General Chat

Jess - whether I had children or not I have always considered myself to be on the same level as the rest of the human race. It's sad that you cannot come to terms with your situation but I'm sure no-one thinks any the less of you as a human being for being unable to reproduce.

jayvee~ i guess that is what makes us all different people. woman have a role in this life, probably the onlyRole that cannot be intercahnged with a man ~ and that is to carry a child. Its a fact that it is a very special thing that only a woman can do ~ and i fail.That does put me behind other women and i can't possibly be on a par with them, much as i hate the feeling, its a fact. Jess x

Marie - I also had one chance of being a mother and had it snatched away from me but I don't see the point in living an embittered life because of it. I've had a wonderful marriage (so far!), caring family and friends, enough money to get by and good health. I feel well blessed.

There are so many issues here....BUT why should the man be forced into fatherhood when he no longer loves the would-be mother? In 1979 (hopefully the Law is now changed), I went into hospital for sterilisation, I had nearly died in pregnancy with my son and had been warned that there was an 80% chance of it happening again. As it was my body at fault, I thought it would be wrong to ask my hubbie to have a vasectomy, in case he had another partner in the future. The night before the op the hospital demanded that I get my husband in to sign a consent form!! I have been so lucky, we have one healthy son, born to parents in their late thirties, I would have loved a daughter too but had to accept that the danger of dying was too great. We ladies can't have everything we want! Lily

Lily No one is forcing this man into fatherhood, he had already made that decision when he agreed to create embryos with this lady. Jayvee It's great that you feel like that and I do admire you for it, however not everybody deals with difficult situations in the same way. Just going on personal experience I believe that I would have become embittered by it and I feel desperately sorry for this lady and for Jess as I think it is a down right unfair situation for them to be in. I know life is not fair, but I really can't think of a decent reason for this man to behave in this way. It is cruel.

On Richard & Judy, the lady involved Vivienne

Pity they didn't freeze some of her eggs, unfertilised, to be used at a later date.

I agree with Valice think the clinic should have thought of that solution as probably the parents were not thinking too clearly. Also think it must be dreadful for her if the eggs are destroyed after all they are a part of her - But again can see both sides Norah

I've been watching this debate with interest and it's nice to see so many points of view expressed eloquently and reasonably. Another thought came to mind for me after my last comment and in relation to something someone else said - Unfortunately, life isn't a level playing field. In some ways, it's people's and science's efforts to make it so that causes so much misery. Previous debates on 'political correctness' illustrate this too, I think, though I'm not in any way trying to change the subject of this thread. What this woman 'should' have done doesn't matter really - we're all wise with hindsight.

I think if we think of the fact that children are GIFTS from God (whoever he may be) and not a RIGHT as an indivual then it may explain why some people do not have them. One of my friends is against Adoption, which we all find strange as she is adopted, but her adopted father died when she was 11 and it crushed her world!! Who is to say what is right or wrong but if the medics stopped fiddling with nature we wouldn't have these decisions! Pink (who i repeat is childless and who would love to be a mother but never will be) xx