General Chat

What was that? Did I hear that Black Widow woman? Of course she's got it wrong, I didn't say she wore bling - that's the other tar...... that one that thinks she looks good in stilleto shoes all the time - now I wonder if the Bar is open? And who have we got running it - was a girl named ...... um - Elaine? Quite a good worker if I recollect .......

Yes the Black Widow is here! And im not in bling dont ya know! *tuts* Not sure about this window thingy in me room, making me feel quite sick........*now wheres the bar*

The Admiral continues making her list: she has looked in all the De Luxe Class Staterooms - seems like only one is semi-occupied - a lot of Vivienne Westwood style frocks - v-e-r-y dated - and strappy high-heeled red shoes, which certainly won't go with most of the frocks, unless one wears sunglasses - cheap bling jewellry hanging off every hook - and the luggage - well! Del Trotter must have done a good deal there! In the 1st Class cabins, there's evidence of cheap Midnight in Moscow perfume and a lot of black clothing ...... oh! I bet that Black Widow Strump woman is on board! Oooooh..... Haven't yet seen Dr. Longlegs about, but she is so efficient, if she's on board, then we have nothing to worry about really. She's bound to be up-to-date on her medicines and injections ....... Gosh, I do hope she's willing to be The Purser again on this Cruise - that is soooo important. (Reading emails): What's this ''Pirate Ship within 50 miles on starboard side'' now that will be (looks at Navigation Map) - oh, it's no use, I can never read these things - we desperately need an experienced Navigator - hopefully someone will join the Cruise soon! Now, I wonder if that sassy Cook has any supplies on board yet? I'd really enjoy a good meal this evening - after all she hasn't got much else to do - yet! I wonder what happened to that Fat Cook - now what was her name? (Walking on to her own Deck area) Hmmmm - I've been asleep so long, I've forgotten where we are - I wonder if Dr. Longlegs remembers? So, what are the new Crew and Passengers going to be like? We had quite a few characters on the last Cruise ..... mind you there were one or two who were a bit - well - odd, to say the least! That woman who insisted on running a - well brothel - upmarket girls mind you - but, welllllll - I suppose it should be part of the service .........

JUST GET BACK INTO YOUR CABIN JACK. I SHALL BE WITH YOU SOMETIME DURING THE DAY WITH MY LITTLE BLACK BAG. JUST WAITING FOR MY NURSE TO REPORT FOR DUTY. CAN YOU KEEP YOUR BLO*DY PARROT IN ITS CAGE DURING MY VISIT. DR LONGLEGS. MD. ME.

OH MY GAWD, I'M GONNA JUMP SHIP ALREADY. JACK TRELAWNEY, AKA PIPS XX

'Where's the Admiral, Where's the Admiral' A little bird has told me we are to expect a PIRATE ON BOARD, WITH ONLY ONE EYE, AND A PARROT ON THEIR SHOULDER. We will need an Optition, I dont do eyes I'm afraid. So glad I have my anti Bird Flu Serum. Now everyone will have to report to me on boarding for their little prick. I anticipate setting sail at the stroke of midnight, 31st December 2007. PS. Am I the Pursor again this year??? Dr Longlegs MD ME.

bumping for the day 'crew' Deb

Please i dont want a cabin near Guinereve... * whispers I want abetter one please *

So 'Black Widow' is about and about to board. Dr longlegs will soon cure all her ill's. Then she can run around spreading her web. DR Longlegs MD ME

Dr. Longlegs is now on duty. But not too sure if I will be needed until I can see what Riff Raff is boarding. New rules WILL have to be made, as there is now a different class of folks around, and still strangers to a lot of us old shipmates. So I do now have newly developed Serums. There will still be the usual anti VD jabs available, but I have now added, Bird Flu, The Morning After Pill and my newly patented Cuckoo Fever Jab. The 'Morning after Pill' is available for all those who disgrace themselves the night previously. Anything they say the night previously will be forgotten as long as they take the serum before 9am the next morning. My new Cuckoo Fever Jab WILL be given to anyone who causes unrest or upsets anyone onboard the SS Utopia. They will be thrown overboard and no member of GR will attempt to save them. Lol. But of course all my Serums will involve a 'little prick' So if any of my past nurses can join me I would be very grateful. Gladys Emanuel, where are you???? Dr. Longlegs. MD. ME.

'Ahoy there Captain! --oops sorry 'Admiral'. I've been wandering around this ship for a couple of days by myself. The Doc was here, then she mentioned something about going to get something to prick something or other - you know what she's like, talks in rhymes that one does. And, I can't remember the name of that other one, you know her, fur coat and no knickers, and red high heels, she was going on about the mini bar being restocked. Do I look like a bar steward to you? Just looking for that Fat Lady Cook.........you know what she's like......no fun without Punch. I'll just get on with ordering supples, although its HER job. When will we be pushing off then Captain -- ooops sorry 'Admiral' and where will the winds take us this year? Sassy

In the Admirals State Room ''Waking from a deep, deep slumber......'' That's odd, I could have sworn I heard that sassy cook!!! and (thinks......) there was that strumpet Gwynne, I wonder if she's still staggering around in her red stillettos ..... hmmm, got varicose veins by now I'll bet!! (Pushing back the fake fur quilt) - ooooh, I wonder where we are, and what day it is? I'll have a look around on the penthouse deck, before going below, I bet it's bedlam down there - more like the Marie Celeste than a SS Utopia Luxury Cruise!!! Hopefully Dr Longlegs will be around keeping things in order, but not much hope of that ..........

Bumping for the day crew. Please report to the staff desk on the other thread. Deb (Sassy)

****taps right foot in my anti slip shoes for the kitchen*** Geez! I'm the lowly peon cook, yet, non of the senior management are to be found. Sleeping off the Christmas beverages no doubt! Deb (Sassy)

*opens mini bar* Where is the steward to unpack my extensive luggage for me? Gwynne

Ok, get my 'Private Cabin' ready and I'll come aboard in a couple of hours. Oh and can you send someone down for my medical bags please, 'I'm 52yrs and 1 day now you know' achey legs and all that. Dr Longlegs MD ME.

** Puts her down for an outside cabin. Wonder if she can pay for it?** Deb

Ooops. My messages from here have gone in one of my mass thread purges. Put me down for an outside cabin. Gwynne

Bumping up for the sequil 2006! Deb ** please resume your positions - new crew needed**

*** Awakens in the Lap Of Luxury*** Ah, New Years Eve apparently. Who knows on this cruise! Who know's what day it is? I heard screams coming from the Admirals cabin, I wonder what that was all about? ** Reading the 'Daily Events', that was shoved under the door during the night***** *New Years Eve Gala Party Cocktails 8pm Dinner 9pm Dancing 11pm * Off to have my hair done. I hope that maid, Joy I think her name is, learns how to do Hospital Corners. Prescilla