General Chat

Well, the time of years is almost upon us when we eat too much, spend too much and drink too...no you can never drink too much :-D

It is also the time of year when traditions are followed and in accordance with that time honoured custom I once again post:

Christmas Day in the Workhouse

Anon.

It was Christmas Day in the workhouse
The merriest day of the year
The paupers and the prisoners
Were all assembled there.

In came the Christmas pudding
When a voice that shattered glass
Said, “We don’t want your Christmas pudding
So stick it there with the rest of the unwanted presents.”

The workhouse master then arose
And prepared to carve the duck
He said “Who wants the parson’s nose
And the prisoners shouted “You have it yourself, sir.”

The vicar brought his Bible
And read out little bits.
Said one old crone at the back of the hall
“This man gets on very well with everybody.”

The workhouse mistress then began
To hand out Christmas parcels.
The paupers tore the wrappers off
And began to wipe their eyes, which were full of tears.

The master rose to make a speech
But just before he started
The mistress, who was fifteen stone,
Gave three loud cheers and nearly choked herself.

And all the paupers then began
To pull their Christmas crackers.
One pauper held his too low down
And blew off both his paper hat and the man’s next to him.

A steaming bowl of white bread sauce
Was handed round to some.
An aged gourmet then called aloud
“This bread sauce tastes like it was made by a continental chef.”

Mince pie with custard sauce was next
And each received a bit.
One pauper said “The mince pie’s nice
But the custard tastes like the bread sauce we had in the last verse!”

The mistress dishing out the food
Dropped custard down her front.
She cried “Aren’t I a silly girl!”
And they answered “You’re a
perfect picture as always ma’am !”

“This pudding “, said the master,
“Is solid, hard and thick.
How am I going to cut it?”
And a man cried, “Use your penknife sir, the one with the pearl handle.”

The mistress asked the vicar
To entertain his flock.
He said, “What would you like to see ?”
And they cried, “Let’s see your conjuring tricks, they’re always worth watching.”

“Your reverence, may I be excused ?”
Said one benign old chap.
“I don’t like any conjuring tricks.
I’d sooner have a carol or two around the fire”

So then they all began to sing
Which shook the workhouse walls.
“Merry Christmas!” cried the master,
And the inmates shouted “Best of luck to you as well sir!”


Greetings to all from the Humbug :-D

:-D :-D :-D Merry Xmas to you and yours Bah Humbug

Thanks, LG, and I also wish you and yours all the very best :-D :-D

Thank you and keep cheering us up with your jokes :-D :-D :-D

:-D :-D :-D

:-D :-D :-D

The oldies are the goodies....

It can't be nearly Christmas Allan the baubles aren't on here yet lol

Oliver Cromwell must be running the joint ;-) :-D

Ah, but Allan, his influence over non-celebratory Xmases was short-lived, thank goodness.

Merry Christmas to everyone. <3 :-D

Oh how i wish I could enjoy some humbug.

My cholestral text was cancelled and moved to next week. So no practising eating and drinking for Christmas yet.

(In one old job we always started practising the drinking around September :-D)

I’m dreaming of a White Christmas but if the white gets finished I’m sure the red will be just as enjoyable :-D

Merry Christmas Allan