General Chat

Think I'll have some Tandoori chicken and feed the rest to the wolves later - they eat anything. I wonder if the dolphins will fancy the prawns and salmon? Hmm, might just try it. Certainly saves on my budget! Now I wonder if that delivery of bedding straw will turn up this afternoon?

Fantastic! I'm supposed to be on a liquid diet only but after that session with the watersports guy I need some nourishment! Bec places some calmari, Tiger prawns and pasta salad on her plate for her and Preston.... Becx (Casino Manager)

****STANDARD BARBEQUE BUFFET LUNCH**** MEAT Pork Kebabs Peppered Sirloin Steaks Beef Shaslicks - skewers of tender beef and vegetables basted with a tangy soy sauce. Tandoori Chicken - skewered and served with a minted yoghurt. Gourmet Sausages - selection includes bratwurst, choriço and portland beef. Lamb Chops - brushed with garlic infused olive oil, oregano and lemon juice. Hamburgers - lean beef mince burgers mixed with finely diced fresh vegetables. VEGETARIAN Vegetable Shaslicks - bite size pieces of skewered asian vegetables with bean curd marinated in a light soy. Vegie Burger - made with fresh organic produce. SEAFOOD Tiger Prawns - whole market fresh prawns smothered with a garlic butter and served with lemon wedges. Calamari - tender strips, marinated in chilli, lemon juice and ginger. Grilled Baby Trout Fillets - topped with lemon and orange zest. Salmon & Lemon Grass Parcels served hot in foil Garlic Bread VEGETABLES Corn Wheels - brushed with butter and chives. Field Mushrooms - brushed with butter and chopped parsley. Mixed Bell Peppers, Eggplant, Zucchini - slow cooked in a chilli herb marinade. Onion Rings - caramelised with fresh garlic. Desiree Potatoes - lightly seasoned and cooked crispy on the char. Jacket Potatoes and Garlic Bread SALADS Caesar Salad - crisp lettuce, bacon, croutons tossed in a creamy anchovy dressing. Mixed Garden Salad - cherry tomatoes, cucumber, baby carrots and corn tossed together with a lemon vinaigrette. Traditional Potato Salad - freshly diced desire potatoes mixed with shallots and a homemade mayonnaise garnished with fresh parsley. Penne Pasta Salad - mushrooms, broccoli, baby spinach and pine nuts mixed through al dente penne pasta. Coleslaw - mixed red & green cabbage with carrot, spring onion and home-made mayonnaise. DESSERTS Strawberries & Cream Selection of Gateau Cheesecake Profiteroles with Toffee Sauce Exotic Fruit Salad German Chocolate Cake smothered in Coconut White Chocolate Cheesecake and Apricot Compote ****All Drinks to be ordered from the Bar**** HEAD CHEF Fat Lady

Leaping from zoo direction, recovered from hangover. Cora! Those camels don't look too good to me. What have you given them? At least they can swim, could ask the Ents manager about giving the guests rides - makes a change from jet skis. And those poor monkeys, too much fruit, oops! Need cleaning out again, and a vet, I shouldn't wonder. Has anyone spotted a loose zebra or two? It's so sunny I can't spot them in the shadows cos of their stripes. At this rate there'll be no animals to see in the zoo as they've all escaped. P'raps we could re-name it a safari park. Puts on sunglasses and goes to peer through bushes. Strong smell wafting from monkey enclosure.

*enters bar* Lunch, yummy. And just a small vodka, please. Gwynne (ents)

Who on Earth is that woman and what is she doing to those camels??? She's as high as a kite... Bec walks off in amazement...

On the Beach. Come on my lil beauties!!!! My darlin Camels from the Sahara!!! You CAN swim......Course you can....You can do anything you want me humpies, anything!!! Watch how I do it and follow me....Cora proceeds to take off her layers of unsavoury garments throwing them to the breeze.... There she stands in all her glory, her 56in chest all aquiver with excitement....You can FLY if you want!!!! Takes them gently into the sky blue waves....

Bec strolls into the hotel reception... Hmmm... wonder where that silly strumpet is who is supposed to be the receptionist...? Am going to wander out to the pool and see if I can find that watersports instructor.... Becx (Casino Manager)

I had better get down to the pool area and supervise the barbeque.....I hope those waiters are around to serve drinks to the guests because it is not in my job description.... Fat Lady Cook

good morning everyone how are we today oh i see my stock has arrived must sort that out before i do anything else

*Fat Lady Cook shuffles into the kitchen and makes for the staff bulletin board* Oh dear! That uppity little Sassy is at it again!, She did not do the breakfast menu. Lazy little so and so. Has she not heard of copy and paste! Oh Well it too late to do it now, breakfast is over. Anyway, I only come on duty for the lunch and dinner shift. *Fat Lady pours a cup of black coffee and shuffles out the door to find a quite spot in the garden to sit and meditate*

Gwynne's Mummy sits in a boat with what is left of her designer luggage. So far she has tried 16 islands and not found her precious baby. If only she could remember the name. Gwynne's Mum Gwennie

Sobbing, my face, what has that crazy woman done. I dont look like me anymore. I look like, oh whats her name that welsh one, married to that american actor. Dont know if I like this, everyone will look at me. I will be stared at. Is it too early for a drink, Ive been hiding in here all night and someone is bound to come in. The cleaners, oh no, must hide.

The Entertainments Manager wanders around the grounds. She thinks she can see someone dragging some bin liners through the trees. She walks to the animal compound and looks on astonished as she sees a camel runnning fast then jumping, only to land on its stomach with its legs splayed around it., looking puzzled. She thinks it best to go back to her room to prepare for the day. On her way through reception she can hear a strange howling noise coming from the restroom. She decides not to investigate and hopes that security will pick it up. Gwynne (ents)

Cora the Camel Coaxer nibbles on the mushroom omelette she has cooked for herself. Sighs with contentment...got a new job she thinks... I like working with animals...much less complicated than humans. Tries not to think of Maggie the Gardener...last seen screaming in terror in the Ladies Loo....Mmmmmmm this is NICE she thinks....munching away... a warm and mad glow coursing thru her body...the magic mushrooms are working their insideous way....I think I could take over the world..she thinks calmly...I certainly can fly...tee hee....must go and feed the camels some of me omelette....

You see,You totally ignore your guests-You spend your days playing games-perhaps I should join the staff.

Hang on, do I smell bacon and eggs? Hope so, the orang-utans love that for their breakfast. And what's this? Looks like not all the guests finished their fruit, I'll just grab a binbag and fill it up for the monkeys. Wonder how they'll like prunes? Totters on, dragging bag behind her. Disappears through French doors into gardens.

Sits up from behind a bar stool. Oo 'eck, it's morning and no camels caught. Cora the camel-coaxer I would love some help, thanks for the offer. I never know what to do with the pesky things! Now elephants and tigers are much more my scene. I think I'd better be off and muck out the menagerie. Ooh my head... Staggers to her feet holding her head and stomach, totters to the door.

As no member of staff attended to my phone request for a full english breakfast yesterday morning and I am still waiting 24 hrs later-I have left without paying my bill- Fartington -Wellby I shall be writing to the Tourist Board

The Entertaiment manager rises early. She was unable to get into the main building yesterday evening as it was so crowded. After breakfast she plans a tour of the grounds to ensure all is well with the guests. Gwynne (ents)