General Chat

Of course I will never reveal the full details but it is utterly heartbreaking to see a young child effectively turn their parent in by telling social services everything. The child then aged 8 walked to school themselves because mummy was “asleep” on the kitchen table. The child turned their mother in because the kinship carer gave them dinner every night, clean clothes every day and help with their homework. Things that my brownies like children should take for granted. What world is it when this is what children want most and will turn their parents in for it?

Sorry Tawny, I don't understand this. What is a kinship carer? Did they persuade the child to talk to Social Services?

It depends on why the mother is sleeping - is she ill, exhausted, on drugs/alcohol! Was the child not being fed, well clothed etc etc?

Lizx

I took kinship carer to mean a relative, such as a grandmother or aunt for example. Am I wrong?

That's what I thought too Joy.

I agree it is utterly devastating but I'm also sure that at the time it was the best thing for the child and hopefully the mother got the help she needed too.

Some children have very difficult lives and they deserve better.

Kath. x

When social services determines a child needs to be removed from the family home they will usually try and place them with a foster family. Sometimes it may be that someone from the wider family aunt, uncle, grandparent and in this case mother’s aunt may be willing and able to take the child/children in and they are known as kinship carers.

In the case I mentioned above the mother was beginning to get some access to the children again who were aged 8 and 4 at the time and was allowed them overnight on the understanding that they were in school/nursery or back to the aunt’s house by lunchtime. Up to this point the older child had defended their mother to the hilt. The child realised that day though that she loved the stability of living with her aunt that she didn’t want to go back to her mum. Mum’s life was still chaotic involving substance abuse and lots of boyfriends.

I met the older child yesterday and now she’s an adult with a loving partner and children of her own. They got to remain with their aunt but sadly for their mum her problems continued to consume her and she died a couple of years later.

She gave me permission to tell her story and said she was so glad people listened to that 8 year old when she said she didn’t want to go back to her mum because it gave a stable upbringing with dinner every night, clean clothes for school and help with homework when needed. That’s what she wants all children to have as a given in their lives not a luxury.

As we thought, Kath - the use of 'kin' was the giveaway for me, as I expect it was for you.

I read it properly so I must be wide awake this morning as I did not even have to resort to asking the senior social worker in my family who, when pregnant, was switched to handling under-two cases which she detested.

Tawny, some people have to make decisions that not all will be happy with but the wellbeing of the child is always paramount.

I know all the ins and outs of the case and removing the children was entirely the right decision. I know they also had to give mum another chance it’s just sad that addictions caused mum to fail.

Tawney it must have been so good to know that she now as an adult has a good life and that she was happy with the aunt. I read but didn’t respond but realised what a kinship career was although, even having been foster parents I had not come across the term. Do you know what happened to the youngest child?

The younger child still lives with the aunt. He has a job and a girlfriend who has also now moved in the aunt as they have their first baby on the way. Girlfriends upbringing was also a little chaotic though she remained in the family home. Aunt is determined to help them raise the next generation so they are raised with a better start in life than their parents had.

Good for the aunt, Tawny. She sounds as though she's a strong character.

I wish more children had back-up to be able to ask for help as this child did. there is nothing wrong with being removed from toxic parents and for some, family and prison are broadly similar places.

I am glad things worked so well for the children but sad their Mum didn't make it.

I was confused because I felt you were upset with the child for reporting the mother, Tawny.

We had children next door to us when I was young, who used to be left alone. Mum would hear them crying and bring them to our house and feed them porridge etc and get warm, then she would take them back to theirs to sleep with full tummies.

One still keeps in touch with me now and used to visit my Mum when she was still alive.

Lizx

I would never be upset with a child for reporting a poor excuse for a parent. What upset me most was knowing everything these poor children had to go through before they were removed.

That little girl finally experienced what a lot of children take for granted a secure and loving environment. It is sad that she had to experience that chaotic environment that her mother provided a second time to realise what she wanted.