General Chat

I shouldn't be either as my Dad got married again today, it's four years since my Mum died. He seems happy. Although I am not sure about his new wife, I met her children today, she has three from her two previous marriages, and they don't say nice things about her. They joke about all the men she has left in her wake. My sister and I wouldn't even think the things they have been saying about our parents. My Dad has had two girlfriends, the first was my Mum (42 years of marriage) the second his new wife. He was devastated when Mum died and although he kept going he had started to not care for himself, now he seems happy again, but I know that if anything went wrong between him and Lyn he would be devasted and would go to pieces. They decided to have a barbecue on Saturday, as she hadn't seen her lot for a while (her daughter lives in the USA). My sister (who lives in Holland) and I were not invited, her exact words were "we are so looking forward to seeing my kids, I can't manage any more guests" I actually called my Dad and reminded him that I was fetching my sister from the airport Saturaday a.m., he said he was looking forward to seeing her, and had mentioned it to Lyn. Still no invite. I tend to be a straight talker, so in the end I asked if we were invited, as two would't make that much difference, and that we would be visiting anyway as my sister would want to see Dad as soon as she could. Am I being pathetic, I just need to get it out of my system, my sister is having a worse time that me with it, so don't want to upset her anymore. I am happy as long as my Dad is, I hope I ma worried for nothing!!!

Rebbeca, You seem to be handling this awful situation very well, putting everyones feelings before you're own but you must be feeling betrayed. Try to keep your peace and don't fall out with your dad, nothing is worth falling out with your family. Keep smiling girl. Love to you and your sister.

Rebecca You are having a very difficult time. I have no experience of this as my mother has remained single since my father died. However, I was very attached to my mother-in-law (like a 2nd mother to me, except I could talk to her about the things I couldn't talk to my mother about). I missed her dreadfully when she died and found it very hard to cope with my father-in-law's new female friend, especially as she was someone I knew my mother-in-law would have found very shallow. It is hard because you obviously want your father to be happy, but you don't want to be shut out, and you want to stay loyal to your mother. I don't have any advice, just that I am thinking of you. Helen

Shallow is an excellent word, and that is how I would describe my thoughts about her. One of my Dad's oldest friends who would visit and stay regularly told my sister that after today he would not be visiting again as she as made it quite clear he is not welcome, how sad is that. I'm just ranting!!!! All I've done all day is smile and be polite, when I really felt like punching someone or crying.

hi rebecca,i think i would be sad as well...when you get married,and both parties have children,they all become as one...your situation is not nice,and all i can say is support your dad...he might well need you now,and in the future...i really wish you all well. bryan.

Rebecca I wish that I could help - but you do seem to be handling things very well. I wouldn't regard your comments as shallow, I think that they are very fair.

Rebecca, You are handling this very well. Unfortunately you probably are not going to change her so all you can do is hope that she and your dad will be happy, and be there for him if it all goes wrong. she does sound a very shallow and selfish person, lett us hope being happy with your Dad changes her. Ann glos

Hi Rebecca Go and cry somewhere get it out of your system, you'll feel so much better for it. Quite clearly the woman feels insecure , having the need to squeeze you girls out of the re union. I admire your determination to bite your tongue - I do believe the woman would have liked to have seen a re action from the pair of you , perhaps to see which side your father would defend? Keep the peace, family is irreplacable.If she wants a rift to appear before you and your father she's gonna have to work darn hard for it. You'll be the better person for not straight talking just this once : ) Hope I haven't spoken out of turn - but I speak from experience. Much happiness Debi

Rebecca, Yes, I think Deborah is right. Keep cool. Visit your father as often as possible. Ignore any spiteful remarks. She certainly sounds insecure. Even her own children talk about her, what a situation. Your father can't miss you or your sister. Never never say a bad word against your father's new wife, even though it is difficult. Remember it is his choice! Sylvia

My daughter's partner's son married recently and my daughter's children were not invited. My grandchildren were rather upset, but my daughter made them send a congratulations card. To keep their self respect she said. Sylvia

That's awful, I am a 2nd wife and I wouldn't dream of having a family do without the kids.... I don't have any of my own but i do have neices, nephews and god-children and I have managed to bring them altogether on more than 1 occassion. My parents and Grandmother were even invited to my S-D's wedding this Saturday. What you might find is the new wife can't cope with blood ties and this would explain why her children say the things they do.... speak to your dad, explain how you feel, then ask if you had a family do would he come without her!! That usually does the trick. Good luck sweetie.