General Chat

I had an almost identical situation when my girls were teenagers. However a few days after I found out that what the girl had told me was not true. What happened was she was getting attention by claiming these things had occured. It turned out her Mum was working & had no time for her so somebody elses Mum was the next best thing. I was a working Mum too, so know how difficult it is to balance everything. Just tread carefully.

Jane you are in a funny situation. Obviously you talk to your daughter, but many parents don't. Perhaps she could talk to her mother with you there? That is if you feel you can do that? It is sad isn't it. I used to think that all mothers talked about sex to their children. Then my youngest was asked in his first sex ed. class. 'how many of you have been told anything by your parents?' THERE WERE TWO!! Including my boy. Sad. Deanna X

i will also send my thoughts to you, hope the mum acts favourably to you and sympathetic to her daughter, no good ranting, (julie says who rants and raves at most things ) learning it doesnt help, im only glad my kids talk to me,

My daughter is 14 and I would be furious if another Mother took my daughter to the doctors, ( I have a open and straight talking rleationship with my kids so I know and pray it wouldn't happen to me, but never say never) I think you are best to go with the daughter as support whilst she tells her mother, and that is all, to take her to the doctors is a step too far, I see what you are trying to do and applaud you for having a kind heart but this could end up smacking you in the face. The best advice you could give the girl is to tell her mother and then wait in the wings if a shoulder to cry on is needed. Good luck in whatever you decide to do, as we can all offer advice but you are in the thick of it and have to make the decision not us Joanne

Hope it all turns out for the best!! And I hope you're not put in too arkward a situation by the mother!! Another hug xx

Yeah I know. The system needs sorting.

I will very interested in hearing what The Mother has to say.

Yes, putting it like that it is. Am just trying to get hold of the Mother now!!!!

Thats true Dan it is But its also scarey as he may not be fully aware of the girls age, after all, lots of 14 year olds look older nowdays, and if shes been meeting him at 12.30am he may even be less aware of her age. (as most 14 year olds arenot allowed out at that hour) Elaine x

So it's also a criminal matter.

Thanks Mags. Daniel, bless your so sweet. What of the boy? Expect he is in the bush with someone else now. He is 18 and should know better.

And the boy? What of him?

I would also suggest the morning after pill. I think you can get home test kits for clymidia now but still there are all the others she needs testing for, so a visit to the local clinic would probably be best as on her part she would probably feel a little less embarrassed if it wasn't her own doctor. It is all very confidential so she will feel it can't get back to her parents. Awful situation to be in but just have to do whatever is best for the girl concerned and hope it frightens her into taking more precautions in future. Lectures when they are that age I feel don't seem to work unfortunately so a gentle approach may work. At least if she feels she can confide in you its better than no one at all. Good luck, rather you than me. Take care :o)

Thanks Pink I really needed that janey xx

Whatever happens me sending ya a hug for being a Mummy that kids can talk too!! xx

Ps You can teach someone all the facts about sex, but when hormones kick in, teaching, reasoning and common sense go out the window, you always think 'It wont happen to me' or 'Once wont matter'...carried away comes into force. Hopefully, Im quite open with my two kids (now 11 and 7) as they get older and ask questions I answer them as truthfully as their age warrants.(and we laugh at issues to not make them a big a deal such as body hair {FUR LOL}) In years to come, I will encourage them to come to me with worries such as contraceptives and pregnancy worries. Even though i will tell them I may get angry and upset with them first, If we get say..a pregnancy issue arrises but I will calm down and support them every time. Elaine x

Most young people are terrified about telling their parents things like this No one wants to feel they have let their parents down. I remember having a boyfriend when I was 15, he was 18. no funny business went on and we shared nothing more than a kiss or cuddle. Yet my aunt took me to the side and gave me a talking to, you know 'If you get pregnant it will kill your Dad' type of talk. A few years on, and in my first serious relationship at 16, I had a scare (which was a false alarm) I was TERRIFIED and vowed Id not tell my dad if I was pregnant. Looking back now, I can see he most likely would have grumbled but then accepted the idea. But at the age i was then, I couldn't see that, and neither may the 14 year old girl Elaine x

You have a lot more patience than me! I would have gone to the mother way before now - drinking is illegal, sex is illegal etc etc and it is not your responsibility - you could get into trouble (with the family and with the law) for 'helping' and protecting this girl. Please be very careful! I disagree with 'what are they teaching them at school' - in my opinion this sort of thing should be taught in the home first and foremost - I'm sure you have done so with your own daughter and not relied on anyone else to do it for you. At least you know then that your child has all the facts and you have crossed the 'talking' barrier together. Maz. XX

i sympathise with you i have a 15 year old boy and 19 year old girl i get on well with their friends, id hate to have to sit and chat about that with um though, only for the fact their mums should be approachable, 14 is so young to deal with that kind of relationship isnt it, hope the young lady is ok

How true Maureen. I see them as little girls doing adult things. Looking back maybe I was a late starter : > (( But I tell my daughter there is so much more to life, and at 14 she has time when she is older to do all the grown up stuff. Life is far to short and they should be out there enjoying there childhood.