General Chat

'Ah a man.... Howie... are you any good with DIY? Whoever put up me trapeeze didn't do it properly... I sprained me bloomin' ankle...'

*Thinks* Me toy boy!!!!!!!!!

'I'll have a Power Shandy please!' lol

*wonders if that woman walks like that because she's trollied or whether it's the heels...*

*homes in for the kill on the toy boy*

Becs I am holidays no diy on this ship throw the old one over the side and just to let you know I have had the offer earlier from a rich widow to join her while she is on board so if I vanish eat your heart out Howiexxx

*Her again* Grips a heel.....oh so nice of you to join me down here whispers Do that again and ill set your heels in concrete...smiles ...gets up and struts to bar

PMSL Howie - 'tut' *goes off to look for a hunky young DIYer*

*Thinks* wonder when he's buying a drink....champers will do*

*Bar* Good god, she's locked me in! Still, shes locked him in as well...........now, wheres the champers bottles?

Over here Strump xxx

Oh yes!! Quite a vintage sir..........

TANOY Ahoy there you lillie livered lot this is the suntaned muscular well honed head of security David, just to let you know i am here watching you, don't want any bad behavour, no drunken orgies, and definately no creepy creatures such as crocodiles and the like on board, just going up to the penthouse, just to report in to the Admiral semi retired, got to make her comfortable you understand!!!. I will be on patrol later so be afraid and watch your step. Head of security David

*Jumps* Wish people would stop shouting over that thing! Fancy taking this to my cabin Howie?

WHooooohe sounds forceful sorry strump must go and get something to eat see you all later xxx

*thinks* gone for some thing to eat....what about me??? Best i follow him then..he must have meant i join him...struts off

*Penthouse* Well Hello Security Guard David, how nice to see you - you've obviously been taking the sun this summer, how bronzed you are!! I am just rushing around I'm afraid, as I'm going to dinner with some friends. Have you asked Deb what her plans are? I've just booked for a short Cruise, but I do hope it will be somewhere warm and sunny, don't you? Perhaps Purser Mommylonglegs knows the route? Listen (hands him the earpiece of the Tannoy) I hear that Madam Jean has arrived - Head of Adult Entertainment presumably!

Head of security steps out of the penthouse a little flushed smiling happily and heads off to find the captain, so as to check the passenger list and recieve instuctions, makes a mental note, must keep an eye on that mob of ladies of doutfull stature, and make sure everone has had all there jabs, Mommielonglegs is the one to see me thinks, he he he!!! Head of security David

*Penthouse* (Looking in the mirror, checking her new shoes match her outfit) That's fine. Right now, hope the restaurant is good, with an excellent Menu. And I hope my friends in the bar keep the noise down! (She leaves the Penthouse)

******Note to Crew and Guests**** Sorry about the absence for the last few hours, but I was commandeering another vessel, the SS Land of Nod. I see that we have some of the old crew and guests back. I’d better ask the purser to stock up on Gin and Vodka, we don’t want to be running out. I will be popping on and off the Uttopia today, as I will be meeting the purser to discuss supplies for the voyage. If Fat Lady Cook is anywhere about, we need you. In my absence Dorothy and Jenny will be in charge. You others are always too sozzled to make any decisions We will set sail at 9pm this evening, on course for Bermuda. The ship will return to port on Christmas Eve, that is, if we have fine sailing and don't run into bad weather. We are in need of more crew and guests. Deb