General Chat

Oh my ribs hurt

Dont wash the Salad with soap powder Mummys umberella is not magic,so dont perch on upstairs window sill and expect to float upwards like Mary Poppins Kathleen

Only a 3 year old can fell a christmas tree with a toy axe with such precision as to land it on his 6 month old sister. Biro, felt tips, permenant markers etc do not make good make up utencils.

It is not a good idea to try and cook a jacket potato in a hole in a tree. I actually tried this as a child! Naomi

Superb thread. Acute embarrassment - when you call your two year old daughter away from the next tea room table and occupants to be told "I TALking Mummy!", and then she carries on her conversation with them. Education - when you ask your two year old son what he is doing with nine (yes 9) pounds of flour loose in the kitchen and he replies "Nothing". Scepticism - when your 3 year old twin brothers tell you that they are washing their hair but it looks and smells like flour and treacle and you know that Mummy will blame you. Regards Abigail

A house brick does not make a good substitute for a football when practising headers The contents of one nappie is sufficient to re-decorate an entire cot and a 3ft section of wall 4 bottles of bubble bath produces enough bubbles to cover a bathroom floor to the depth of 6inches

Susanne, Had a bad day at the FRC. Feeling very low. Read your thread and cried with laughter. Feel so much better now. Many thanks. Jean.

you clean the cage but dont fabreeze the hamster! as my friend discovered when her little girl thought it was a good idea corrina

It is not a good idea to cover the doberman pet dog with bath cleaner he should have been black and tan not white, nor is it a good idea to paper the bathroom walls with toilet roll after you have soaked it in the bath. It got so that i couldnt leave either of these items in the bathroom but in a cupboard outside the bathroom well out of reach.

the entire contents of a box of soap flakes, through the kitchen, may look like snow when you are 1 but they are like candle wax and take forever to clean up. also, making porriage on the doorstep and front path is not a good idea either when writing appears on walls, invisable friends will take the blame even if they have different initials too you, they just put your initials everywhere. my daughter now 17 and looking after pre school children for a career wonders why i laugh at their antics, i can laugh now. but it wasnt funny at the time.

Nice one Susanne! Fortunately I'm in the happy position of finding that hilarious:-) Jeanette

Just had to copy and e mail that to my daughter in Law, Sophie is 20 months! James is 7. She probably knows it all already! Ann Glos

Thanks Debs thats better.

I remember that Tonka toys were unbreakable - but they weren't oven proof! Heather

suzanne mixing washing powder in with the oil in the deep fat frier isnt how you make a cake!! this is wat my 2 year old son done(hes now 24) susie

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding) 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft. house 4 inches deep 2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite 3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.......It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20ft. room 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lot's of it 9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies 10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old 11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence 12. Super glue is forever 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O 15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving 18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens 20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.