General Chat

Will do the rounds early morning when you least expect it be afraid David ( security )

Sorry, not into this confidentiality stuff, this is too juciey!. Have to tell you guy's, Dr Longlegs just came to my counelling meeting and................. A C

I am finding it almost impossible to use this communication system at present! It either doesn't do what I want it to, or I get 'Page expired' driving me mad!!!! Lynne : You can join us tomorrow, we dock at Porto Delgado, on Santa Miguel in the Azores tomorrow afternoon.... time for shopping before we proceed to the Bahamas.

Mommylonglegs: We are under way again ow, just pulling out of Lisbon docks....on our way to the Azores. Glad Eileen got on board just in time, what is her job? Not another lazy slut I hope! Wonder how she bribed that taxi driver to reach the ship in time? I'm sorry about the garden, I'd forgotten the Ornate Italian Garden on the upper deck (so the rain can keep the grass green) hope those lazy sluts who are walking with the cabin boy are not rolling around on the wet grass, especially with no knickers on, we don't want them getting haemerroids! They wouldn't like that, because they wouldn't be able to work and Madam Anne (Lynda) would be very cross. I wonder if the Security Guard might make an appearance soon and send them all back to their cabins.

My apologies for missing the boat earlier. My elf had left home for the Isle of Wight at 4.30am yesterday I was quite worried as he had not returned. As he left from Southampton, I thought he'd been kidnapped and was on board!! Maybe he was the one who was wailing earlier cos he was missing his soul mate?? Anyway he turned up ok and I made him a lovely meal, resulting in me not being able to board at Lisbon. Let me know the next stop tomorrow and I'll try and make it if that's ok. Hope David saved the thigh boots for me but if you don't need any more sluts, I'm happy to take on any other job. Bye for now. Lynne

Chief Madame - I only had a size 14, but I thought I would tell you about the size 38 - you would have a little room to move about in it!! And another thing, if its a company rule about no knickers, what's all them doing in the laundry - washing their dirty linen in public? Get to your work now and keep them men happy - I'll look for you later!!! Drac the Vamp

I sounds as if the drac ran into Kim the alcholic counsellor, I'm sure she wears a feather. Have a good slutty night jean.

Well, it was one of you ladies I met last night (she was wearing a sort of black lace basque, red knickers and had feather in her hair - looked like you Missus - sorry if it wasnt - anyway, she wont be on duty until very late tonight, and will be lunging for any neck in sight - polo-necks might be favourite tonight) dont think it was Lazy Bugger, cos she put up too much of a fight! Drac the Vamp

I thought it was you I bumped into last night Chief Madam - dont be surprised if you find yourself fast asleep all day tomorrow as well (little nap before sailing! what hogwash) Examined your neck lately??? I dont mind a nice stake now and again though, but easy on the garlic if you dont mind. I'm off now, to do the "rounds" so to speak - perhaps catch you later? Drac the Mortician ps. Red satin cape from Freeman's Mail order Catalogue Page 245, Sizes 10-38 £5. 99 p & p extra!!

In confidence only Just been told those damn sluts are in the garden necking again, I can't take much more of this! I'm stuck in here with only alcohol and whinging and wineing people, they are having all the fun. I need a male!!!

Vampira, the cabinboy, my grandson, thinks he's a rotweiler, and one of the dogs, the loyal but alcholic mutt called frankie, is my staffie. Every thing sanitary and above board. I used to the ass cook and. you dit'nt bump into me, was it a very wrinkly slut? or a lazy bugger who can't be arsed?

AC Here Reporting back on duty, had to get over the hangover first, but, Hic, sorry, does anyone need counselling? Sorry but I am a bit tipsy so you might have to come back tomorrow and repeat yourself, but you can join me in a drink and tell me all your troubles, as I wont remember a damn thing the next morning, so you can tell me anything. Confidentiality and all that. (but bribery will let me spill the beans, anyone got a bottle for some juice!!??)

I keep telling you I'm NOT a vampire - not my fault the jolly asst. cook went walk-about in the night and came across me out on a nightly "stroll", is it? And why are you keeping the animals with the cabinboy? that aint sanitary I can tell you! Jacqui

Damn! Have I missed the boat? Had trouble with my connections. Please, please can you wait for me. I'm just coming up to the dock as soon as this taxi driver gets his finger out. Please wait!!!!!!

URGENT could Margaret and Grampa be Vampire Slayers, Your ass mortician is running amok the whole ship will be over-run with vampires soon. Jean the slut, lazy bugger Marian and the rest of the girls are in the chapel with the cabinboy and the animals, tarts with hearts they are.

I seond that Cap'n Dorothy - we do need a garden otherwise where else will you be able to keep the animals? Jacqui the Mortician ps can we please hurry up and set sail, I dont really like travelling over water if I can help it!!

Quartermaster here. Have now finally got through checking out accessories of Sean Connery and Mel Gibson. Stores are all in order and any crew wanting to requisition equipment or supplies should see me. However, please bear in mind that the stores will be closed until my seasickness subsides (pale blue and green websites with dodgy fonts don't help my eyesight problems). So please bear with me and in the meantime, Make Do and Mend as my father used to say. Angela

Diana: You could quickly come on board now. Speak to Mommylonglegs as to what job you can do, should we get marooned on a Desert Island.

i've missed the boat couldn't find arm bands, rubber ring, swimming cozie with frilly skirt on or my swimming hat with flowers on with strap on too go under chin

I resent the implication that I might be a vampire - just because I enjoy a drop of the red stuff now and again (as does the majority of the crew by all accounts!!) and walk about during the night, and sleep by day in a coffin and was born in Transylvania, doesnt make me a vampire - by the way, is there a dentist on board? I'm having a little trouble with two of my teeth! Drac the Mortician - I mean Jac the Mortician! (slip of the finger)