General Chat

Jenny Dr. L, consulting my sister who's a spiritualist. Get back to you on it. Viv A.L.

Ok not a happy bunny. Have just been for a stroll around my patch of garden, checking out my plants...and someone has been in there. Garlic plants have been uprooted, herb garden is a right mess, and the carrots and cucumbers...well. Funnily enough the flowers are fine. Maggie

Put that splif out! Viv A.L.

Hi Jenny, That might have been Mr Depp. He's been wandering around looking for Elaine who left some shoes for the elf to mend. I keep asking but nobody answers - has anyone seen Elaine at all? Security Put that wench down and do your job. Early night tonight - have to audition young Nigel tomorrow. Gwynne (and the elf who has taken up permanent residence, it would seem)

Whats this how can you question the security, i'm all on my own Lisa's gone awol drunk in a corner somewere, i have to carry out lots of body searches, get called out at all times of the night, can't get much sleep with all the high jinks from the brothel, and now i've got to sort out this connundrum in cabin 69 with sightings of ghosts and stuff going on, personally i think it's all down to the drink half of them can't stand up let alone see straight, I'm on my way be afraid David ( security )

Dr Longlegs, Please stop drinking the wine in the wine cellar and then you won't see old men that disappear into thin air. If that is not possible then please pass the bottle!!!!! Viv the alcoholic landlady in charge of the wine cellar ;-) hic!

Steady Doctor LL its not me, I've been in my cabin all day, sitting quietly with my headache, bed sores and bunions. Wish I knew who the fat lady was who has been slung overboard, does anybody know yet? The security around this boat is disgraceful, David spends all his time in the brothel as per Jeans report.lmao

Quickly, Elaine ... confession time now ... could take a long time now. Revd Christopher is on his way.

Security here Admiral Dorothy, i have been lurking around keeping an eye on things, heading for cabin 69 to see whats up, could do wiyh Kevin on my team if he's willing, have'nt seen Lisa for ages, should'nt have left her in charge of all those bottles of booze. Just twigged on those thigh lenght boots were probably ment for the princible boy in the panto, ( but why the latex rubber clothes) On my patrol David ( security )

MOMMYLONGLEGS: You are needed urgently. I have just received a message from our Assistant Cook, Lindy, it was apparently her who got thrown overboard by the Portuguese Coast Guard and she's now been picked up by a passing fishing boat and she want's to return to our Cruise. She's suffering from amnesia and can't remember whos who (who can!) can you help her? Organise an immediate Rescue? I can't see her name on the original passenger list?

Revd Christopher is on his way to exorcise the ghost ... and anything / anyone else that needs it.

Mommylonglegs, I have had a quick look for this unsavoury gentleman and the notes you made about him, but cannot find the original 'warning' sign. Can you help me? Perhaps Joanne Prior got left in Lisbon....or did she embark at all?

I haven't heard from either the Chief Engineer or the Security Guard for 24 hours now! We shall be docking in Porto Delgado, Santa Miguel, Azores during the night. I hope they're still aboard, and haven't taken to the longboat or something. We are seriously short of some firm discipline here. Mommylonglegs: I think we should perhaps have a roll call tomorrow evening. Just to see if we could cope if we do have problems on the next leg of our journey. Everyone who is awake, on their feet, or capable can have the day sightseeing in Porto Delgado tomorrow, but should be back on board by 18.00 hours ready to sail to the Bahamas.

Ahem. I have been working really hard with auditions for the panto. I asked security to deal with Legolas and he hasn't. And Elaine's disappeared and no one seems bothered. Gwynne

Kevin: Oh dear, where to start! I guess it's my fault: See my thread on about page 7 or 8 or so. About a week ago, I asked that if we were all shipwrecked could we get along together and survive on a Desert island.....! From there the idea just grew and grew, that everybody wanted to be ON a ship going somewhere. It was agreed everyone would do this so the call went out for people's talents and how they'd use them to best effect on the island. That site got so large it was agreed we 'hire a Ship' to go on this Cruise (that may get shipwrecked). We sailed from SOuthampton on Monday midnight to go to Lisbon first, and we are now on our way to the Azores. Apparently we do have a lot of talent amongst us, although most of it appears to involve getting drunk or lying down in various positions! However, there are some very worthy passengers, like Mommylonglegs who is the purser, and David who is the security guard. Young Daniel has connections in the building trade, so he has bartered his assistance on the Island by suggesting he will be king. Because I started all this, I was voted in as Admiral! Passengers can join or leave at any of the ports we stop at ....unless we get shipwrecked! Then we really will see whos who! Do you want to come aboard? We need talents,hard work and good looks. ANYONE IS WELCOME TO JOIN TONIGHT.

Hi, Anyone seen Elaine? She left some shoes for the elf to mend and hasn't collected them. Could someone look for her, please? The elf is sulking because she hasn't collected them. Mr Depp and I will be dining in my cabin. We'd prefer not to be disturbed. Gwynne

Own up - who poured me a large pernod and forgot to add the coke - ? Only just resurfaced. Liz

Good evening utopians, what a lovely day its been or so Im told, I have to make more time to get on deck and possibly ashore I'm beginning to get bed sores. How are you faring Jean, my lovely but slutty friend. Has Marion moved yet, hope she was'nt the one that got slung overboard in Portugal!

whats the big deal bout this boat then someone please tell me

Evening all - resident Mortician reporting for duty - any need of my services yet???? I am disappointed that for all the debauchery going on there has yet to be a fatality (except the fat lady overboard near Portugal) I could have done a very nice burial at sea if someone hadn't pushed her first! I'm up early tonight, as some joker (and I WILL find out who) decided to hammer my lid on this morning - they had better watch their backs (or necks) I think I might take a turn around the Italian Garden tonight and look at the animals. Oh, and by the way, Mr Depp and I are old friends, we have crossed paths before! Jacqui