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Nonsense

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

nameslessone

nameslessone Report 19 Apr 2020 11:10

Thanks Rollo, I'd forgotten that one.



Now, if the night draws in, what colours does it use in the colouring book - black and midnight blue?

RolloTheRed

RolloTheRed Report 19 Apr 2020 11:04


"The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright —
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done —
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun."

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead —
There were no birds to fly.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
If this were only cleared away,'
They said, it would be grand!'

If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year,
Do you suppose,' the Walrus said,
That they could get it clear?'
I doubt it,' said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.

O Oysters, come and walk with us!'
The Walrus did beseech.
A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each.'

The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head —
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.

But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat —
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more —
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

The time has come,' the Walrus said,
To talk of many things:
Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax —
Of cabbages — and kings —
And why the sea is boiling hot —
And whether pigs have wings.'

But wait a bit,' the Oysters cried,
Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!'
No hurry!' said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.

A loaf of bread,' the Walrus said,
Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed —
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed.'

But not on us!' the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!'
The night is fine,' the Walrus said.
Do you admire the view?

It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!'
The Carpenter said nothing but
Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf —
I've had to ask you twice!'

It seems a shame,' the Walrus said,
To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!'
The Carpenter said nothing but
The butter's spread too thick!'

I weep for you,' the Walrus said:
I deeply sympathize.'
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

O Oysters,' said the Carpenter,
You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none —
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one."

"You are old, Father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head—
Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door—
Pray, what is the reason of that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment—one shilling the box—
Allow me to sell you a couple."

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak—
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose—
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father; "don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!"

Lewis Carroll

nameslessone

nameslessone Report 18 Apr 2020 15:41

My mother only had one daughter yet she was often quoting this ( can’t think why)

There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead. And when she was good she was very, very, good but when she was bad she was horrid.

I’ve always had very straight hair so it was never about me :-D

Von

Von Report 18 Apr 2020 15:33

Liked the drawings on this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_7jHCEMxZY

PatinCyprus

PatinCyprus Report 18 Apr 2020 15:27

A little Hilaire Belloc from my childhood reading

Matilda

Who told Lies, and was Burned to Death
Matilda told such Dreadful Lies,
It made one Gasp and Stretch one's Eyes;
Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth,
Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth,
Attempted to Believe Matilda:
The effort very nearly killed her,
And would have done so, had not She
Discovered this Infirmity.

For once, towards the Close of Day,
Matilda, growing tired of play,
And finding she was left alone,
Went tiptoe to the Telephone
And summoned the Immediate Aid
Of London's Noble Fire-Brigade.

Within an hour the Gallant Band
Were pouring in on every hand,
From Putney, Hackney Downs, and Bow.
With Courage high and Hearts a-glow,
They galloped, roaring through the Town,

"Matilda's House is Burning Down!"

Inspired by British Cheers and Loud
Proceeding from the Frenzied Crowd,
They ran their ladders through a score
Of windows on the Ball Room Floor;
And took Peculiar Pains to Souse
The Pictures up and down the House,
Until Matilda's Aunt succeeded
In showing them they were not needed;
And even then she had to pay
To get the Men to go away!
It happened that a few Weeks later

Her Aunt was off to the Theatre
To see that Interesting Play
The Second Mrs. Tanqueray.
She had refused to take her Niece
To hear this Entertaining Piece:
A Deprivation Just and Wise
To Punish her for Telling Lies.

That Night a Fire did break out—
You should have heard Matilda Shout!
You should have heard her Scream and Bawl,
And throw the window up and call
To People passing in the Street—
(The rapidly increasing Heat
Encouraging her to obtain
Their confidence)—but all in vain!
For every time she shouted "Fire!"
They only answered "Little Liar!"
And therefore when her Aunt returned,
Matilda, and the House, were Burned.

Sharron

Sharron Report 18 Apr 2020 15:27

Another bit of Spike.

Fred, Fred Fannackapan walks around the town.
Sometimes with his trousers up and sometimes with them down
And when they were up they were up, and when they were down he was arrested!

