General Chat

roflmao Foggy

I didn't know we where having caberet tonight
xx

aw foggy pmsl

Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local bar, when one said to the other:

"If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"

"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."

"Well," said the first guy, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"

"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied the second guy.

"What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired the first fellow.

"My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"

"Well," replied his friend, "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!"

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

Another good one
pmsl
xx

Evening all, sorry am late..... might not be able to stay long the grouch is about.............lol

Hallo Twig how you doing
xx

hello twig.how you diddling. xx

A man comes home from the office and says to his wife "I have a new secretary, and imagine what, she's got a red and white bra. you know these are the colours of my favourite football team, anyway its not a big deal, but it feels good".

the next day when he gets in from work his wife asks.
"How was your day.?"
The man replies "Fantastic, Its not only her bra that is red and white, but also he panties, you know its not a big deal but it really feels good">

The third day they meet at at home after work and now the man asks his wife.
"And what happened today at your office, darling.?"

She says "Oh nothing special, sweetheart, I got a new boss today, his d**k is two inches longer than yours, you know it's not a big thing but it feels good"

Hi all just dragged the grouche round Tesco........ boy do I like spending........lol

A suspicious husband hired a private eye to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, the husband wanted a video of his wife's activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a film. They sat down together and proceeded to watch it.

Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them strolling arm in arm and laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them take part in a dozen activities with utter glee.

"I just can't believe this," said the distraught husband.

"What's not to believe?" the detective said. "It's right up there on the screen!"

"I simply can't believe my wife could be so much fun!" the husband replied.

Hi again peeps,,,, I nearly didnt get here Ellan,,,,, Oh not in good mood so have left him to it,,,,,,,,,,lol

hope you didn't leave him in Tesco's....

Thought about it but security came after me for leaving him in the trolley..........lol

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy,
he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.

The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

A couple were driving along the motorway and the husband who is driving has been moaning all the way, complaining about everything, the heat, the long drive, bad road users, the countryside etc.

His wife after hearing this for the last hour says to him.
"One more bloody complaint from you and I'm going to cut your dick off with this pen-knife"
about half an hour later, he starts again complaining about everything and before he could blink his wife pulls out her knife, slices his dick off, and throws it out the window.

Driving behind the couples car is a family of three, husband, wife and their 12 year old daughter.
The penis lands splat on the windscreen, and the father, in an absolute panic ( as he doesn't want his daughter to see the penis) , quickly turns on the windscreen wipers, to get the dick out of the view of his daughter.
The observant daughter asks "What was that dad.?"
Her father in a panic replies "Oh, it was only a....Butterfly"
"Must have been a big butterfly" replied the daughter "did you see the size of its dick.?"

Good idea Laura...... could do with some..............lol

Sorry having trouble posting for laughing
xx

pmsl Foggy .........

We're just waiting for our man
To come through with a plan
Of how the hell we turn this round
And dig ourselves out of the ground
We don't really want to know
The things you claim to know
It could fall around our ears
Might not hurt for years and years


We're just waiting for our man
To come through with a plan
Of how the hell we turn this round
And dig ourselves out of the ground
We don't really want to know
The things you claim to know
It could fall around our ears
Might not hurt for years and years

Just heard this on i pod don't you just love it?
xx