General Chat

namelessone she put me down as NOK when she went to hospital.

It's a long story that went on 6 months, but I was the 'named person' for all services to contact, and co-ordinate with I suppose one would say. The care home was good and kept me up to date when I wasn't up there, on and off train strikes were a bit of a problem and booking hotels at busy times. But you do what you can don't you.

I think the Lasting Power of Attorney is the old one. The new one covers finance and also Health. These do not have to be the same people. For instance, a friend of mine is down on the Health POA for her other friend as she is the one who does everything. The son has the finance but lives abroad.
Noneof the other persons family do anything for her, other than leach off her. The POA has not been invoked yet as the other friend doesn't trust her son.

Who does your friend put down as next of kin when she goes into hospital? As they, at the moment, are the only people the hospital would talk to.

Hi Ann, I think the options would be POA to a solicitor, or to me.

I have looked it up a while back as relative had one in place long before needed. I know there's 2,. One is Lasting power if mental capacity goes, and there's an ordinary one which just covers someone to deal with financial affairs. I have thought about doing it myself, just get it in place.

I think I'll have to broach the subject, but it has been mentioned before ( not by me) when the difficulty of getting cash arose, but response was lukewarm to say the least.

She's always avoided any mention of mortality basically. I mentioned to her once that I had made a will when Dan turned 18 and she said didn't I feel I was "tempting fate".

Hard for you Rose. It seems she is classed as mentally capable. The problem will be if her mental state deteriorates and she doesn’t have POA in place. It is not something that she should leave as it takes a while to get into place. Who would she nominate though? You? Two POAs I think Health and I can’t remember but might be finance. Quite a responsibility but if it is not in place doctors etc could make decisions for her.

Thanks JustGinnie.

Such a shame when it is like that but only so much you can do if someone refuses help. I found once someone refuses help from social services they leave them to it . They are so overstretched in some areas they have no choice.

Best of luck .

Sheila, I have the name of the care home she was in between hospital and home, I visited there and it was fine. There is also one that was recommended by a local which is very luxurious and there is plenty of choice close by. The local Dr's isn't the best but to be fair issues with them may be partly on her side.

It may be worth checking with her doctor, surgeries sometimes have an 'elderly' specialist who can help in these circumstances. My late Mum's surgery were quite helpful in this respect, but it can be a bit hit and miss. Always worth contacting some of her local residential homes in case of 'emergency'. My Mum had some respite care after a hip replacement so we had a number of places that we'd reviewed when she finally had to go into care.

lol namelessone I am definitely not young, and feeling older by the second as I've just mis-judged distance and scraped my thumb, as if it wasn't hurting enough already.

I will try and talk to her soon, stressing the advocate angle of a POA, thanks for that, she may just agree.

A difficult situation. Not a lot you can do from a distance and you are probably not young yourself ;-)

Have you tried to persuade her to get a power of attorney.? You should explain that this wouldn’t give anyone the permission to force her into a care home. It would give her an advocate to argue for what she wants.

Even if she had family it doesn’t mean they would be of any help.

Hi Sheila, no family at all, no power of attorney.She owns her house.

I am the closest she has, in that I have known her all my life as she was my late mum's friend since the 50s. I didn't know but she was my godmother also. She did list me as NOK when she was in hospital, though I'm not related, just for someone to be the contact, not that the hospital was any good at doing so as they discharged her to a care home and I had to chase round to find where she was.

I didn't find social services to be terribly helpful, as soon as she was off their hands and home they bowed out and it is really only Age Uk volunteer shopper and the private care co that have any contact with her. She is self funded as far as the carers go, at least till her savings go below a certain level

I can empathise...

Does the friend have any family members, also has she set up a power of attorney? Does she own the house outright?

I'm not sure who intervenes if she has no family or next of kin.

you may wish I hadn't!

It's one of those unanswerable questions, "what would you do if..."

Last year a family friend was taken into hospital and I travelled ( 2 hours each way ) back and forth to the house to meet an occupational therapist etc to see what needed to be done so friend could go home. Found that the place was in need of pest control and deep cleaning etc, so got that done while friend was in care home for some months after hospital. Carers all in place ( ish) too hurriedly to get everything sorted but friend's decision as she was assessed to have "mental capacity".

A year on, am told by a mutual acquaintance, that the situation is pretty dire, Friend is adamant she will not go into care, but is not getting adequate care, that may be her own doing if she's refusing to be looked after? Late 80's bed bound, in a house that's falling apart from lack of maintenance ( ongoing).

Worried but not sure what if anything I can do. I am of little practical use if I go there ( arthritis worsening etc). Really just putting this so I can think lol.