Von

Von Report 18 Apr 2020 15:25

For Island
The owl and the Pussy cat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGplR47Pulw

The animal fair
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbcKvW-mjfA

the Quangle Wangle's hat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljEs5FaQ734

Island

Island Report 18 Apr 2020 15:10

Yes nameslessone, I do know 'when you're smiling'

Also, Charlie Chaplins 'Smile' has a special meaning.

Gwyn in Kent

Gwyn in Kent Report 18 Apr 2020 14:54

Not sure whether you would class this as nonsense.............

https://www.cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk/alphabet/

Hilary

Hilary Report 18 Apr 2020 14:45

Love a bit of nonsense :-D

Mersey

Mersey Report 18 Apr 2020 14:03

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D what a lovely ickle thread <3

Jacqueline

Jacqueline Report 18 Apr 2020 13:37

Many thanks for The Owl and the Pussy Cat.

nameslessone

nameslessone Report 18 Apr 2020 13:28

Island
I won't post all the lyrics but do you remember this:

When you're smilin'....keep on smilin'
The whole world smiles with you
And when you're laughin'....keep on laughin'
The sun comes shinin' through

But when you're cryin'.... you bring on the rain
So stop your frownin'....be happy again...…...

Island

Island Report 18 Apr 2020 13:05

They were lying :-|

nameslessone

nameslessone Report 18 Apr 2020 12:22

Who said that?

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. (Supposedly ;-) )

Island

Island Report 18 Apr 2020 12:15

Thank you but sadly I struggle to read lengthy posts due to double vision.
One liners are no longer allowed apparently :-(

I appreciate the sentiment though.

nameslessone

nameslessone Report 18 Apr 2020 12:09

I decided 'Smile' by Spike Milligan was inappropriate so here is another gem by Spike;

Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I’ll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?

2B or not 2B?

LaGooner

LaGooner Report 18 Apr 2020 12:08

:-D :-D :-D :-D what a cheerful thread, it has bought back happy memories and given me a smile. Thank you <3

MotownGal

MotownGal Report 18 Apr 2020 11:53

THE ANIMAL FAIR

We went to the animal fair,
The birds and the beasts were there,
The big baboon by the light of the moon
Was combing his golden hair.
The monkey fell out of his bunk,
And slid down the elephant's trunk,
The elephant sneezed - Achoo!
And fell on her knees,
And what became of the monkey,
Monkey, monkey, monkey

PatinCyprus

PatinCyprus Report 18 Apr 2020 11:06

and don't forget the Quqngle Wangle

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat.
For his Hat was a hundred and two feet wide,
With ribbons and bibbons on every side
And bells, and buttons, and loops, and lace,
So that nobody every could see the face
Of the Quangle Wangle Quee.II.

The Quangle Wangle said
To himself on the Crumpetty Tree, --
"Jam; and jelly; and bread;
"Are the best of food for me!
"But the longer I live on this Crumpetty Tree
"The plainer than ever it seems to me
"That very few people come this way
"And that life on the whole is far from gay!"
Said the Quangle Wangle Quee.III.

But there came to the Crumpetty Tree,
Mr. and Mrs. Canary;
And they said, -- "Did every you see
"Any spot so charmingly airy?
"May we build a nest on your lovely Hat?
"Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that!
"O please let us come and build a nest
"Of whatever material suits you best,
"Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee!"IV.

And besides, to the Crumpetty Tree
Came the Stork, the Duck, and the Owl;
The Snail, and the Bumble-Bee,
The Frog, and the Fimble Fowl;
(The Fimble Fowl, with a corkscrew leg;)
And all of them said, -- "We humbly beg,
"We may build out homes on your lovely Hat, --
"Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that!
"Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee!"V.

And the Golden Grouse came there,
And the Pobble who has no toes, --
And the small Olympian bear, --
And the Dong with a luminous nose.
And the Blue Baboon, who played the Flute, --
And the Orient Calf from the Land of Tute, --
And the Attery Squash, and the Bisky Bat, --
All came and built on the lovely Hat
Of the Quangle Wangle Quee.VI.

And the Quangle Wangle said
To himself on the Crumpetty Tree, --
"When all these creatures move
"What a wonderful noise there'll be!"
And at night by the light of the Mulberry moon
They danced to the Flute of the Blue Baboon,
On the broad green leaves of the Crumpetty Tree,
And all were as happy as happy could be,
With the Quangle Wangle Quee.