General Chat

Morning ministers morning everybody. Only two more days left and then we should be re-elected but not counting my chickens yet! I hope that the country see's sense and realises that we are the right team to lead for the future.!

Hi Rupert, You forgot one thing - caravans only allowed on the roads 8pm - 8am Gwynne PS Looking forward to Dee's posting tomorrow.

This is a party political broadcast on behalf of me and Dave or Dave and I. As from the ^th may when we have been returned to power I will be introducing new measures to combat the growing traffic jams which are becoming intolerable. You will recall that certain measures have been put into place . these further points are in addition to those previously referred to in the last parliament. Between the hours of 8am and 9.30 am all company vehiclesdelivering goods will be banned from the roadways. Between these hours only public transport ( omnibuses and school coaches ) will be allowed together with private cars where parents take their little darlings to school to be on the roads.(Thats a vote catcher for the women) Company vehicles will not be allowed at any time for private use, this will see about 50 percent of cars with only the driver using it off the road. for example no going home for lunch or arendevous with the next door neighbour at all hours for nerferious activities. This should also account for a fall in the number of divorce cases and a dramatic decrease in the birth rate. This measure will kill 3 birds with one stone. At 3 pm ALL grass cutting vehicles , builders lorries and heavy goods vehicles shall be barred until 4pm from using roads where there are schools. All schools shall make provision for off road parking when mothers collect their little monsters er i mean darlings. Suitable timings on a surname basis shall be laid out by the school caretakers.Only the little devils I mean the;ittle treasures between the ages of 5 and 8 shall use these cars. all the others can walk like wot I used to. Between 4.45 pm and 7pm only private cars transporting at least 3 people will be allowed the use of motorways etc. The etcetera bit will be made later. That was a party political broadcast by the > party, saving valuable debating time when we are returned to power. Rupert Bear Minister of Transport.

Just wanted the constituents to know, We have no mad cows here, and only a few mad people in Cowes, so please remember your votes count, on Thursday. That's the general election day, for those who hate politics! Juliette - Minister for 'Cowes' I.O.W. P.S. That was a partly political broadcast !!!

nudge for Rupert! Dave

Sending lots of good wishes to Barbara, hope she soon recovers, take care both of you :)

Hi everybody just a quick update Rupert(Ray) has e mailed me and Barbara has had her appendix out today and she seems to be on the mend, I send them both my best wishes. Davex

STATE OF THE NATION There are now possibly no Leprechauns left in Ireland because they now live here in either England or Wales plus the ones that are helping the Isle of Man with their invasion more of that later.Im sorry If Paxo asks me but I dont know how many there are. Kangaroo's I beleive there are over 50,000 and rising daily they are getting quite cheeky now and have started to take our jobs, only last night one served me in my local chippy.Scotland is now completly independent from Westminster government and they have started building a 50ft wall to stop us getting in. The North East have a new cultural attache some Bear, Gaynor I think and at present she is on a tour of the Uk taking in all the sites not sure at present where she is. Cornwall Im glad to say the the Pasty Mines are proving very profitable as are the Black pudding mines in Lancashire. Wish the Scots had stayed with us I used to love going hunting for Haggis up there. We are now proposing to use the Isle of White as a prison a bit like Alcatraz we are hoping to attract some Sharks to the area to stop Prisoners escaping. I will report on other areas of the Uk later. The Manxmen have been driven back down the East lancs towards Liverpool and we are well on top of this menace we have caught their leader Norman Wisdom but he keeps falling over laughing and pulling silly faces shouting Mr Grimsdale.

Hope all goes well for Barbara, Gwynne

Am sorry to hear about Rupert's wife P.M. I do hope everything is alright, thinking about Barbara, take care there Rupert.

Just to tell everybody that Rupert(Rays) wife Barbara is having surgery tonight lets all hope that everything turns out well.! Dave

Kangaroos are being repelled we are more bothered about the manxmen being led by that Norman Wisdom and Mr Grimsdale! Gwynne. Davex

Hope things are better today for you both, Rupe. Your 'Orribleness, What are your orders for this week to your loyal troops? Will the kangaroo menace be halted? Gwynne

Good Morning Ministers morning everybody,Just a quick one The Men of Peel have managed to take all points up the East Lancs Road but we have repelled them at Salford and we are preventing them from entering Manchester as we all know this is our 2nd City now,and we have lots of boys there that are 'Mad for it' so I dont think the Manxmen will get any joy there.The Manchester defence is being lead by Liam and Noel Gallagher so we are in good hands.More about this later. On a more serious note Rupert(Rays) wife was taken back into hospital yesterday we wish Barbara a speedy recovery,and hope that her and Ray are both feeling ok soon. Please take care Barbara and Ray. Dave

Would the Right Orrible PM Mr D Bennett please excuse me for my absence over the past few weeks..... My poor puter had a nasty virus and spent a week at the fixers.... As all is up and running again I am putting together a new bill concerning the state in which our social security is in... Hopefully this will be avalible shortly... Anything in particular you are wanting to add.... Mhairi (Minister for Social Security)

We have had a major breakthrough in the war with the IOM we have taken the airport out this morning,and we have also infiltrated Douglas Old Peoples Home we have put some old people in to listen out for information through their ear trumpets.The Manx army though is marching up the East Lancs Rd towards Manchester if the Minister of Defence is about could she please contact me I need to know her plans to repel this invasion.!

BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING *build Barbecues all along the coast* BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING *deploy BMDs* (boomerangs of mass destruction) BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING

Deputy you carry on with your most important tasks I will instruct the War Cabinet to repel the invaders with the upmost urgency.!

Your 'Orribleness, This is indeed an alarming development. We must seize control as other party leaders are indisposed. Tony Blair is on the sunbed, Charles Kennedy has been awake all night looking after the baby and Michael *chocolate teapot* Howard isn't allowed out in sunlight, according to the former member for Maidstone. I'll leave exactly what we do up to you as I have to straighten my hair and do my nails. Gwynne

Good Morning Ministers,Good Morning one and all.This morning I have some grave news that we are under attack from the Isle of Man.At 2300 hrs GMT they declared war on us.I think it is the Kangaroo Government influence that have infiltrated the oldest of our allies but nontheless we are now at war.They have already been attacking Liverpool from their warship the 'Royal Iris' and the Albert Dock has already been invaded by their crack troops the 'Manx Cats'.The RAF have been told to destroy the Manx Wheel at their earliest covenience.The Isle of Man spokesman 'Norman Wisdom' said 'Ooh Mr Grimsdale' I take this to mean some secret code for their plans for a beaching at Southport but we are resisting this we have already put lots more donkeys on to help the same as at Blackpool.Ultimatly I think the Isle of Man are hoping to annex Wales from the Uk but we will do all possible to stop this happening!The TT in June as already been cancelled by our part but IOM government are still insisting it goes ahead we shall see! As soon as I have anymore to report I will do so.!