I said it was a long time ago and life goes on but I still think "if only".
Thank you for telling me the story behind the thread. I hope this young man manages to get the treatment he needs and goes on to lead a long and productive life. As has been said he will have to live with the death of his son for the rest of his life and that is more severe punishment than any court can dish out.

Tina - the case being discussed was of a young man and his wife on a make or break holiday in Crete with their two young children last year. They had a row apparently and she left him on the balcony, 4th floor, of the hotel with the two children on his lap. He went off the balcony with both children in his arms. The little boy died but he and the little girl survived. He himself was injured and then put on trial for murder in Greece. Fortunately the Greek judicial system was obviously sympathetic to his circumstances and he has been committed to a psychiatric unit and will probably be repatriated here to another psychiatric unit for further treatment. A psychiatrist spoke on TV today and explained that he had suffered a psychotic episode and would not have realised he was on the 4th floor but would have thought he was on the ground floor. When he was led from the court reporters aiting outside shouted to him "Are you relieved?" and he shouted back "Of course I'm not, I've lost my son" or words to that effect, and since then the general concensus of opinion from the public in general has been one of villification and condemnation of him, all saying he has "got away with it"

Oh Tina, how you must both have suffered - my heart goes out to you - as you say, mental illness affects everyone in the household and beyond in some cases. I do think things have moved on thank goodness as far as the professionals in the Mental Health services are concerned, it's just people who don't understand, or don't try to understand the awful problems it causes or can cause - all I wish for is more compassion and more understanding

I do not often post but this is a subject very close to my heart, and this is looking at this illness from the perspective of living with and loving a spouse who suffers from depression. For 11 years of our 17 year marriage my beloved husband suffered from depression.
It is no doubt incomprehensible to people who have not experienced this, the agonies of just trying to keep your loved one alive each day. I spent years wrestling everything from sleeping pills to knives and rifles from my husband to prevent him from self destructing. This all occurred around 30 years ago and the treatment at that time was to just hospitalize after each episode and sedate him for a couple weeks and send him home. This, of course was totally ineffective and the problem still persisted. I lost him twice, firstly to this dreadful illness who stole the wonderful man I had married and then when he eventually succeeded in committing suicide.
Fortunately, in this country there is now a lot more work being carried out in research and treatment of depression and through education, the stigma no longer exists to the same extent.
I have no knowledge of the story you are referring to in this thread, but my sympathy goes out to the wife of this man who would probably have been living through hell on earth. I know I have been there! It is absolutely devastating to watch someone who is the love of your life constantly trying to destroy himself. You ask yourself, why aren't the kids and I enough for him to want to live. In those days I also suffered from a terrible guilt, because I couldn't help him and there didn't seem to be anyone I could turn to who could.
Tina

thank you Rose - I do hope my local newspaper prints it - I'm usually quite lucky

Ann, I think you said it extremely well !

Rose xx

Hi Sandra - another understanding and compassionate person!!

Ann XX

hiya all. awwwwww my heart goes out to john hogan, you only have to look at his face and you well up, i no he did wronge but like the bible says " he who is without sin cast the first stone" x

I really dreaded postings coming in on this - I honestly thought I was in for a roasting - so relieved I can tell you and I thank you all sincerely for your positive comments - at least you all understand

NHS don't see depression as life threatening though so it's bottom of their priorities x

but the ironic thing Carole is that there are literally hundreds of qualified psychologists who can't get jobs!! My friend who still works at our local psychiatric hospital is in charge of volunteers from the UK and the EU - they work for nothing other than meals and accommodation. The vast majority of them are qualified psychologsits, some have the prefix Dr. before their names

Ann I waited 14 months to see a pychologist. The week before my appointment the person I was to see left. So I waited another two months. (feeling much better by now) The meeting was in an old house, damp and in much need of some loving care! Just shows this service is not high priority!!

Ann after reading like you all the nasty comment that were printed I felt very sad for this young man it seems nobody was listening and seeing what he was going through it was very sad being a dad made me think and my heart went out for him he must have been desperate to do what he did i do hope he now gets the treatment he needs bless him and all the family xxHowie

and another thing - I'm off now and on my hobby horse!! funding for Mental Illness within the Health service is at the bottom of the pile - the hospital where I worked was quite solvent, we had an excellent accountant, BUT then it went Trust and joined with a large teaching hospital - as soon as we went trust we went straight into the red, they took the lot because they were overspent, and now, although I'm retired I have my sources, they have to beg for virtually everything they get and what they do get is second rate

thanks for your positive comments - I was expecting a roasting - how wrong I was [so far anyway]. I too have clinical depression and am not afraid to talk about it, although people do tend to get embarassed but I am not. It was diagnosed after I took a massive overdose intending never to wake up - so glad I did though and that I got help - no one, not even me, knew I had it and would you believe I worked at our local psychiatric hospital for thirty years and my boss was a trained psychiatric nurse as were many of my colleagues - they all felt dreadful, but with clinical depression, sufferers are very good at putting on a happy face. I was so angry today when that chap said "I could cut his head off" that I felt I had to write the letter. Will let you know if they print it!!

Ann your letter is well thought out and makes it's point very well. I agree with it all. Mental problems are life threatening, as many would rather be dead, than carry on not being able to cope with life. Help isn't there when you need it. Families and friends don't know how to help. Some just don't want to know you anymore. I'm so sorry for the family of those involved in this tragic story.

Kate when we have a problen in our head it is with our perspective on what we see or hear. Sorry to hear your story too xxx

I agree with you Anne, I have suffered from clinical depression and people dont understand about depression or mental health issues, because people are afraid to say that they have a problem as others will percieve them as "loony".
It is an illness like any other .
Thankfully with the help of my family my doctor and a councilour and medication I am fine now,, fingers crossed
Love Jackie

True, that, Ann (unfortunately). I was anorexic as a teenager and had a bit of a relapse at uni round Christmas 2005 - I just wanted to be alone at the time but I had this nagging friend who liked to share all her problems with me and after one lecture I just walked off, knowing she was going to get me, because I just couldn't handle having to listen to her problems.

So she took offence and believed I was ignoring her, so I explained and in the same breath as telling me I should have told her, added "To be honest, you haven't got as many problems as I have". This same girl, several months afterwards, when we were out having lunch on a day when I wasn't really hungry, managed to remark, "Is that all you're eating?".

I know this doesn't apply to all mental illnesses but the comments I have read about people with eating disorders in my time are just unbelievable - a lot of people don't realise it is a lot about perception, they think it's just a case of wanting to be thin.