General Chat

Kitty Id try your cooking, hardly anyone cooks for me, sob, sob,


Caz xxx

awww caz

I would offer you some curry but its been eaten

OK CC



My kids, { eldest 3 } have a dad who has disowened them, lives in same town etc. They say they are unbothered but bits leak out that they are.


They have grandparents on his side that are now old and as I know the importance of family links as you get olderI wonder whether to leave alone or do something. You know the old thing, we know more as adults and how it will affect them in the future,


Do I push or leave it? I can tell by little things that they say that they wish it was different......


What would you do?


Caz xxx

Caz.....................why would I cook for you?

I like you :))))))))

I do make a good roast though.......usually.....except the potatoes are a bit hit and miss.....and the gravy is always sieved.....the veg are mostly alright too.......apart from that it's ok.

xx

I'd love it |Kitty cos Id have your company!"!!


Caz xxx

I am not sure about a push but a nudge wouldn't help.

I lost my oldest boys due to my first wife stopping them seeing me but as they have got older the bond between us has got stronger.

They know when they see me they are going to get a hug and they hug me back9they are both in their 20's).

All the stories and lies their mum told them haven't turned them against me.

Caz,

I am glad others answered you whilst I was sitting here cogitating!

My father didn't acknowledge us at various ages. The difference is we all knew what he was like. I was reconciled some years later, but off and on.

I didn't stop my children seeing him as it would not have been fair on them, he was their grandfather after all. He was also quite keen to see them.

When children are not wanted by one parent it can be incredibly hurtful but I grew up treasuring the rest of my family and friends. I also made sure that my kids had the most secure and loving upbringing I could manage.

I don't think you will ever truly know what is in your kids' hearts, they will try to protect your feelings.

I'd contact the grandparents and offer a visit on neutral ground, whichever reply you get at least you will know what position you are in.

It's a hard one and I really empathise.

Sue xx

Thanks (I think) for the answer to my question folks!!

Now for Caz.
Do you know whether their grandparents have wanted to see their grandchilden (most do) and have been too embarassed to ask, maybe because of the actions of their son, or lies he may have told them?
I think Christine's idea is wonderful.

I was abandoned for (apparently LOL) greener fields when my girls were 3 and 6. Fortunately their father still wanted to see them, and as his parents were dead I had no problem with grandparents, but they still saw their great aunt on his side (though she was a bit wary of me - because of him) However, over the years, certain truths were hidden and covered up with lies. Now my children are 24 and 27, over the years the truths have been uncovered and their dad - who they love - is known as 'The Tart' within our circle.LOL
I would like to add that I get on very well with him as a 'pal', as I know where I stand - on a pedestal!! LOL
I have met ALL his girlfriends in the interim - including those he was seeing while married to the 'bit' he left me for LOL (and has since left)

As for the great aunt, my eldest, who now has a daughter of her own sees her a lot - more than my ex does!!!

maggie

Malc, CC and Sue, thanks,

I asked my oldest boy tonight and he said' its obvious my Dad and his family dont care, you and your parents { his Grandparents } more than make up for the loss'


I have never stopped contact and have positively encouraged it, its as if the kids have been wiped out from one side of their gene pool,


Caz xxxx

Maggie, thanks, I feel many lies have been told, before he stopped contact the granparents sent cards etc but since then nothing....


I feel so sad for them and want to help them, your advice, all of you helps so much,


Caz xxxx

Caz,
Just like to add that my ex's aunt is very disappointed in him - in his lack of visiting her and his grand child!!
Me and the great aunt are the best of friends now.
It will be hard, but I feel you ought to somehow contact the grandparents, as they have missed out due to their sons behaviour. If they're not interested you have lost nothing, but gained knowledge of their coldness. If they are interested your children may have new friends.

maggie

Thanks Maggie,


I will try,


Caz xxxx

The biggest thing is nights like tonight
I heard last post on tv and cried for my dad

He's been dead 27 years

Malc, love a hug for you,


Thats why I care because i worry how sad my kids may feel in the future about lost opportunities. I too saw the service and cried,


Caz xxxx

Caz, how old are the children in question? Personally, I would send the grandparents a christmas card with a photo of the kids and a letter to say how they're doing and stuff. The ex might have told his parents all kinds of lies. If you make the effort then there can be no recriminations later in life and if they're not interested in their grandchildren it will be a way of showing them that it's there loss.