General Chat

You all seem against me. I fear a rebellion is on it's way. Got my eye on all of you - I

That's right Mommylonglegs: put that young Daniel in his place. I am so glad you have been able to copy all the info. I agree, I had the same problem with copying one of the other threads backwards from 'Latest Thread': 'fraid I'm not techie minded enough to know an easy answer. Perhaps some one else does? David (Security) is also doing an excellent job, and it sounds like Jacqui is gong to be a great asset. I hope those unruly slappers are not going to be up all night creating a din. David, I should get their quarters hosed down and disinfected before morning. We don't want the Portuguese Ambassador to be infected if he DOES come on board. Do we have a Bosun, Mommylonglegs? Apart from his disciplinary duties, the Bos'un would be required to pipe the Ambassador and his entourage on board. Any idea what's happened to the Chief Engineer, we really need a sailing report in case we get into choppy waters overnight.

It was actually propert developer and King, but you can't vote for the Monarch. I do not remember you coming to me when you were voted in to exchange our pleasentries. Slipped your mind?

CAPTAIN? sorry not to have reported to you before now! have had 24 hour diarrhoea bug.so thought it best to stay in cabin? from tomorrow it should be ok.{i hope this was not because of the ships kichen} just to check with PM, does my job involve press? report for duty am mandelsonx

I am the only one legally allowed to grant titles. You may request one and I'll see. King Dan

Ho Hum, An early night, I think. Must catch up on my .............. sleep. I'll audition the remaining male roles for the panto over the next few days. Mr Firth is doing very well so far. It's OK David I got the vodka from the trolley dolly. Sorry I peeped and told. Nightie night all. Gwynne

Dr Longlegs - in view of the state of the slappers health, do you think we should commandeer two of the deep freezes in the kitchen, in readiness? Although I must say that the councellor with the drink problem is likely to last for at least 6 months without immediate attention! I will be in the Medical Centre later on to discuss the ins and outs of the trade (if you'll pardon the expression) - suggest you might want to break out the bromide, once the slappers get their sea-legs! Jacqui - Blue Peter Badge Holder, RIP, GC Member, and general all round clever dickey!

Gwynne u've been looking, get your own bottle of vodka i was on my way to bring you one now i've got a monk on. Dorothy that brothel and the working ladies are in a right mess i think a good hosing down an confiscate all the liquor until the Ambasador has gone would be the right thing to do, i am not open to bribery well maybe not well maybe well. David (security)

Evening Cap'n - sorry to report so late for duty, but I had developed an embarrassing itch - nothing contagious though (it's peculiar to the individual, and when the antibiotics get to work I'll be fine (if a little hairy!)) I have plenty of supplies with me, winding sheets, nails, timber, disinfectant and am really looking forward to assisting Dr.Longlegs with the first p.m. anybody died yet? If you require my assistance I shall be below decks, sharpening my instruments in readiness! Mortician Jacqui DipFD MBIFD MBIE GCE BTEC (and qualified lanscape gardener!)

Dr. Mommylonglegs: Sounds like they should all be put in quarantine! Basic rations; no alcohol for 24 hours. After which the medication should have taken effect. Then perhaps they will all try to mend their ways! Security Guard David has my permission to put them ashore if they don't agree to behave better.

Hi David, It's OK you can leave he elf where he is. No stamina these halflings. I'll just stay quietly in my cabin. I'm auditioning Mr Firth for a role in the panto. It could take some time so I'd appreciate the bottle of vodka I ordered earlier. I didn't realise they made cricket boxes that small. Gwynne

David: glad to hear your plans! I think all should be oliged to watch 'That'll Teach 'em' to give them all a taster of what could be in store!

Hi Bev, Glad you have reported for duty. Good job I havent been busy today. I think everybody has been getting their drinks from Viv. Oh well hopefully somebody wants cabin service. Shout now if you want the Trolley to your cabin. Drinks, nibbles, sex toys(if you cant make it to the brothel, horrible place, not at all hygenic), books and whatever you want. Getting my wiggle ready to push that trolley. How does my hair lookxx

Telegram to Eileen STOP Join at Lisbon STOP if noone is going to scottish meet up then we will go ourselves STOP there are 11 so far and I think we're the only 2 onboard ship STOP if need be we'll make a swim for shore using all the empty bottles and hope that viagra gives us a wee boost STOP can rejoin ship at next stopover STOP GO STOP GO STOP GO (damn these viagra are good!!) Jill x STOP

Lynda i'm not passing by the brothel i'm popping in then popping out if you see my meaning, Liz take as much time as you need you must be thorough, then rescue that so called Elf poor chaps locked in the brothel. Dorothy i am conforscating all sharp tools, all undesirables will be tossed overboard a mile offshore. David (security)

Mommylonglegs: The addition of C.E. Len Carter was a very clever thing to do! A Purser is a bit like a Personnel Officer/Manager: Makes sure the staff and crew are doing their jobs properly, and ensures none of the passengers want for anything by chivvying the staff to get things done properly. I'm sure you are just the right person! It's something you could do, if you had an assistant, whilst you ae giving people their jabs: because you have got an assistant medical officer haven't you?

(Fanfare) If the Portugeese ambassador does pay a visit, send the PM to meet with him. Only request the King's presense if someone more important comes aboard. (Fanfare)

Don't anybody be worrying about the elf, He's handcuffed in the brothel, just watch out for Qwynne she's behaving like a deranged woman, she keeps trying to come into the brothel, without her security checks, shes not allowed.

Gd'evening Chief Engineer Carter: Glad to see you are taking charge of things below deck. As you will recollect, I gave out a weather warning earlier, do you think that we are on the right course to avoid this and sail smoothly on towards Lisbon. We have passengers to collect there. Eileen from W.Scotland you are welcome to join us: just check with the Chief Engineer for our navigational position. Do we have a Purser appointed yet? We really must have a Purser: I suggest Mommylonglegs take that job on: Perhaps we could then get some staff arranged, as there doesn't seem to be too much in the way of a sensible task force forthcoming from those who have signed on so far. Daniel seems far too concerned about when we are going to founder: has he got some reason? I think we should try to make landfall at Lisbon by morning: after re-stocking our stores, taking on any more passengers who missed the first sailing, we should be ready to continue from Lisbon at Midd day on Wednesday. That will gave all the sluts, lazy bu....rs and pros. time to wake-up and make them themselves decent and presentable. Do you agree with this Security Guard David? It will be down to you to ensure that there are no sharp instruments or tools left lying around: it's just possible the Portuguese Ambassador may want to visit our ship whilst she''s in port. Any undesirables, in your opinion, can be put ashore in Lisbon. Hope you all enjoy the Supper Menu: Nightcap drinks are 'on the house'. Speak to you later.

Bev, trying to serve drinks and shampoo hair but some rotton b*gg*r has dumped a load of 7 year olds on me and they don't want to learn how to make cocktails. I'll make sure they fail their KS1 SATs next year!!!