General Chat

I have a daughter who is nearly 15, at the moment she is being a typical teenager- nobody cares , do what i want,have the last word etc. She went to stay at my mums for a while but still came up to babysit her sister (as she got paid for it) or if she wanted something. 2 weeks ago i found out that she had gone to her dads (that realy upset me) nobody told me not even my mother who knew i would be mad(understatement).when i found this out she had told my cousin that i did not care when she had gone to my mums(i had no option she had gone before i had got back).I spoke to her dad and didnt get much out of him just that she is being looked after etc.(he has only been back on scene for a year after a 8yr gap). i thought i would leave her alone for a couple of weeks , i sent her a message to tell her i loved her wanted her to come home not even a reply(upset). phoned her dad today spoke to his partner, my daughter is playing up at school been put on report(usualy good at school). i told her that her dad should back me up and tell her that she should come home to me , she agrees but said what if she dose not want too, what will happen then if you get other people involved ( social services) and she tells them she dose not want to come home. I dont know what to do any more im so upset i have brought her up for 15 years and its been a struggle i feel like im losing her. just had to get this off my chest i cant write anymore for the tears. tracy

Going through problems with my middle daughter at the moment, she is nearly 15. I do feel for you. You get mother and toddler groups etc but what is there for mothers/fathers with teenagers? My eldest son is now 17 and he has sorted (to a fashion!) dreading the next one, think at 9 she is pre menstrual and going through the change all at the same time! Just hang on in and keep telling her you love her. Thinking of you, best wishes, Jo.

Tracy, I really do feel for you. I have been through 2 teenage girls growing up scenarios. Thought I would never see my youngest daughter again after she left home . She brpoke my heart. But after a while she got in touch again. She is now 36 and we are closer than we have ever been. Just be patient Tracy. Keep in touch writing her letters etc. , and I am sure she will come back to you. After all you have been closer to her than anyone else and sooner or later she will need help and guidance and who would she turn to but her Mum. Jean x.

Tracy, hang on in there. Have got 2 boys but one is 10 going on 16 with his mood swings. You get an instruction book with everything except children don't you?? And it's by far the hardest job any of us will do. I agree with the others keep telling her that you love her. Take care Julie xx

hi all thank you so much for your replies they are really appreciated. i feel like im being slapped in the face , for 15 years i have brought her up 8 of them on my own with her sister, when there dad was here he was a waste of time(not one for staying faithful) .He left me with debt never paid maintanance, its been a struggle but im nearly there financialy. My kids have been my life and iv never had another partner after we split, so they have always had me to themselves.I dont think she realises how much she is hurting me. tracy

Tracy, I have 2 daughters, 8 & 12 so i have not reached the teenage years....yet. I'm afraid i do not have any words of wisdom but hang in there, as others have said, all you can do is tell her you love her and give her the space she needs to realise that you have been and will continue to be there for her and hopefully all will be as you wish. Best wishes Tricia

Tracy i do understand try not to get to upset, they do return, i have been in a simiuar position, teenagers are strong willed and sometimes need time out, to find themselves, its hard being a parent, my 16yr old said to me yesterday, you worked so hard mum and i never realised how much you gave us, i now know that things are'nt cheap thankyou i love you, it will come to you to, so hang on in their. If you need to talk e mail me anytime sandra

Hi Tracey, Not really sure what to say as I'm not a Mum but I do remember being a terrible rebellious teenager! (And boy do I regret some of the things I did) I'm sure things will work out for the best and she probably doesn't realise quite how much you are hurting. Sometimes by hurting others (not phsyically) we gain control and teenagers are always looking to be in control of their lives. Don't forget too the old adage "We always hurt the one's we love" It's so true. I'll keep my fingers crossed that everything works out fine. Love & hugs Naomi

to all the above and the people whom have e-mailed me!! i just want to say thank you to each and everyone of you for all your kind words, hugs and support you are all very kind and caring people, it helps to be able to share your problems with others like you. thanks hugs to you all tracy

tracy my heart goes out to you im going through more or less the same thing with my 15 year old she keeps leaving home then coming back as been doing this for the last 12 months:(. she also as a 21 year old boyfriend that lives 3 doors away ive tryed to except this untill recently.she is not living at home again at the moment.so the stress the upset that goes with it gets to much some times. i know its hard just tell her you love her but dont keep asking her to come home i know how difficult it is as ive been there on servral occassions but never asked her to come home the last time took 8wks but came home on her own mind you asnt stopped her going again:( so take care mega hugs to you and try and keep your chin up

i would once again like to thank you all for your replies of support an understanding, it has helped a little to be able to share my upset with others whom are so kind and caring, you are all a lovely bunch of people. big hugs to you all tracy xxxx

Hi Tracey Try writing a letter to your girl. Say how much you love her, and if she is happy where she is, you will support her. You are here for her if she needs you, and her room is waiting if she wants to come home or even stay the night. Say for her to say thank you from you, to her father for looking after her. Please get in touch with you, you want to know that she still loves you as much as you love her.( write some of that through gritted teeth. Its better to be friends with the enemy than to be their enemy ! ) Maybe you can arrange to meet up in neutral grounds & talk things through. avoid the words, I wont....you dont...grow up... Maybe start sentances with. " I Feel " ( upset you couldnt tell me you moved in with your dad) ( I let you down ) even if you diddnt. " What can " ( we both do to make our relationship happier ) Elaine x...chin up !

hi elaine thank you for your advice , as for meeting my daughter on neutral ground and having a talk to her would not work as she is never prepared to listen to you she just storms off. i have sent her messages with no reply so my next step is to leave her a couple of days and send her an e-mail via her stepmum. tracy

Tracy Forget the texts, messages etc. sit down and write her a letter, tell her how you feel, without laying any blame, rather than tell her how upset you are at what she has done, tell her you are sorry that she felt she could not come and tell you, let her know that you are there for her when she is ready, give her time and space, a letter is something she can read and reread, she will realise that the grass isn't always greener and hopefully in time will contact you, then you can talk and sort out her issues. It may be that she needs to talk to someone who she is not emontionally attached to, remember she is going through a time in her life where there is a lot of change, she is probably confused, scared and feels that nobody understands her, after all mum's were never teenage girls! She will get through it, she justs needs you there waiting with a hug at the end. I speak from experience, my daughter will be 19 in july, how i got through her teenage years (never mind her!) is still a mystery but we are now closer than ever. Bev

hi ray what a lovely message to read, i feel a bit more relaxed after reading this, you are a very thoughful ,caring man.thank you for your kind words. god bless you luv tracy xx hi tracey thanks also, i hope i dont sound like im asking for sympathy, just had to get it off my chest. best wishes tracy