General Chat

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. Madness takes it's toll. Please have exact change. Proof read carefully to see if you any words out.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Atheism is a nonprophet organization. If love is blind, why is lingerie so important. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me........they were cramming for their finals. Clones are people two. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. How is it possible to have a civil war?

It's bad luck to be superstitous. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions. Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. Surburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name the streets after them. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. Q. What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? A. She drops him off at the golf course.

If I throw a stick will you leave. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. If I want to hear the patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

London Polioce have apprehended and put into custody a donkey. They can't pin anything on him. Whither you look, thither shall you fly Seeing once for yourself is better than hearing a hundred bits if news. At the moment of meeting the parting begins. If you love your child send him on his travels.

How do you make a slow reindeer fast? Don't feed it Why did the reindeer wear black boots? Because his brown ones were all muddy How long should a reindeer's legs be? Just long enough to reach the ground Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach? Because he didn't want to be recognised Which reindeer have the shortest legs? The smallest ones Where do you find reindeer? It depends on where you leave them What do reindeer have that no other animals have? Baby reindeer What’s the difference between a biscuit and a reindeer? You can't dunk a reindeer in your tea If a reindeer lost his tail, where would it go for a new one? A retail shop Why don't reindeer like penguins? They can't get the wrappers off Why do reindeer scratch themselves? Because they're the only ones who know where they itch What did the dog say to the reindeer? Woof, woof What’s the difference between a reindeer and a grape? They're both purple, except for the reindeer What's an ig? An eskimo's home without a loo What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark? Frost bite What's white, furry and smells of mint? A polo bear What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush? One crushes boats and the other brushes coats What did the snowman order at McDonalds? Icerbergers with chilli sauce What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert? Lost Who delivers Christmas presents to cats? Santa Paws Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve? Because he's Sooty ! Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? Ribbon hood. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa? Claus-trophobic. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes. Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental. Father to three-year old: 'No a reindeer is not a horse with TV antenna. Teacher: Why did you bring that Christmas plant to school? Student: Don't worry. It's just for the holly-days.

My wife tells me that unlike men, women can multi-task. How come then I end up finnishing all the jobs she has started and never completed?. Sorry dear , still love you

I have a responsible job. Whever anything goes wrong the boss says I'm responsible.

Blessed are they that laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. My job is secure. No one else wants it. Sometimes I wish life had subtitles. I'd rather be driving a golf ball.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

What did Cinderella say when the Chemist lost her photographs? Someday my prints will come What kind of pet did Aladdin have? A flying car-pet What do reindeer say before telling you a joke? This one will sleigh you Why do reindeer wear fur coats? Because they would look silly in plastic macs

Mental back up in progress - do not disturb. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left. I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me.

On a packet of 'Cured Ham' why don't they tell you what it was suffering from?

Why was Cinderella such a poor football player? She had a pumpkin for a coach What's beautiful, grey and wears glass slippers? Cinderellephant What's the scariest pantomime? Ghouldilocks and the three bears On which side of the house did Jack's beanstalk grow? On the outside

Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden? Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe! What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle Bells, Jungle bells Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters? They both drop their needles What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? Thanks, I'll never part with it

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? Santapplause Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws

By the time you have made ends meet, they move the ends. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends.

What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations? You get tinsel-itus What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ? Grave-y What did one Angel say to the other ? Halo there