General Chat

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon".

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to....."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good.

Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed and sometimes the living room floor is fun!!. You can really spread out there!!."

"Bathtub!, living room floor!? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.

But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work, a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And, these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours too!.

The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.

Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just hadto pack it all in!!."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, ?uh...equipment?"

"It's ?true, Ma'am, yes..... Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"!!!

"Oh ?yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.

It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."

At which point, Mrs. Smith fainted!!!!!!

 duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak....He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun.
Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged... shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed he was approached by his doctor.
"Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.
""What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my brother."
"Oh, well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your brother a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly." answered the doctor. "He's a flute player in the
local symphony and he's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."

Gems from Caz!

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can Give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny. (Julie age 7)

13) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

Take Time - A Poem With So Much Meaning
TAKE TIME

Take time to think - It is the source of all power

Take time to read - It is the foundation of all wisdom

Take time to play - It is the source of perpetual youth

Take time to be quiet - It is the opportunity to seek God

Take time to be aware - It is the opportunity to help others

Take time to love and be loved - It is God’s greatest gift

Take time to laugh - It is the music of the soul

Take time to be friendly - It is the road to happiness

Take time to dream - It is what the future is made of

Take time to pray - It is the greatest power on earth

Take time to give - It is too short a day to be selfish

Take time to work - It is the price of success

Author Unknown

Today, take time, or rather make time for what’s really important in your life. Remember to share a smile, give a hug, hold the door open for another person, be courteous when driving, call someone you haven’t talked to for awhile, write a letter to a loved one, and tell those close to you that you love them. Life is too short to go around living it with anger or hatred.

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her
embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.

Then, she takes a close look and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask , smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......



A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

I met an older woman at a club last night.
She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she
Probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and we had a bit of a snuggle, and she asked if I ever had a 'Sportsman's Double?'.
'What's that?' I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
'Oh.' I said as my mind began to embrace the idea, 'No, I haven't.'
And I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like.
We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was 'my lucky night'.I went back to her place.
We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom, you still awake'?

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a
bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls
you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling
for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl
calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending
over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all
the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long
graceful legs You know the kind.
So I'm in my room and figure, what the hell, I'll give her a call.
"Hello?" the woman says. God, she sounded sexy.
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you
to come to my room & give me one - No, wait, I should
be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I
really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now.
I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it,
we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've
got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all
night; Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip
cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that
sound?"
She says, "That sounds fantastic ......... ........... but for an outside line you need to press 9." ____________________________________________________

The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.

They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell?

Ees bacon I ahm sure of eet."

"Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture ..

there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...

every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved!

Eet EES a bacon tree!"

"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage?;

We ees in the Desert don't forget."

"Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that ...Luis races toward the tree.

He gets to within 5 meters, with Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks.

It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man,you was right...ees not a bacon tree."


"Luis Luis, mi amigo...what ees it?


"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree...



Ees..........




Ees...






Ees.........





Ees....





... Eees a Ham Bush

Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly so the morgue needed someone to identify the body.

His two best friends, Seamus and Sean (also Irishmen), were sent for.

Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said "Yep,he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over". So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it aint Paddy".

The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.

Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over. The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No,it
ain't Paddy".

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two ar* seholes."

"What............., he had two ar * seholes???" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two ar* seholes....'"

************************************************************************

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.

Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four".

"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons."

"You can not pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law."

The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."


************************************************************************
Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off his new flat.

After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.

"Why, that's my Speaking Clock" the man replied.

"How does it work?"

"I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer.

Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, "For **** sake, you b*stard, it's twenty to two in the ****ing morning!!"


************************************************************************

Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You b*stard!"

The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your mother-in-Law to death with a spanner."


Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You ****ing b*stard!!!"

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, "Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall
charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?"

Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen
years I lived next door to that b*stard. And every time I asked to borrow a ****ing spanner, he said he didn't have one!"


************************************************************************

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer.

After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another
beer.

After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks
for another beer.

This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him,
"Why do you keep looking in your pocket?"
The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks
good enough, I'll go home."

From Caz Nr Heathrow.


6 reasons not to mess with children.

(1)
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

(2)
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.

She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

(3)
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy, the oldest of a family, answered, "Thou shall not kill."

(4)
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor'."

