General Chat

Hiya Hays Hun (very thought provoking thread btw) I was smacked as child.....smacked my own childers too...hubby wasnt and didnt smack ours either....our kids (both grown up now) have more respect now for him than me..(they say to smack is to lose control) On the other hand....working in a Nursery with 4 year olds...the children who do get a smack seemed to be better behaved than the ones whos carers stand there ages *reasoning* with their toddlers! So reckon what discipline is right for some children is not ok for others. (and also depends on age of child) XxX Update - Agree with your points there Gerry! x

As I said before on this thread last nite 'one person's smack is another's child abuse'. Surely the real question is what is the best way to discipline children for a) their own good so they do not injure themselves or others (ie dont put your hand in that fire Jonny) b) to learn the difference between right and wrong and c) to accept authority. Lets face it, as a society, we seem to have lost authority over a fair proportion of our children. And who is to blame? We are! Is smacking the answer? I dont know. Is it abuse? If done in a gentle way and NOT in anger I think it probably isnt. Was I smacked as a kid? Yes, and to be honest I probably deserved it. What sticks in my mind much more was being sent to my bedroom to 'think' about what I had done! THAT had a much more profound effect on me as I resented it greatly as a child! Gerry :-))

My dad smacked me once! and I deserved it! He never, ever smacked me again as the mere threat of it would stop me in my tracks. It worked with me, I was a polite child and respected my elders and I don't feel traumatised by it in anyway. I do however feel quite traumatised going to the shops near by at about 3.30 because all the children from a local school are by the shops causing havoc,being rude and disruptive. Swearing infront of and at adults, spitting as you pass them. So do I agree with smacking your children to disapline them. errr YES would be my answer.

Mum and dad use to smack us and Im glad they did it taught us respect and you knew when you had done something wrong. Dad hit us harder than mum, but one day mum hit my brother and I for fighting, she hit us so hard she left a hand print on us, after that she said she would never hit us again. We got smacked when we deserved it, I havent had any children cos I couldnt but yes I would of brought them up the same as I was. I adore my mum and dad and glad they taught us manners and respect.

I haven't read all the replies on this thread - only here for some dinner and then off back to work - but I read some with interest. I was smacked as a child if I 'asked for it', but to be honest I don't think I can actually remember any one occassion - so it left absolutely no scars for me. My Mum had me and my Brother and Sister who are 6 and 8 years older than myself, and she needed to have control over us and wanted us to be nice children and grow to be decent adults. We knew the line that wasn't to be crossed and had a healthy respect for our parents - if we didn't cross that line then all was well, if we did then we knew we would get punished. If anything I believe it did me good - I learnt about being responsible for your actions and not blaming others for your mistakes. I grew up to be polite and well mannered and generally pleasant to people. Most importantly of all there was a 'balance' - my Mum always was (and still is) a lovely, warm and caring person - she has always been there for me and always made time for me. I do not remember the occassions when she needed to smack me, but I do remember MANY happy occassions with her. I had a well balanced childhood where discipline was only used when necessary. Kaye x

A smack never did me any harm, and I was smacked practically every day by my father who was a teacher, I begrudged it most when I felt it to be unfair. I smacked my eldest son most, the second one only needed a raised hand and by the the third, I reckon the ground rules had been set and he behaved by example. They are all well mannered and parents themselves to well behaved children.

Mrs P you have started a ggod debate - and you thought about deleting!!! lol I think the world has gone PC mad and that is why it is full of Rapist's, murderers, muggers, the list is endless................. I'm not saying beat kids far from it but stricter boundries are needed when they are growing up- whether that be a smack, a look, grounding or whatever works with your child. The problem is that some kids are set no boundries and are left to their own devices and are running amock with no respect for anyone not even themselves.

i got a few smacks as kid and it didnt do me any harm. i have 2 boys under age 4 and they have had their hands slapped when they constantly go to things/do things they have been told not to do. the youngest (nearly 2) comes to you and tells you he had a bad baby if he has done something he knows he shouldnt have done. i dont think a slap does any harm (if it is needed). there is a difference between a slap on hand or leg occassionally for something bad and a regular daly beating. as for naughty stair it doesnt work and i wont send to bedroom as punishment cos i dont want them scared of their room so they wont go to bed at night.

a good hiding never harmed me it was my mum who smacked us not dad lol. we even had the blackboard rubber rubber thrown at us at school. theres no discipline today thats why the kids are like they are. susie

Blimey Len.....i was only talking a smack when you got out of line!!!!!!! LOL!!! No seriously....ta for your commentsxxxxAllxxxxxx

Hi Hays, Aileen has it right. Discipline is about stting boundaries and following through with threats. I remember smacking my boys when they were younger for pulling off big chunks of wall paper from 3 walls in their bedroom......it had only been decorated for 3 months and they threw the paper out of the window! Well, as I approached one his hands were protecting his backside saying 'no , mummy' - one wack each and I stomped down stairs....only to hear them giggling! That was when I knew a smack was not going to work. The little s*d* still remind me of that incident, look at each other and giggle. It's horses for courses, what works for one doesn't work for another. Tina x

