General Chat

(TANNOY) Ladies and Gentlemen: (If there are any aboard!) We intend setting sail again shortly, we are now running late: so I hope all who signed on in Southampton are now back from their shopping trips in Lisbon and are now safely on board. You will have more time to shop in the Azores tomorrow.

Doc, was your ass talking about Jean the slut, shes the bonny jolly lady of the night, I do hope she has'nt been turned by the vampire jacqui you engaged as a mortician

Mommylonglegs: In your capacity as Purser: can I ask you to draw attention to the fact that we should have sailed 40 minutes ago, for the Azores. I see you have 2 more passengers: Lisa (from Sunny SOuthsea) and Lynne from Sale, and that Margaret Thomas is now Head Gardener (not that there is a garden on board, you understand, but she'll be very useful if we get marooned on a desert island): hopefully Jim is on board as well. Could Margaret be asked to ensure that the flowers are kept fresh on the restaurant's tables....we don't appear to have a florist. Looks like Security Guard David has been overstretching himself as he's had to take a break to watch the footers! I hope he'll have recovered enough later to go on his rounds. I haven't heard from Chief Engineer Len, so I intend that as soon as I hear from you, Mommylonglegs, we set sail for the Azores without further delay. We shall dock at Porto Delgado, on Santa Miguel, which is the Capital. After a few hours there, we set sail again late tomorrow for the Bahamas.

Saw sad news and agree with everyones sentiments. No dinner required tonight, but thanks anyway. Jacqui

Jean, Ive had to let LLCool J have a little rest, covered him in garlic and holy water, we need to protect the brothel it seems we have a vampire in our midst, I watched every episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer so don't panic, get your stakes sharpened and lets get on patrol.

Dear Head of Slappers - was the cook a rather bonny jolly lady, given to walking around at night time? cos, if she was then I might just have "bumped" into her last night when I was out and about! think she wont be out until much later tonight then! Jacqui - Head of Transfusions

Dr - Purser - bearing in mind that I tend to sleep all day - what is the sad news please? Jacqui ps I fancy liver and onions for dinner, will supply my own offal!

Evening Cap'n, Dr. Bosun, Slappers all, Councellor, Hairdresser, Dressmaker etc etc and not forgetting Daniel (whoever he is!) Just to report that my instruments are good and ready for action (can't wait) so if anyone is feeling just a little bit queazy, then come see me and I'll show you my trochar!! Soon have you up and about. Trouble is, that I do tend to sleep during the day (in my coffin usually) and come out at night time (no garlic allowed near me!!) and I rather prefer no moonlight if at all possible - last time I went to the Azores was in 1648, and as I recall it was a good vintage! Jacqui - Head Mortician (and in charge of blood transfusions)

have to compose myself aswell david .not a good day after hearing gaynors news.feeling sad.xx

I'm off to the rest room to watch the Football, need a break feeling very down after the news from Gaynor and Rob, will catch up later David

Not yet David, just about to start tho - LOL! Having a quick one whilst I cook my elf's tea. Please keep the boots for me but I hope they are BIG as I take size 7! Lynne

All requests for the thigh length boots will considered, of course i will have to make sure they fit, whose been at the booze already sing or sign what are you like. David ( slightly recovered security )

Jenny that would be perfect. I put some gardening books in with my luggage along with spade, hoe and rake. If someone has a spare pair of wellies that would be good, I take a size 4. Digging out books and lazing on lounger with vodka and bitter lemon, planning garden. Maggie

I mean SIGN LOL Back later. Lynne

David Can I have the boots and the other gear please when I sing on later. Lynne the slut in sale

Hi new slut here, will report for duty in about one hour after I've done a couple of important things (like cooking a meal for my own elf) Lynne

Christina sounds like an excuse to me, could amount to dereliction of duty, i'll be watching carefully. I have locked the sharp knives in the brig along with two bags full of red shoes various sizes and heels, any of which can be signed out for use in the panto or what ever, they must be returned every evening after rehearsals or disco's. I also have one pair of red highheeled thigh boots, and stuffed inside a red latex mini dress and red latex pants and bra, would phew!! the phew!! young lady phew!! please collect them personally gosh!!!!!!. Must have a lay down David ( very shaky gibbering security )

Good with dogs, kids, and gardening. So I suppose any job involving them will be ok. Would prefer older kids as opposed to the little ones. Maggie

Jean lmao - you're enjoying it more than me. Re-usable condoms - must be a market somewhere for those, good thinking.

Hi, I got confused when the messages fell off the list and we had to start at the end. If you see what I mean. Can this be chapter one and can Dorothy "close" this when it gets full and start chapter 2? Please? I confuse easily. Gwynne PS Brian the elf is still here.