General Chat

The childs right would be exactly the same rights as any other ~ maybe i wished i had never been born ~ i was, although niether parent wanted me. maybe i would have felt better if i'd have known at least one of my parents had actually wanted me, and wanted me so much they were prepared to fight for my very being. Sorry . it is very hard to accept. IVF treatment is no different to any other medical treatment. If you need it , you need it. Jess

True, single parents do a wonderful job, but most times both parents started out wanting the child.

The would be child would be loved and cherished by the mother who fought to have him or her. As someone mentioned, there are single parents everywhere who love their children.

I feel very sad for this lady BUT, you cannot make this man a father if he dosen't wish to be, whether he agreed to it or not.

Jess, my point is that everyone is talking about his and her in my opinion selfish rights, but what about the would be child's rights? I have had to accept things in my life as most people do at some stage but thats the difference we accept things and others are just to selfish, As they say thats life, you got to get on with it.

I A N H . Yes lots of people cannot have children, but this woman's eggs were her only chance of having her own child. When the eggs were harvested, she was fertile and able to have a child, but during treatment any further eggs or any further chance of a natural pregnancy was stopped. Hence the embryos were frozen. I dont know if you have children, or if you are childless by choice or through infertility. But as a mother of two children, I would have been devestated if my last chance of my own child was cruelly snatched away by someone who will most likely go on to father his own kids at some point. (and im sure he will, as he wanted children badly enough in the first place to create the embryos) I cannot imagine for one moment, the pain of knowing your potential children (And they are potential as the pregnancies resulting may not be viable in the end just like natural pregnancies end or not even begin.). Are going to be destroyed before they have had a chance to live. There is a difference between someone who is childless and has tried to get pregnant, and a person who is childless but has the means able to carry her own child snatched away. Elaine x

i am not. here there are children the world over whose fathers do not care, Who had no desire for them to be born ~ but they were ~ the number that were 'duped' i guess is small proportionately. ''You were born, although daddy didnt ,Mummy loved you so much that she fought tooth and nail for your very being?'' - far better than not being wanted by either parent, and there are thousands of them too.~ we get by, its not optional, we have to!! Jess x * Bob, you cannot cover every eventuallity - that could equally happen to the child of divorced parents where the father was absent from contact

Iam Not Here (who are you really? lol) - you, and others that have mentioned this, have a really good point there. As the adoptive mother of a 15-y-o whose birth mother told her in so many words that one, or maybe both, parents didn't really want her (and we have this on report), it still affects her today. She knows we love her and her brother to bits, but that still plays on her mind now and then. By the way, we're adoptive parents because we found that I couldn't have birth children. x P.S. Didn't think of that, Bob. :-(

This may not be relevant, BUT in the event of her having child/ren this way, just suppose that she unfortunately dies..................maybe he doesnt want to be in a situation where he could be the next unwilling carer/parent.? Bob

I think that ,in view of the fact that this is not the first case of its kind, the law should be changed.In future the eggs and the sperm should be frozen seperately,then if the couple split up at least the woman has her eggs to be fertilised at a later date by her partner. Maddy

It's hard but lots of people cannot have kids, the problem is that people think that they have the god given right to have kids and they do not, having kids is a privilege, People want every thing these days and are very selfish in their pursuit of what they see as their rights, What people should be thinking about is how would all this affect the child? how would you feel about the fact that one of your parents did not want you to be born. their are enough problem kids today as it is why add to the numbers

Lynda - i think when you get that far down the line, you'd agree to taking the child and living in Outer Mongolia if that was the condition which you ex stipulated. I would have allowed my ex to be named or not on the birth cert, had access or not, which ever he chose. he already had children by one ex wife, and he called all the shots there too. jess

As everyone agrees, what a sad, sad case. My first reaction after I'd read the facts was how spiteful the male was. Then, reading some of your replies, I wasn't so sure. In my opinion Elaine made some very valid points. Now, looking back on all the postings on this thread, I think everyone had very good points. What an awful situation for that poor girl. x

quote from Elaine, that i would like to counter ''He has a choice, she doesnt....he can go on to father his genetic child...if he chooses.'' That is an assumption. This is why i said that each case needs to be considered individually.If the problem was with the man in the first place then maybe the chance to use the embryo should be his, not the womans. jess

In my opinion, I believe the woman should have been allowed to use the embryos to try to create a pregnancy. (In this case not in general) As someone mentioned, both parents gave their consent to create the child in the beginning, no one can be duped into making such a decision on this because of the trauma of what the process entails. The husband said 'The key thing for me was just to be able to decide when, and if, I would start a family.' He has a choice, she doesnt....he can go on to father his genetic child...if he chooses. She has lost that chance to have her own genetic child. What I think is they should let the woman try for a pregnancy with those eggs, if it happens, then the fathers name should be witheld from the birth cert, and a legal clause be drawn up to state that he will not be made to pay any kind of maintenance for the duration of the childs life. He also should also be legally stopped from any contact whatsoever with the child.... he lost that right when he wanted the eggs destroyed. Elaine x Ps {{{HUGS}}} for those who have suffered first hand because of the same rullings

Lindy - i dont remember the actual statistics but results are better. its something like X % of defrosted Eggs survive, where as (X+20)% of frozen embryo do~ not exact figure, just an example Eggs are frozen straight after harvest, embroy are allowed to grow to a certain cell stage ( 8 I believe) for ordinary straight forward IVF and 16 cell stage for blastocyst- a slightly different procedure, prior to freezing. Although the size is still miniscule, the success rate from blastocyst procudure is greater than straight forward IVF. The results from thawed Egg + thawed sperm is less still. Jess x

I do wonder why her eggs were not just frozen, why did they inseminate them into embryos, if they had just been her eggs there would not be this problem. xxhugxx

''I think it'swrong to vilify this man for a decision he obviously thinks is the right one for him.'' What about her? does she have rights? feelings? Jess x

its a hard one,I can see both sides to this tragic event. Roxanne

I am totally on the side of the potential child. How would he/she feel if they found out in years to come that they weren't wanted by BOTH their parents ? I would have loved to have children but it just didn't happen. You just have to accept your situation, live your life and find contentment in other ways. I think it'swrong to vilify this man for a decision he obviously thinks is the right one for him.