General Chat

PM, Charles and friends, I must apologise for my abrupt disappearance from the party last evening. Lady Bear was not feeling too good and I felt it wise to be at her side. She is not well and will have to see how things go. I dont like getting emergency services out but I suspect if one turns up at hospital they will only refer her back to our doctor who like all the rest does not do visits and to get an emergency doctor out is like trying to prise the wine off Sally!. Before I say bye who the h***is Caine? The only joker I know by that name is the unwashed long haired layabout who lives in Emmerdale. I will have him back to work sharp and lively when I return to the House. Rupert with apologies

The very same I think Rupert you get him straight back to work! Have to go got to take my Mum to the Polling booth!

Sally (senior moments) will you have words with Guinevere about her consorting with Caine. The PM tells me that he is from Emerdale and therefore is strictly in your sphere you being in charge of Rural Affaires. He needs a good wash haircut and his mouth washing out with brimstone ,sulphur, and carbolic. He is DISGUSTING and our worthy Deputy should drop him forthwith. Rupert Minister for employment. PS tell the layabout that he will be back to work or my name is not Rupert Bear, and make sure you wash in disifectant before you come to the house.

Good afternoon everyone. I hope there were copious amounts of alcohol consumed by all those who could and on behalf of those who couldn't at the party. As minister for drink I feel I should have been there to support the bar, but unfortunetly was at work. I have been busy looking into the problem of the possible contamination of our drinking water, I have heard rumours that there was an infiltration problem caused by a herd of errant 'Dingles' washing in a reservior, i gather one of this motley crew also infiltrated the party l!! I at first assumed he was there as a spy- but really do not feel he would be clever enough to be able to do this. As a precaution, with the water supply I would like to suggest that all members of the party add their favourite spirit to any water they drink to ensure the alcohol kills off any germs, I know this is spoiling the alcohol but it is purifying the water. For those members who are unable to tkae alcohol there will be a special pill available which will have the same effect on the water. Beve. Minister for DRINK

PM just had a quickie,and find that Sally is no longer minister for Rural Affairs. I'm obviously behind the times can you tell me :- a) what merited her promotion to the Lords and why is she not working in the Commons like what I am. b) who is in charge of Rural Affairs? c) do you consider that any of the Dingles should associate with hon members? You will excuse me keep on dashing away with the smoothing iron but if the missus is not feeling good some one has to do it Yours Rupe

Greetings fellow party members, I'm quite capable of looking after my own rural affair for now, thanks to all for their concern. Cain is very well scrubbed and smells divine. Can I help it if I fixated on Heathcliffe at an early age? Gwynne

Rupert Sally is indeed a Baroness and also in charge of the Ministry of Bears and Trivia which you will have seen in her comments.Also Rupert you are still a 'Lord Nuttwood' if you look at the header.Will be back later have been electioneering in my local hostelery which is most important.

PM pardon my crass error in not reading your notice of appointments correctly. I thought that Sally was making upto Rupert not protecting him.

Rupert we have put Sally in charge of you because you are indeed a National Treasure and a endangered species!

PM I must tell Lady Bear when she is better that I am a national treasure and not her little treasure. I have been to the hustings this evening and what a fine show it was. There was one fella there shouting the odds for more space so I went down and gave him a couple of achers He was so grateful that it brought tears to his eyes. I thought I caught a glimpse of that joke Blair but must have been mistaken, no doubt he was home dreaming up some more fantasies. I am suprised that Sally was not any where to be seen considering her duties. I am only a little chap and she is supposed to look after me. Still I suppose she has much to do around the House so perhaps you could tell her to give me a bit. Well PM I'm far from on form these last few days so I will close now and bid you goodnight. Rupert

Goodnight Rupert and see you very soon!

Good Morning Ministers,Good Morning one and all.This morning I have some grave news that we are under attack from the Isle of Man.At 2300 hrs GMT they declared war on us.I think it is the Kangaroo Government influence that have infiltrated the oldest of our allies but nontheless we are now at war.They have already been attacking Liverpool from their warship the 'Royal Iris' and the Albert Dock has already been invaded by their crack troops the 'Manx Cats'.The RAF have been told to destroy the Manx Wheel at their earliest covenience.The Isle of Man spokesman 'Norman Wisdom' said 'Ooh Mr Grimsdale' I take this to mean some secret code for their plans for a beaching at Southport but we are resisting this we have already put lots more donkeys on to help the same as at Blackpool.Ultimatly I think the Isle of Man are hoping to annex Wales from the Uk but we will do all possible to stop this happening!The TT in June as already been cancelled by our part but IOM government are still insisting it goes ahead we shall see! As soon as I have anymore to report I will do so.!

Your 'Orribleness, This is indeed an alarming development. We must seize control as other party leaders are indisposed. Tony Blair is on the sunbed, Charles Kennedy has been awake all night looking after the baby and Michael *chocolate teapot* Howard isn't allowed out in sunlight, according to the former member for Maidstone. I'll leave exactly what we do up to you as I have to straighten my hair and do my nails. Gwynne

Deputy you carry on with your most important tasks I will instruct the War Cabinet to repel the invaders with the upmost urgency.!

BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING *build Barbecues all along the coast* BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING *deploy BMDs* (boomerangs of mass destruction) BOING BOING BOING BOING BOING

We have had a major breakthrough in the war with the IOM we have taken the airport out this morning,and we have also infiltrated Douglas Old Peoples Home we have put some old people in to listen out for information through their ear trumpets.The Manx army though is marching up the East Lancs Rd towards Manchester if the Minister of Defence is about could she please contact me I need to know her plans to repel this invasion.!

Would the Right Orrible PM Mr D Bennett please excuse me for my absence over the past few weeks..... My poor puter had a nasty virus and spent a week at the fixers.... As all is up and running again I am putting together a new bill concerning the state in which our social security is in... Hopefully this will be avalible shortly... Anything in particular you are wanting to add.... Mhairi (Minister for Social Security)

Good Morning Ministers morning everybody,Just a quick one The Men of Peel have managed to take all points up the East Lancs Road but we have repelled them at Salford and we are preventing them from entering Manchester as we all know this is our 2nd City now,and we have lots of boys there that are 'Mad for it' so I dont think the Manxmen will get any joy there.The Manchester defence is being lead by Liam and Noel Gallagher so we are in good hands.More about this later. On a more serious note Rupert(Rays) wife was taken back into hospital yesterday we wish Barbara a speedy recovery,and hope that her and Ray are both feeling ok soon. Please take care Barbara and Ray. Dave

Hope things are better today for you both, Rupe. Your 'Orribleness, What are your orders for this week to your loyal troops? Will the kangaroo menace be halted? Gwynne

Kangaroos are being repelled we are more bothered about the manxmen being led by that Norman Wisdom and Mr Grimsdale! Gwynne. Davex