General Chat

Is it the teachers, parents or the kids?

The following questions and answers were collected from last year's GCSE exam results in Swindon. These are genuine responses!! (16 year olds)! Geography Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Sociology Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Biology Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A] Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U. Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas. English Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Technology Q : What is a turbine? A : Something an Arab or Sheikh wears on his head

LOL Sue Thank God my kids don't go to school in Swindon! Jeanette

In our house we blame Mr Inkey, he has been guilty of many things

I know what you mean ... I have a son who is scheduled for a boxful of a* at GCSE but I left him to catch a bus home from his work experience. He texted me to say ' the bus went straight past me'. When I said you gotta put your hand out for it to stop ...... all I got was :o

Oh Ann I can sympathise with your son. We live in a village about 2 miles from the nearest town. We have 1 bus every 2 hours if we are lucky - none on Sundays or Bank Holidays. There was, at the time, 1 school bus in the morning and 1 in the afternoon. My daughter and her friends got the bus to school on their first day - fine. At home time the bus arrived without her. Cue for me to panic! A neighbour drove me to the school - no daughter. More panic. All the staff out looking for her. Finally found her waiting at the bus stop - the wrong one! I hadn't thought to tell her to get the bus outside the rear entrance of the school - she was waiting at the front! Maybe we are to blame, forgetting that kids have to be told everything at least 3 times! LOL Sue

Some of those are so funny! I am going to show my husband when he comes home from work to cheer him up. Abigail

These were brilliant (or sad?), thanks for such a laugh! Not so long ago, my son was going to a maths lesson with a new teacher and was late (genuine reason though). On his arrival in the classroom after everybody else, teacher turns to look at son and says 'Who are you?' and son replies 'I'm fine thank you'. Well at least he was polite :) And I took him to have his ears syringed the very next day :)))