General Chat

my dad left me when i was 5 and my sister was 9months old we had no contact with him for 10yrs then he enters our lives upsets the whole apple cart then dumps us again for 2yrs then brings me over to the uk and he dumps me again now after nearly 4yrs he gets in touch im so scared dont want to get hurt again but if i hadnt gone to the uk i wouldnt have met my hubby and had 3 great kids my hubby is agreat dad just mine whos not and i know there is many millions of men out there who are wonderful fathers ,just my dad i love my dad but i dont like him that sound weird ? why do men think they can father all these kids and get away with it, he has 4 kids and couldnt care less about us only when he wants something im just so scared about letting in my life again (sorry if i offend anyone im just so confused about what to do)

hi Donna i feel as if im the one who has been hard done by my mum says i should ignore his emails and let him basically rot in hell but you see i have always wanted a relationship with him but in turn my sister who hasnt seen him in 13yrs is going to the uk and look him up and im telling her dont bother so in alittle way im protecting her from his hurt but myself i want a dad ,and would do anything to have him in my life but i know deep down when he gets bored or finds himself a girlfriend i will be left again.

Hi Kylie, I have snt you an e-mail direct, I wish you the very best in what you decide to do. Take care Sheila

Kylie, I am so sorry that you are hurting so much. I think that you should tell your dad exactly how you feel and if he has an ounce of compasion he will realise the error of his ways and not treat you in this way in the future. Send him back an e mail and put all your feelings about this situation in it. Good Luck Kylie, I hope everything works out well. Ann x x

Hi Kylie my 3 eldest kids hadn't seen their dad for nearly 15 yrs, the middle one now 25 saw him a month ago, my daughter 26 is seeing him in a fortnight, my youngest son still doesn't want to know. there dad didn't want to go over the past, but started afresh 4 weeks ago. i wish you well in what you decide your not alone sandra

Hello Kylie, A few thoughts from a dad's point of view. My first wife and I divorced after a long deterioration in our relationship when our two children were at university. My daughter was determined to keep in touch with both of us, while my son had personal problems of his own, and chose to break off contact for a time. However, he's now been back in touch for some time, although he's got his own life to get on with, and I respect his desire for airspace, in contrast to his mother who's always tried to smother him. My children got on well in due course with my second wife. However, when she did a runner with a younger man after three years' marriage, they both felt betrayed by her. Very understandable! My daughter in particular felt that I should then do penance for contributing to her parents' breakdown, as her mother had done previously. When I subsequently met and married my third wife, my daughter reacted very badly, although I had continued to give her my love and substantial financial support after she finished university and went off job hunting. She broke off all contact some three years ago now. Since then she has met someone, married, and now has a daughter of her own. I have been excluded from all these events, plus other "family" occasions. Having been used to my first wife's behaviour, coming after earlier years at boarding school where you very quickly learned to keep your defensive shield up, I am finding it very difficult to respond positively now my daughter has recently made contact again. My wife in particular does not really want to know her after her earlier bad behaviour. If we are to get to know each other again, it's going to take time and be at a pace we can all be comfortable with. My wife's sons from her first marriage, now in their 20s, were abandoned at a very young age by their father, and have not wanted to keep in touch with him at all since early teens. The mood has always been reciprocated on his part. They and I get on really well, in some ways we're all getting the chance to develop the kind of relationships we weren't allowed to in the first place. So I suppose my conclusion and advice from personal experience is that it's always good to keep the door open, but very important to be in charge of your relationships and not just at the mercy of the other person. Hope this helps, and good luck! Philip

Kylie, the man dosn,t deserve you,dad or not .It,s your decision but do you need any more of his don,t care about anyone but me attitude?.I have four grandchildren that i have never seen ,through no fault of my own ,and if i had a daughter as caring as you i would never be away from your door.you take care, and save your love for those that deserve it.Fred.

Well i decided to reply to my dads email and ask from him an apology for leaving me the way he did and not comming to say good bye when i left the uk and well he replyed but with no sorry or anything so i have now come to relise my dad is so wrap up in his own life and cares about noone but him self and when my sister goes in august she is going to confront him with our half sister that he doesnt even know has got in touch with me so that is good enough for me after all these years he will have to face what hes done to his kids when they hunt him down.

Hello Kylie, Thanks for giving us an update. It can't have been easy, and you'll probably still feel upset for a long time to come, but I think it's probably best not to expose yourself to any more harsh treatment from your dad. Take care and look after yourself. Big hug, Philip