I disagree with any sort of violence as a form of disapline... I grew up at the hands of a 'man' (Term used in loose sense) He thought that disapline was giving us a good smack, kick, punch...etc...Where dopes it stop? I grew up believing that it's ok to hit hit someone if you think they deserve it......And landed myself in a lot of trouble.. I have never once, nor ever will, raise my hand to my daughter, i have gained her respect by explaining to her why she cannot do things, and to be honest, i don't even have to raise my voice to her...(People who have met her on here will know how good she is...) Also, lol, i will *tut* at parents i see smacking their kids in public, i do recall *Tutting* very loudly at one mother who had just whacked her daughter (About 5 yrs) around the head, the woman looked up and said ''don't you dare tut at me, i'll knock your f**** face in'' - Lovely behaviour infront of her child?...and also to a young mum (ME) who was carrying an 8 week old baby........!!!!!!! I havn't read through this thread, but i'm sure some people on here still do 'smack' their kids...This is nothing personal against them, and i'm not saying they are bad parents...It is just my opinions based on my childhood, as a kid who was smacked... LOU XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I used to get a smack on the bottom or legs think I needed it I was a little terror and being shouted out wouldn't have got my attention. Didn't get smacked a lot may I add but what my Mum used to do was put her own hand on my bum and smack that the thought of being smacked soon made me behave and everyone thought she was disciplining me. Oh she had a cane used to threaten me with it ( she would NEVER had used it ) I used to to break it and then run off. Oh when I think back I did play her up. Like PP I smacked my own kids and once when my daughter came home form work and thanked me said she would have hated to be like the kids that she saw in the chemist she worked at the time. They say ground or stop pocket money but with my kids grounding well they didn't bother going out anyway loved there own little space int their rooms so that wouldn't have worked and pocket money well we coudln't afford to give it them anyway. No a quick smack a telling off then all forgot worked for my family. Though with my lad I did find if I told him to go away and not speak to him that worked. But what about the mental impact could that have been worse.? Of course some people abuse the situation but then if they didn't smack the are worse things. I think people that can say they have never smacked are very fortunate it isn't something that people want to do. But what is worse an child maimed or shunned by society not every family is the same. Germaine x

I have 4 things to say to this thread : 1. Bring back the cane. 2, Bring back the birch. 3. Bring back conscription. 4.. Bring back hanging. and the world would get back to nornal.

Well I was smacked and I smacked my two sons - mind you unless they stood still I used to miss my aim. Sorry I still say it never hurts to be slapped once in a while - my dad only slapped me 3 times in all my life - bless him he would have been 92 today - he died 30 years ago. Sorry gone off subject - so I say a good smack does not harm anyone - it is the ones who go round with guns shouting people and the ones who kick the living daylights out of people that do the harm. Just my opinion . and we are all entitled to that I think. Take care all and enjoy peace Love Mary xx

Denis I can tell you honestly I was never afraid of my mum, we are talking here about a small smack, not being beaten, there is a big difference. And no it didn't harm me at all, I have no marks or scars, physical or mental. I can't say the same for the teacher that used a cane on me for walking over a rugby pitch when I was 12 though. Jackie

I have to laugh at the number of people who say 'I was smacked and it didn't do me any harm'. Really? In my book anyone who has to smack a kid to make a point has got a big problem. Lack of respect for authority? Respect has to be earned, and you won't get it by hitting people. Fear, yes. Denis

I was smacked by my mum if I overstepped the mark and can honestly say I would have rathered that than her grounding me like I do to my kids when they have done something really bad. I have never resented her for it, in fact I can understand how hard we must have pushed her for her to have done it, as we were her world. My mum had to be mum and dad to my brothers and I after our dads young death and it must of been hard for her with a 10, 15 and 16 year old who were all rebelling in their own ways after their fathers death, on top of her own grief and having to hold down 3 jobs to make sure we had everything we needed. It didn't do us any harm in fact it made us realise how bad we had been for her to resort to it. Jackiexx

I come from a non-smacking family. My mother was never smacked and neither was I. My son has never been smacked either. That's not to say we were all spoilt brats. A frown from my Dad would get my immediate attention and my son learned that 'enough' meant exactly that. Gwynne

I smacked my boys, open hand on bum, one day I was in Asda and my middle son who was only 4 approx, was running round every time I reached for an item, I tried the putting him in the trolly seat, but he could scream for England, and the poor shoppers were cringing, so I fetched him out and told him to stay by the trolly, no off he ran, gets him back and says next time I will smack you don't run off, yes you've guessed it of he runs again, so I caught up with him kneeled down over one knee he goes, and smack, just then a woman walked up to me and started having a go at me, well red rag to a bull, I asked her how she would feel if she was elderly and knocked over by a brat running round, then I told her that if she didn't want some of the same get out of the way, I was not beating him, it was just a short sharp slap, so to answer your question unless it is too hard or prolonged (beating) then people should keep their noses out some of us have tried other methods, and although they may work on some children not on all. Bev