General Chat

Gwynne Obviously wasn't my elf you had on board then as he is still there and still wailing! Will join you later when you dock. Lynne

Hi Lynn, My elf is Legolas from Lord of the Rings. He seems to have had a traumatic experience after I let him out of my cabin for a while. He returned somewhat hysterical and faints when I ask him what happened. I had asked Security to deal with him as he was hiding under my bed weeping and wailing but Brian seems busy elsewhere. Maybe your elf could help keep the red shoes in good repair. You have to keep them hidden from Brian as he tries to confiscate them Gwynne

My better half - Revd Christopher - wants to know if anyone needs baptising or marrying or ? Joy

Ok. He needs to interview the prospective wife on a regular basis, every day am and pm. Prospective husband can wait till after then. Thank you. Joy

Atenzion! Atenzion! Theese is the Portuguese Coast Guard! We av ere one fat lady who say she assisant cook for SS Utopia....she getting lost in Lisboa...no find harbor... Stupid Woman! U no want! we feed to sharks... Hurry up making decision..We..ave better thing doing!

Atenzion! Atenzion! SS UTOPIA We canna wait no more! One fat woman go over board make big splash.. no more our problem... Now we return Lisboa! Dis ees the Portuguese Coast Guard! over and out!

Are you sure you want me to be a vampire slayer?? I have just about got the garden planned and was ready to start digging and planting. Garlic wont be a prob as can plant that 1st. Have had a look at the long range weather forcast and there is a tropical storm brewing, am a wee bit worried about my young seedlings, have got miracel grow, but may need something a bit stronger if the plants are to grow fast. Could the resident witch cast a few spells for me to ensure a nice big crop. Maggie

Hi Doc, I'm here but I'm busy with auditioning Mr Depp and the wailing elf. Would mysterious stranger like to audition? What's he look like? Gwynne

There will be no murdering while i'm in charge of security you can sleep peacefully in your beds, ( unless your other wise occupied know what i mean ) I'll be watching be afraid David ( security )

Hi Manda, The auditions are long and .........um............. in some depth. I may need him for several hours. I'll let you have him back, promise. Gwynne

Hi Manda, It's a deal Gwynne

I've missed the sailing again as I couldn't find the ship at 5pm today. Maybe, as someone suggested, we could start another thread on this cos' I can't keep up - LOL! I'll try to board later. C Ya Lynne

Evening all - resident Mortician reporting for duty - any need of my services yet???? I am disappointed that for all the debauchery going on there has yet to be a fatality (except the fat lady overboard near Portugal) I could have done a very nice burial at sea if someone hadn't pushed her first! I'm up early tonight, as some joker (and I WILL find out who) decided to hammer my lid on this morning - they had better watch their backs (or necks) I think I might take a turn around the Italian Garden tonight and look at the animals. Oh, and by the way, Mr Depp and I are old friends, we have crossed paths before! Jacqui

whats the big deal bout this boat then someone please tell me

Good evening utopians, what a lovely day its been or so Im told, I have to make more time to get on deck and possibly ashore I'm beginning to get bed sores. How are you faring Jean, my lovely but slutty friend. Has Marion moved yet, hope she was'nt the one that got slung overboard in Portugal!

Own up - who poured me a large pernod and forgot to add the coke - ? Only just resurfaced. Liz

Hi, Anyone seen Elaine? She left some shoes for the elf to mend and hasn't collected them. Could someone look for her, please? The elf is sulking because she hasn't collected them. Mr Depp and I will be dining in my cabin. We'd prefer not to be disturbed. Gwynne

Kevin: Oh dear, where to start! I guess it's my fault: See my thread on about page 7 or 8 or so. About a week ago, I asked that if we were all shipwrecked could we get along together and survive on a Desert island.....! From there the idea just grew and grew, that everybody wanted to be ON a ship going somewhere. It was agreed everyone would do this so the call went out for people's talents and how they'd use them to best effect on the island. That site got so large it was agreed we 'hire a Ship' to go on this Cruise (that may get shipwrecked). We sailed from SOuthampton on Monday midnight to go to Lisbon first, and we are now on our way to the Azores. Apparently we do have a lot of talent amongst us, although most of it appears to involve getting drunk or lying down in various positions! However, there are some very worthy passengers, like Mommylonglegs who is the purser, and David who is the security guard. Young Daniel has connections in the building trade, so he has bartered his assistance on the Island by suggesting he will be king. Because I started all this, I was voted in as Admiral! Passengers can join or leave at any of the ports we stop at ....unless we get shipwrecked! Then we really will see whos who! Do you want to come aboard? We need talents,hard work and good looks. ANYONE IS WELCOME TO JOIN TONIGHT.

Ahem. I have been working really hard with auditions for the panto. I asked security to deal with Legolas and he hasn't. And Elaine's disappeared and no one seems bothered. Gwynne

I haven't heard from either the Chief Engineer or the Security Guard for 24 hours now! We shall be docking in Porto Delgado, Santa Miguel, Azores during the night. I hope they're still aboard, and haven't taken to the longboat or something. We are seriously short of some firm discipline here. Mommylonglegs: I think we should perhaps have a roll call tomorrow evening. Just to see if we could cope if we do have problems on the next leg of our journey. Everyone who is awake, on their feet, or capable can have the day sightseeing in Porto Delgado tomorrow, but should be back on board by 18.00 hours ready to sail to the Bahamas.