General Chat

derek thats the difference these people dont have to sleep together the embryo's have already been made what right does this man have to wanna destroy them along with his ex's happiness?

till death do us part,in sickness or in health,though i`ve never been married. this agreemnt is always being broken. they both signed this consent agreement believing the above. if you and your ex divorced would you sleep with your ex to give him another child,especially if you was with someone else. derek

Rather than just add my opinion to the thread I thought I would read the facts of the case first. You can do the same too: http://news.bbc(.)co.uk/1/shared/bsp/hi/pdfs/07_03_06_echr.pdf It didn't alter my opinion, but I'm a bloke. Since when did anyone have a right to a family? Some do, some make do, some do without.

But Derek if you had already donated the sperm then surely it's academic as you had already given your consent to having children with your ex?

Selfish g*t! If she hadn't had treatment he'd have knocked her up and still done a runner so whats the odds if she wants the child now instead of months ago? I wish the law would provide a loop hole where by the woman (or man where appropriate) can claim the embryo provided that thay sign a leagaly bound agreement that says the father will not me named on the birth certificate and will not be liable to pay any child support. This has come up were the father has died. Because he is unable to give his consent at the time when the embryos are defrosted the mum can't have the children.

very difficult. i think my new partner would be devastated if my ex- was to bear my child while we were to start our own family. derek

I suppose a pre nup is the best way to define it. Things have moved on tremendously in recent years and the law will have to find a means to catch up.

thanks allie! marie something like a pre-nup you mean? peter well said!!!

I think that in this case the feeling is that there is the suspicion that he is being spiteful as it really is her only chance to have children. Whether or not men like it or not there really is a primeval urge for most women to have children and the feeling is that he is denying her of this opportunity having previously agreed to her having his baby. I would have massive sympathy with a man who finds himself in a similar situation, as in the case of the man who attempted to prevent his girlfriend from aborting his baby a few years back, but the fact cannot be changed that child bearing has a major effect on both a womans body and mind so she shouldn't be forced to do so against her wishes. However, surrogate mother issue, yes. I think he would be intitled to do that though I haven't thought it through totally but that is my gut instinct. From what I can gather about the case she has offered to either give him partial access no access or whatever it would take if only he would give her the chance to have the child. I am sure legally his role could be defined in a way that would suit both their purposes.

Couldn't have put it better myself Lynda! Allie x

This man needs to understand that he already handed his 'stuff' over there fore already gave consent!! judge should say its a bit late now mate!! next men will be trying to get women to abort just cause 'they canged thier minds'! jess is right hes a selfish bast**d!!

Marie It is different - the woman has to carry the child but I think some of the women on this thread are being very unfair to men as if fathers of children don't have emotional connection with their child. Supposing that a prospective father was made infertile and the prospective mother didn't want to have the child, would it be right for the law to allow the embryo to be implanted in a surrogate mother?

David I think you know that there is no comparison as he does not have to carry the child for nine months with all the trauma that comes with it.

Allie I think it's a fairly silly and insensitive thing to say that men don't understand about not being able to have children - but perhaps my personal experiences of life are different to yours. Do you think that if the man had become infertile through cancer treatment the woman should have been made to have the child?

I believe he agreed to making the babies in the first place & under normal circumstances they would now be here but instead they are in a fridge somewhere. If they had frozen sperm & eggs separately I would agree with his right to say no but the babies are made & in that case I don't feel he has the right to say no. Vivienne

I agree so much with you Jess. Had a heated discussiong with hubby about this - it seems that in this case the male point of view is completely at odds with the female. They do not realise how much of a loss this is to a woman. I've been so lucky in that I have a long and happy marriage and two wonderful children, but I know people who have been unable to have children, or have had many miscarriages (I've had one, and that was devastating enough!). I don't think men have the first idea of what this means to us. Allie

Such a sad situation. Can't commit to an opinion as I don't know the facts. becx

Such a difficult situation. i feel sorry for the woman, I can't help feeling that the man is just being spiteful, on the other hand he would be responsible for upkeep of the child and having split with the Mum, that would be difficult too. I count myself lucky that I have two healthy children and three gorgeous grandchildren . I am truly blessed , and I know it . Sunny

Jess To be honest, I really don't know. I've thought about it a lot today because I think it's such a sad situation. It isn't that I think that the woman's right doesn't count - I see it as an equal thing and that if it had been the man who had become infertile and wanted a child I wouldn't think it was right for the woman to have to go through with it. My other concern would be with the child - there are enough messed up people in the world already who have grown up with the hurt of being unwanted by at least one parent and personally, I don't like to see the law condoning adding to the number. It's very unfair but the way I see it not all of us are able to be biological parents and we have to find a way of coping with it.

David. maybe from a mans perspective its different and that is why the law is an ass. if your ex and you were really in that situation would you really deny her the chance to have a child if it was the only chance ever, just because it wasnt right for you?What about right for her, why doesnt that count?