General Chat

I think that ,in view of the fact that this is not the first case of its kind, the law should be changed.In future the eggs and the sperm should be frozen seperately,then if the couple split up at least the woman has her eggs to be fertilised at a later date by her partner. Maddy

This may not be relevant, BUT in the event of her having child/ren this way, just suppose that she unfortunately dies..................maybe he doesnt want to be in a situation where he could be the next unwilling carer/parent.? Bob

Iam Not Here (who are you really? lol) - you, and others that have mentioned this, have a really good point there. As the adoptive mother of a 15-y-o whose birth mother told her in so many words that one, or maybe both, parents didn't really want her (and we have this on report), it still affects her today. She knows we love her and her brother to bits, but that still plays on her mind now and then. By the way, we're adoptive parents because we found that I couldn't have birth children. x P.S. Didn't think of that, Bob. :-(

i am not. here there are children the world over whose fathers do not care, Who had no desire for them to be born ~ but they were ~ the number that were 'duped' i guess is small proportionately. ''You were born, although daddy didnt ,Mummy loved you so much that she fought tooth and nail for your very being?'' - far better than not being wanted by either parent, and there are thousands of them too.~ we get by, its not optional, we have to!! Jess x * Bob, you cannot cover every eventuallity - that could equally happen to the child of divorced parents where the father was absent from contact

I A N H . Yes lots of people cannot have children, but this woman's eggs were her only chance of having her own child. When the eggs were harvested, she was fertile and able to have a child, but during treatment any further eggs or any further chance of a natural pregnancy was stopped. Hence the embryos were frozen. I dont know if you have children, or if you are childless by choice or through infertility. But as a mother of two children, I would have been devestated if my last chance of my own child was cruelly snatched away by someone who will most likely go on to father his own kids at some point. (and im sure he will, as he wanted children badly enough in the first place to create the embryos) I cannot imagine for one moment, the pain of knowing your potential children (And they are potential as the pregnancies resulting may not be viable in the end just like natural pregnancies end or not even begin.). Are going to be destroyed before they have had a chance to live. There is a difference between someone who is childless and has tried to get pregnant, and a person who is childless but has the means able to carry her own child snatched away. Elaine x

Jess, my point is that everyone is talking about his and her in my opinion selfish rights, but what about the would be child's rights? I have had to accept things in my life as most people do at some stage but thats the difference we accept things and others are just to selfish, As they say thats life, you got to get on with it.

I feel very sad for this lady BUT, you cannot make this man a father if he dosen't wish to be, whether he agreed to it or not.

The would be child would be loved and cherished by the mother who fought to have him or her. As someone mentioned, there are single parents everywhere who love their children.

True, single parents do a wonderful job, but most times both parents started out wanting the child.

The childs right would be exactly the same rights as any other ~ maybe i wished i had never been born ~ i was, although niether parent wanted me. maybe i would have felt better if i'd have known at least one of my parents had actually wanted me, and wanted me so much they were prepared to fight for my very being. Sorry . it is very hard to accept. IVF treatment is no different to any other medical treatment. If you need it , you need it. Jess

Most parents start out wanting their child ? (as BOTH of these people in this case did) Yes most do, but also many pregnancies are the result of casual flings, and in lots of the cases, some males (Ill not say men) run a mile once they have got what they wanted. Also some women also run a mile from the men lol ! So no, in my opinion, in a lot of very casual relationships not a lot of people start out wanting their child, be it men or women. Elaine x

If the judge had ruled in favour of this woman and she bought the child up by herself, what would happen if she lost her job and had to claim child support from the father? We will have to agree to disagree on this. I still stand by the fact that you cannot make this man a father if he has no wish to be.

but it okay to deny the inverse to a woman? **not avioding/not repling , i'm going to work until early PM. anyone else been here? tell them how it feels please.

In a case such as this I don't think that there can ever be a happy ending.

'She also signed to say that he could change his mind at a later date'. Crumbs Sandra, I didn't realise that. It therefore looks as if she hasn't a leg to stand on, legally? That poor girl, she must be kicking herself now. All my best wishes go to her. x

Something else which has occured to me. If the woman would of been allowed to have her child, what would happen if she died and she has no familt to take the child in. What would happen to the child then?

'IVF treatment is no different to any other medical treatment. If you need it , you need it.' Can't agree with this statement I'm afraid. Being childless is not an illness.

I think that if this lady had felt for one moment that her boyfriend would at any point in the future refuse permission for the embryos to be used, she would have taken a different route, ie she would have had her unfertilised eggs frozen for the future where she would have the final say in what happened to them. He knew this would be her one chance when he agreed to the process. Who would think that somebody who loves you would be likely to let you down like that about something that was obviously so important to her? Especially as at the time she was suffering from the blow of finding out she had cancer and was probably not in a fit state to make a decision like that. Maybe in the future the answer to it will be to freeze both embryos and unfertilized eggs so that another woman doesn't have to be put through what this poor lady has.

jayve, of course childlessness isnt an illness. The result of an illness that leads to the need for IVF (and alike) can be, What IVF does in that case is puts you back on the level of the rest of the human race. i am glad that you have come to terms with you childlessness~ i havent and dont see that i ever will~ and i dont mean that in anyone other way than the way in which it is written. jess

Jayvee I have to say I agree with Jess. There was a very distinct possibility that I could have been childless and I don't think I would ever have got over the bitterness I would have felt if my one chance of having a child were snatched from me. Luckily for me I have kids but that doesn't stop me from feeling deeply for others. It is good that you have been able to deal with it and move on but can't you see it from the point of view of others who by not having children feel like they live in a permanent state of loss and bereavement?