General Chat

All that matters to me is whether a child is wanted and loved and well cared for as plenty miss out on at least one of those things. Some young parents die or have health problems that become a burden on a child who then becomes their carer. This man has likely made provision for his own care if needed. Yes there will be much to explain to the young boy but I expect he will grow up with more tolerance and understanding.

My grandmother was aged 50 when she had my mother naturally and she was the youngest of her 10 children. As for siblings, my mother's eldest siblings were already married with families of their own to care for and had moved away from the area before she was born. I'm not sure she even met most of them.

'Am I wrong to think the way I do or is it acceptable that if you have the money, you can buy anything you want?'

People who are well off also buy a baby when they pay for IVF don't they?

I'm not judging any views here, just trying to see a bigger picture and every circumstance is different..

That was lovely for them ZZzzz...Not much time to shop then! That happens sometimes.

Florence in the hebrides

On similar lines, a couple I worked with in the 70s were resigned to not having children then when she was in her late 40s thought she was going through the change was actually pregnant and had 2 weeks to buy everything for the baby, they were shocked and pleased.

Ann there was a woman a few years ago whos actual children were all grown up and in their 30's if i recall. She was divorced and on her own and lonely. She was I think 60 ish? and so she went abroad to have IVF and have a child. She is now in her 80s and the child late teens/early 20's. She said she had plenty of money and if anything happens to her she will be well provided for and her grown up children can take care of her!

I remember thinking then, how selfish of you. You have had your family and are biologically now too old, it shouldn't be allowed but once again she had the finances to do it.Why on earth didn't she throw her spare time in doing charity work or find a hobby. Having a child late in life shouldnt be done to fill a gap of loneliness.

I don't know if the man still works, maybe as a lawyer he can from home and then maybe pays for a childminder if hes out for the day say in court? I dont know the article didn't say.

If he had decided when he was younger, it would have been better I guess.

IVF in this country has an age limit for good reasons.

Im not judging him as a man, single or gay but the age is the problem. if say, he dies suddenly at 60, that child doesn't have a mum, aunty or uncle to turn to but a cousin in the USA. He has put himself in this position whereas in a coupled situation, if a parent dies suddenly there would be the other one to look after the child.

For the child's sake, i hope the man lives a long age and the child enjoys a good life.

Florence in the hebrides

Florence you ask if you are wrong. I think maybe you would be wrong if you were criticizing him being a single parent of 54 as a man. Would you feel the same about a woman single parent . Would you think a woman of 65 was more able to raise a teenager than a man. I am not saying if I think he was right or wrong I am just trying to get a balance of opinion. Probably it is a pity that he didn't take action when he was younger but maybe the answer was not available to him then.

I can see your reasoning and it does feel like buying a baby but he is not the only one to have done it, male and female. I just wonder if he thought it through, babies, toddlers and teenagers are hard work. But it just shows that the urge to reproduce is or can be as strong in a male as a female. I hope that he continues to have good health and can give the boy a good life, hopefully he continues to be well off. I wonder if he has given up work though?

I came across this story earlier today and wondered what opinions others might have.
A single gay man decided in his 30's he wanted to become a father but as time went on the relationships he had with other gay men ended as none wanted to have children with him.

As he couldn't find any willing partner to have children with, he went to America and found a woman to donate an egg. . After a second round of IVF which was successful, a surrogate woman agreed to have the fertilised egg implanted and carry his child.

The eggs were screened for abnormalities and he chose to have a boy. All went well and the baby boy was born on Boxing Day in 2019. The man travelled to America the day after and brought his son home to his house on the Sussex coast.

He paid 10k to the woman who donated the egg and 40k to the surrogate. Both woman had their own families and he was sure they wouldn't change their minds.

He is in touch with them both sending regular photos etc and when the child is old enough to understand, he will tell his son who the special ladies are. He says there is an "egg mummy" and a "tummy mummy."

In order to fulfil his dream of becoming a father, he had to sell his london home to finance it although as a lawyer he had a good job but the total cost was 200k!

When the child turned 2 he admitted he struggled to cope with the tantrums and the word no. The son was calling him mummy! he corrected him to say daddy but one has to wonder how this will pan out as he gets older. He admitted that he found it very isolating during lockdown and struggled to cope.

Now I am not against anyone who can't conceive naturally having IVF treatment as for many, this is an amazing treatment for infertile couples etc But I can't help feeling that he has been completely selfish giving his age. When the child is 11, he will be 65. Does he seriously think he will have the patience and energy at 67 to raise a teenager??

He apparently rewrote his will to say if anything happens to him, a cousin in the USA has been given guardianship until the child is 18.

I just think its all wrong. It's like he wanted a baby, he could afford it, so he bought one.There are many women who are single parents but for most they didn't choose to be single because maybe their relationship broke down and that is different.

What a complicated life this little boy has and I cant help but worry for his future.
Also he has no female relations in his life either, no aunties etc

Am I wrong to think the way I do or is it acceptable that if you have the money, you can buy anything you want?

Florence in the hebrides