General Chat

I retired in May 2002, from a tied cottage, managed to buy a house in a village, my wife was overjoyed that we would be able to enjoy a long and happy retirment in our very own home, sadlyshe died on 8th December 2002 six weeks after finding out she had lung cancer. I am heart broken but i have learned to cope i still have tearful days, now here is the sad task i have'nt been able to sort her clothes with out falling apart, but i feel i must do it soon or they will get moth eaten and musty any advice how please, i will give them to a charity shop but have been told that some help them selves to the best before putting them on sale, can anyone reassure me on that one or addvise me were to take them, i will read replys sunday evening as i'm going to The Sue Ryder Fete in Peterborough. Many Thanks David

Dear David, Do you have a friend, neighbour or relative that could be with you as you sort and maybe talk about memories that spring to mind, some of which may be fun and happy. I may be wrong but I would have thought that if people in charity shops did sort things first and select items, they would put in a donation for things taken. I know I do at work if parents donate things for fayres and sales. If things get too difficult, come back to the boards and I am sure there will be a lot of support for you to help you through the difficult task ahead. Keep smiling and remember good times. Jacky:-)

Im so sorry to hear of your loss. I know that clearing things out is one of the hardest things you'll have to do...is there anyone that can help you or at least be with you when you do it? Ive been told that they have 'first pickings' at the Charity Shops but I dont think thats a regular thing mainly because they usually do the work for free and care about whichever charity they are working for. Sheila x

If you call dove house they will take it away for you and they dont pick out the best bits they will also clear it out for you they need all the help they can get in donations...

dear david,ime so sorry,that you are suffering in this way,but words,no matter how well meant,offer little comfort.all i can say is that your dear wife is at peace,and would never want you to be so sad. perhaps you can get a family member,or friend to sort her clothes out,as i think the task will be too upsetting for you. as for charity shops,as long as your wifes clothes go to a good home,then so be it,even if the staff take the best pieces,they are volunteers,and without them,the shops would close. my thoughts are with you...god bless. bryan.

Dear David So sad. Hugs to you. My darling grandma lost my grandpa to lung cancer less than a year after they had retired and moved to the seaside. I was close to the pair of them - infact my grandma was more a Mum as I had none of my own. She outlived him by 20 years and was sadly taken from us this year from the same horrid disease that had taken my grandpa. She was with me at Christmas and made me promise to clear her personal effects when the time came. I had no idea I would be doing this 2 weeks after her stay with me. I was totally unprepared for the run of emotions - many tears and much laughter remembering things I had forgotten you know the sort of thing......Grandma once fell down a hole whilst we were blackberry picking and she was wearing this particular outfit I was packing away ......... it was in a odd way very theraputic and I felt very close to her. In a way I felt I had robbed my father and Uncle of this closeness and happiness, but I had made her a promise and I was going to keep it. I packed her and grandpa's ............ oh yes 20 years on and she had never come to terms of turfing his belongings out right down to his aftershave ( Old Spice )........ belongings and offered them to the church who were very grateful for them . Needless to say I kept one or two bits for myself, silly mometoes nothing of real value, just sentimental value:) Do share your grieve with your family, don't hide it as my grandma showed us all, she lost her one true love yet she did really enjoy her life before, after and during - life does go on, nice happy things will continue . Hope this is of some help to you Much happiness Debi

David I am sure that your wife would be glad to know her clothes were being put to good use. I do know how hard it is - when my mother-in-law died, I thought my father-in-law had given her things to the hospice to raise some money for them. When he died and my husband and I had to clear out their house it was still full of her things - clothes, makeup, as though she had never left. He obviously found it too difficult to do, and was unable to ask us to do it either. I live where we are regularly getting collection bags from charities put through our door, but if you don't have these I am sure you could ask a charity to collect them from you if you can't face taking them away yourself. One step at a time. I am thinking of you. Helen

david its a very sad task you have but ur wife would be pleased (im sure) that her things r going to help others have you someone to help you to do this? remeber that you can contact any gc people at any time for suport take care lou xx

Hi David. I was in the same position as yourself and was aware of the charity shop problem so as christmas was nearly here I contacted Crisis at Christmas and a Soliciters Office local to Epsom had a collection point. All my husbands clothing and other items including his wheelchair were gratefully recieved.so if you can wait a while longer this may help you. Margaret

Hi - I am sorry you have to carry out this task, I know that it will be very difficult (as I had to do it for my mum) Just be prepared to be sad, shed tears etc. but in an odd way I am sure you will feel uplifted when the task if done. There is no way that clothes and shoes etc will ever replace the love NS memories you have of your wife, and as an ex-member of the local hospice shop I can assure you that you donations will be very gratefully received, no matter which worthy cause you choose. I actually gave my mother's clothese to a different charity shop (as I did not want to have to deal with them personally whilst in the hospice shop) but I have to say that when I saw an elderly lady wearing my mother's best coat (and she looked so warm and comfy) I really did feel that my mum would have been pleased. Don't hesitate please, another needy person will benefit and your wife would be proud of you, I know. With best wishes Jacqui

Hi David I remember the sad task of sorting my mums things out when she died in 1981 age 38,(also from lung cancer), when I was 14. I kept her headscarf, I still have it & get it out & remember her wearing it. We took mums things to a charity shop. I feared I would bump into someone wearing her clothes but I never did. Let those tears fall when you sort them out. Its all part of the healing process. When it is done, you will feel a mixture of sadness & relief. Your dear wife would want you to turn the page & move forward & to do this you must part with some of her things. My heart & thoughts are with you. We are all here for you. Elaine x

dear david my condolences to you on your sad loss, i am sure your wife will be pleased that you are bucking up the courage to clear her clothes, i had to clear my darling husbands things out but kept a couple of things because they smelt of his after shave which brought happy memories back,we bought the after shave in gran canaria on holiday,i phoned one of the charity shops a distance away because i didn't want to see anyone else wearing them.it will take a lot of guts to clear the clothes but once it is done you will still have all your happy memories of your wife in your head. good luck and best wishes sue