General Chat

Wendy - all is crystal clear re: Ray if you see the Agnes thread!! very funny......mad,mad,mad stuff.....oh you have SO won "the battles of the sexes" today..Ray being an own goal!!! hehehehe.... *fades away laughing madly to himself*

Wendy....WWW has let me down so I may have to "fink" for myself....you may, have a long wait..but I will come up with something..wonderful..if not today...Ray good onya dude...can I have a puff of that....most excellent! Luv ya Wendy x ;o)

This does not do men any favours...I have scoured the Internet for complimentory things..but nadda..so come on chaps..help me out here!!! ..however it is one for Wendy!! - so if easily offended please do not read on...... Genie In A Bottle A husband and wife were having an argument. Suddenly the husband picked up a bottle lying near him and threw it at his wife. The bottle missed the wife and got into the neighbours' house breaking the window glass. Now both the husband and wife got embarassed and went to apologise to the neighbour. Upon reaching the house, they found a young man sitting on a couch with a smile on his face. Before the couple could say anything, the man said, "I am a genie. I was enclosed in that bottle for many years, but you two have set me free, so ask for any three wishes you want to and it shall be fulfilled. But against your three wishes you will have to fulfill ONE wish of mine". The couple were so happy that they didn't think twice and presented their wishes. "I want millions of dollars in my account", The husband said. "Done", said the genie. "I want diamond jewelleries in all my vaults". "Done", said the genie. "I want houses all over the world", said the husband. "Done", said the geniee. Now it was the time of the genies wish. "So" the genie said, "I have fulfilled all the three wishes you have said, and its time for my wish. I have not slept with a women for a long time. I wish to sleep with your wife. The couple got worried, but the husband explained that it was only a genie and it didn't matter much to him. Besides the genie has given them a lot of things. So the wife consented. The geniee and the wife had a lovely night together. Finally in the morning the genie said, "it was wonderful but how old is your husband?" "Why, he is just thirty five" "My god ", said the geniee, "even at thirty five he still believes in geniees".

Bless you Jean...what a lovely message...I am pleased you have enjoyed the fun we have been having ....nothing like the "battles of the sexes" to have a laugh with...and we all need that sometimes! I am only jealous because of Alaina's original message...which is really beautiful...ppppssssttt don't let anyone know I told you that though......

Oh, you lovely people. My best friend died 2 years ago today and I have been feeling very low. I lit a candle for her this morning but even that did not lift my spirits. I have just read this thread and laughed until I cried, just like Sue would have done if she had been here. Thank you all so much. Jean.

Alaina, Am I invited to at least ...hold the male end up! - I did notice your "so true" to Wendy's poem :o)... Now as Wendy knows...I am an excellent cook of Spag Bog - with the odd garlic bread...and for the most, I am clean shaven...oooohhhh you don't think.......... ;o)

wendy you have got me in stiches with these have you ever come and had a chat on the members board you should come over and join us we have a right laugh on there and a dig at men most of the time!

hehehe Wendy that last one was good! it's so true tho isn't it

Wendy - now that is a very big LOL!!! brilliant......

Tushei!!!

I think this is much nearer the truth!... One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God. "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the problem, Eve?" "Lord, I know you created me and all of this beautiful garden and all of these amazing animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy." "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples." "Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "What's a man, Lord?" "Man will be a flawed creature, with many wreteched traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But... he'll be bigger, stronger, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll make him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly." "Sounds wonderful!" says Eve, " but what's the catch, Lord?" Well... you can have him on one condition." "What's that, Lord?" "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our little secret... You know, woman to woman." Emma.

Offended huh! - now this is a L.O.V.E poem ok and it is has been writ by a bloke OK..how romantic is this.... Evening Song Look off, dear Love, across the sallow sands, And mark yon meeting of the sun and sea; How long they kiss in sight of all the lands, Ah! longer, longer we. Now, in the sea's red vintage melts the sun As Egypt's pearl dissolved in rosy wine And Cleopatra night drinks all. 'Tis done, Love, lay thine hand in mine. Come forth, sweet stars, and comfort heaven's heart, Glimmer, ye waves, 'round else unlighted sands; Oh night! divorce our sun and sky apart Never our lips, our hands. HAHA ....see "Oh night! divorce our sun and sky apart Never our lips, our hands" .....you dunnee get better than that!! come on admit you are "SWOONING" to that.... :o)

Keep em coming Wendy!!! We need to wind these men up a bit more hehehe. Did you manage to copy the original message or would you like me to forward it to you? Alaina xx

I AM gonna find a good one for blokes ..if it's the last thing I do...now where's my web search..."I'll be back!" ps: Wendy - admit that you are not REALLY sorry! ;o)

Wendy so so so true!! Thanks for the others you added guys, if you've got anymore keep adding them! Alaina xx

Yes Alaina, that describes us pretty well doesn't it. And God created Eve..... 10 God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden because he wouldn't ask for directions. 9 God knew that some day Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't want to see whats ON TV, they want to see WHAT ELSE is on. 8 God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment. 7 God knew that when Adam's fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new one for himself. 6 God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the rubbish. 5 God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply but he knew Adam would never be able to handle labour pains and childbirth. 4 As "keeper of the garden" Adam would need help in finding his tools. 3 Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple incident, and for anything else that was really his fault. 2 As the bible says "It is not good for man to be alone" And the No.1 reason of all; God stepped back, looked at Adam and declared "I can do better than that" Norah in Hampshire - lol

alaina thats beautiful:)) susie xxx

Hope you enjoy this one too. Life explained On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's a pretty tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed. On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So God agreed. On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh . I'll give you a twenty year life span." Monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. The dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" and God agreed again (sigh). On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back. That makes eighty, "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal." And that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy, and do nothing. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody. Life has now been explained.

Andy - Many a true word.......

May I offer this one in return :-) A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honour and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says 'nothing's wrong,' and how I can make a woman truly happy." The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"