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

(5)
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

(6)
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

I'D LOVE TO BE EIGHT AGAIN

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. I'd love to be eight again" she replied.
On the morning of her birthday he rose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops and then took her off to the local theme park.
What a Day!
He put her on every ride in the park:
* The Death Slide
* The Wall of Fear
* The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a
refreshing chocolate milk shake.

Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog,
popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and M&Ms.
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted.

He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked
"Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed



"I meant my dress size, you ...... twit"


The moral of this story: Even when a man is listening, he's still going to get it wrong.







A son asked his mother the following question:

"Mum, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your
friends and relatives that your bride is pure."

The son says, "Thank you, Mum," and goes off to double-check
this with his father.

"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all
household appliances come in white."

An older
lady gets pulled over for speeding...



Older Woman:
Is there a problem, Officer?



Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.



Older Woman: Oh, I see.



Officer: Can I see your license please?



Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.



Officer: Don't have one?



Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.



Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.



Older Woman: I can't do that.



Officer: Why not?



Older Woman: I stole this car.



Officer: Stole it?



Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.



Officer: You what?



Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see



The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs
away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes
5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly
approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.



Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.



Older woman: Is there a problem sir?



Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.



Older Woman: Murdered the owner?



Officer 2: Yes, could you please o pen the trunk of your car, please.



The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.



Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?



Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.



Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.



The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.



The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.



Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.



Older Woman:
Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.



Don't Mess
With Old Ladies

Thank you Caz!

> They're Back! Those Wonderful Church Bulletins!
> Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences
> actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in
> church services (Summer, 2007 Release).
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on Water." The sermon
> tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the
King.
----------------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid
of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your
husbands.
----------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled
due to a conflict.
----------------------------------------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone
who doesn't care much about you.
---------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
---------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
----------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
--------------------------------- -------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need
all the help they can get.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the
choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
---------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in
the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school
days.
---------------------------------------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church
hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What
Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
---------------------------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition
of several new members and to the deterioration of some older
ones.
---------------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
---------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the
deceased person you want remembered.
---------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.
-------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to
follow.
---------------------------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
----------------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park
across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to
sin.
---------------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
----------------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the
pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
---------------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in
the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is
invited to attend this tragedy.
----------------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing
campaign slogan Last Sunday: "I Upped my Pledge, Up yours!"

A primary School Teacher faced her new class after the Xmas Holidays and thought it a good idea to ask what they had for Xmas in order to break the ice as it were and settle them in. She asked a little girl what she had for Xmas. The little girl answered “Please Miss, I had a bow-wow.”
The Teacher was quite annoyed by the answer and in no uncertain terms explained to the class that Baby Talk was not to be tolerated now that they were in a big school and must answer accordingly.
She asked the little girl again and was given the reply “Please Miss, I had a puppy for Xmas.” That’s fine said the teacher. She next asked a little boy what he had for Xmas and he answered” A choo-choo,”
Again the Teacher remonstrated to the class and explained the virtue of vocabulary and the need to drop baby talk as they progressed through life. She asked the little boy again and he said ”An electric train set , Miss!”
Good she said and turned to another little boy and asked him what he had for Xmas. “A book” he replied. The teacher smiled and asked if he knew the name of the book. The little boys face grimaced in struggled thought and his little forehead was creased with anxiety. Eventually his face brightened and with a beaming smile answered “Winnie the sh*t” Miss.

EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY


After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.

'So, how is everything going?' enquired God.

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one
problem. It is these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They are a real pain,' reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc.......she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced,' as she put it.

'That is a fair point,' replied God, ' But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.' And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

'Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?'

'Just fantastic,' she replied, ' But for one oversight on your part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Now let's see............where did I put that useless tit?


Now doesn't T H A T make more sense than that crap about the rib?

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?' He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.' I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that . in case I need to fix it again?'

Harold grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'

'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down . I D 1 0 T

I used to like Harold.

5,000 men were asked to complete a survey on what THEY liked best about 'Oral Sex':
a.. 3% liked the warmth.
b.. 4% enjoyed the sensation.
c.. 93% appreciated the silence.

it's a good un.........PMSL

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke...... And well worth the wait !!!!


An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20 th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get Burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."


The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.


The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a Burrito, and jumped, too ..

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated Burritos so much."


(Oh this is GOOD!!)?


Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,


"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch"