General Chat

Good Luck to both you, and Grannie Annie on your meetings tomorrow.....I am sure we will be thinking about you, please let us know the outcome.....x

Going back to the 70s now when my two were in comprehensive. The children who had special needs were taught by an ex teacher of a remand school. he was a lovely fellow, got on very well with the kids, he was also very big and stood no nonsense. We had some real tough lads at that school(I was a supervisor at lunch times), they had just brought under one roof about four different Forest of dean schools _only somebody who has knowledge of the parochial ways of the Forest will understand the problems (gang warfare/village warfare etc), we had knives, before there were knives! Kids were not excluded, they were sent to the special needs class and they stayed out of trouble afterwards. And, when I complained direct to this teacher when my son was bullied becaue he was considered a foreigner, (I had left by then), it was sorted out with no problem. We need some tough teachers, and teachers need to be protected from parents that winge (that is not directed at you Sharon, just a comment). Ann Glos

I do agree with what Elaine and Maz are saying, but I think it is a little unfair to critisise Sharon. My 8 year old grandson was excluded for an afternoon for supposedly starting a fight. He, too has anger management problems, but has not had any help yet, although daughter keeps asking. Some other children were taunting him (saying you love so and so etc) and he just flipped. Although he is no angel at home, my daughter can usually handle his outbursts and he doesn't resort to physical violence. I am not condoning his behaviour, nor that of Sharon's son, but I don't think exclusion is a punishment for naughty children nowadays. To some children it is a 'badge of honour'. I realise that with a class of 30 or more to control, it is difficult to cope with each individual child's needs, but sometimes I feel there is more than just a personality clash between some teachers and their pupils. Before anyone jumps down my throat, although I am not a qualified teacher, I have worked in several schools and playgroups (including special needs), was a childminder for well over 20 years and brought up 4 children of my own. A friend's 16 year old son has ADHD and has been excluded from school more than he has been there. He thinks it is a great laugh to be at home when his siblings are still at school. All the help programmes he has been offered have come to nothing - they all start well and then the helper leaves or the funding runs out etc. From the age of 15 the education authority gave up on him. My brother is a secondary school teacher and he is able to hold some one to one classes with several children who have been excluded for one reason or another. The trouble is the resources are not there in most schools to give these children the help they so desperately need. It's no good telling children that their records will be marked - at that age they don't worry about that. All they can see is an extra holiday from school. I wish I knew what the answer was. I know some children just can't settle with school routines, but unfortunately there is nothing to fall back on and no viable alternative for most of them. To be very controversial now....... In my opinion, this problem has certainly got worse since the abolition of physical punishment. Detentions and exclusions are no punishment for the majority of misbehaving children but I'm NOT advocating the return of the cane or slipper. If they are kept at home, once their parents have gone out to work and there is no-one to supervise them, they are free to do as they please.......and that's when the troubles really begin. It all comes down to lack of funding. Children are our future and we should be giving ALL of them all the help they need. Good luck with your meetings tomorrow Sharon and Annie. Sue xx

I'm sorry Sharon but I have to say I was shocked to read some of your comments. As Elaine has said, calling anyone (especially someone in authority, who he should have been taught to treat with respect) that sort of name is completely unacceptable in my opinion. The school has no option but to exclude him, otherwise they are giving their approval to this sort of behaviour and not impressing on your son that he has to take responsibility for his own actions. You said 'people think because we don`t have discipline at home that he cannot handle discipline in school.. BUT we don`t need a lot of discipline at home cos they are ok kids..they don`t have a time to be in at night but they have both been in for half an hour' - I think that children (of all ages) need to have boundaries set and be taught appropriate behaviour and respect for others. This doesn't mean physical discipline, but surely you have to correct them when they misbehave and make sure they know what is and isn't acceptable in society? They also need to be taught that working hard at school/homework should help them to get a good job in the future and the consequences for their lives if they don't try their best. In my opinion behaviour and social skills are taught first and most importantly at home and these traits (or lack of them) will follow that child throughout his or her life. I hope your son gets some help to get his behaviour and attitude back on track so that he can get full benefit from his education and avoid problems in later life. Maz. XX

If your son called his teacher a Whore, then he deserves to be excluded ! No way that is acceptable. I'm sure hes not the first, and not the last pupil to be denied a toilet break at the beginning of a lesson. In fact, in my sons school, he says during lesson times the most of toilets are locked, .and others only opened by student services. (hes year 7 ) They are told they must go during break or lunchtime. Obviously exceptions are made for illness & girls at that time of the month where waiting is not an option sometimes !. As for the question 'why must kids be excluded ? ' Its because they disrupt those kids who do behave in class. Already in Kyles class there are a handful of whot nots, who kyle says disrupts the class, distracts him from his work and makes the whole class incur punishment at times when the teacher does not see exactly who is causing the commotion. Once kyle came home upset as one of these kids sat next to him in French, kept on grabbing his pencil while the teachers back was turned. he threw it accross the floor, and Kyle was the one in trouble as he got up to retrieve it. My sympathy goes with the kids whose schooling is often ruined by kids who wont behave. Sorry Elaine x

Pmd you xxxxx

he called a teacher a whore, supposedly called his form tutor a nickname they have for her, and asked the teacher to go to the toilet at the beginning of lesson, the teacher either ignored him or didn`t hear so when he did get to ask the teacher said NO because he should have asked at the beginning of lesson!!, which made him need to use his time out card, but the teacher thought he was just using it to get out of lesson so stopped him from using it so he walked out of class anyway, people think because we don`t have discipline at home that he cannot handla discipline in school.. BUT we don`t need a lot of discipline at home cos they are ok kids..they don`t have a time to be in at night but they have both been in for half an hour...we just ask for a reasonable time and they are fine... sorry to waffle sharon

GOOD ...not perfect but its a start... My son had a traffic light thing he used green= ok Amber= getting angry RED= get out of here, thats when he showed his red card and left the room ....he would then go to the special needs unit to cool off......He thinks these things in his head ...no out loud for all to hear, so he wouldnt be bullied by classmates. Special needs is not bad ...just somewhere SAFE to go

hi grannie, mines 9.00 am and will be thinking of you at 6.00pm fingers crossed wednesday for both of us. sharon

Sharon,Will be thinking of you.I have my meeting with the board of govnors about my 11 year old grandson on wednesday but at 6.30pm. Annie

thanx all for your advice.. meeting with the board of gouvernors on wednesday morning..headmaster is going to recommend permanent exclusion!! luckily i`m getting help from on-track and she`s coming to the meeting with me so hopefully will get him in on a reduced timetable. he has always been a fiery bugger but was always well behaved at school until he`s gone to comp. the nurse from CAMHS thinks he`s ok, just has a spark which he needs to learn to control, she also wants a meeting with school to find out what help they have given him(which to me thinks they haven`t given him enough time) he`s only had 4 sessions with vicky(his on-track anger management mentor) and now she is off for the next 3 weeks. i think we may get him back in because of the lack of support and help he`s had but who know`s what the gouvernors will decide and the head seems to have made his mind up.. sharon

I am sorry but i have to say this.Why are so many children excluded from school?If i thought for one minute i could be thrown out of school if i was naughty i think my class would have been empty.We were naughty,but never ever sent home.I know its all changed now,but dont they realiaze that children now know this is going to happen.My grandaughter just 13 is assigned to her own policeman if she plays traunt. annie

Sharon, if he has changed recently it might be the beginning of adolescence ,all those moody teenage manners! If he has changed class/teacher or (as he is 12 ) maybe school, perhaps he is either struggling with the work or just plain bored with it! and playing up because it is more interesting. Pin down the school on whether he behaves well in some classes,what his work is like,whether he is being bullied etc. If all else fails, you do know it is legal for you to home educate?....it is not feasible for everyone but it works well for lots of people,myself included. PM me if you want any details on that. Rosex

Hello Sharon I really feel for you ,have had so many problems with my lad since he went to secondary school,he is now 15. We have gone down every route with him from private assements to anger management courses. Never got to permanent exclusion but been near so many times. Have a look here http://www(.)ace-ed(.)org(.)uk/advice/booklets/PermanentExclusion(.)html If you ever need to talk just email me. Kindest regards Maureen

12 years is an awful age for kids, they are not small anymore and going through puberty, some earlier than others, changes of school and friends, and more demands on schoolwork, homework etc..... I think sometimes all those hormones blow their minds and they can explode......he is kicking out, as you say for some reason.....someone has to sit him down quietly and ask him how he feels about everything..... If you can get him on neutral ground somewhere quiet and just listen to what he has to say without judging him.....I know it is hard, my daughter wasn't bad, just needed listening to......which I did not do at first, just went back at her.....wrong move on my part.....learned late.... good luck with him.....love him....

sorry to ask Sharon, but he's not playing with drugs, might account for the mood swings, have you had him tested for them. I know it's hard to believe, but kids are experementing earlier and earlier now days. I really hope everything turns out ok for you. Things have a way of working themselves out.

they gave him a time out card on monday...and chucked him out today ...seems harsh.... Yes ..if he needs help the school should help....you should see what happens on friday ..until then PLEASE chill My son did the same and hes 21 now and has a job and girlfriend and is GREAT.....School may be the last thing he needs at the mo.....

oh Sharon.....DONT be sorry we are here to support and have fun....

your school should tell you what to do next ...but contact the LEA and they will know whats next Is he trouble or just unhappy at school...dont mean to be rude

he is very bad tempered..a bit like a jekyll and hyde really..he is normally a lovely kind caring lad but if someone upsets him all hell breaks loose..he`s had a few sessions with a lady from on-track and we have an appointment with CAMHS on friday, he has a mentor in school and was given a time out card on monday, i just wonder if the school should give him time to get help?? sorry just feel a bit down at the mo sharon