General Chat

Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it. Things are more like they used to be than they are now. A clear conscience is merely the result of a bad memory. Conlusion : the place where you get tired of thinking. Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.

REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag an overweight man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost !!! HOPE YOU DON'T MIND MY ADDITION, BOYS. PIPS XX

AH SO, KEITH

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

So I went to the dentist. He said 'Say Aaah.' I said 'Why?' He said 'My dog's died.''

PILGRIM FATHER, KEITH AND BRIAN...KEEP THEM COMING..THEY ARE REALLY GOOD. PIPS XX

I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore I am perfect.

'So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

I'm in shape. Round's a shape isn't it? Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice? Women like silent men. They think they're listening.

People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses. Friction is a drag.

Why are they called 'hemorrhoids'?. They should be called 'Asteroids' Bad spellers of the world untie.

If you're too open minded your brains will fall out To all you virgins - thanks for nothing.

IF 4 OUT OF 5, SUFFER WITH DIARRHOEA, DOES THE 5TH, ENJOY IT ?

very clever. I love play on words so keep peeking in to see what you come up with. Caz

Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Last from the 'Civil Service Pensioner'. Other sources now. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.