General Chat

I think it would be really nice if people on here answered when you message them, I answer all messages even if we do not have a match......just saying, I think it's the polite thing to do.
:-|

Have they actually opened the messages Ron? If so and they don't answer yes that's just plain rude.

I agree with Ron. I have quite a few people who have opened my messages but have not replied. More than half of them ,I know to be relatives.
Is it that they do not want to know any further than what they have researched.
Their loss not mine.

On Tuesday did get Brilliant response to a question on find Ancesters they helped me a lot .don't give up :-)

Check whether the message has been opened? GR never delete accounts they just become 'free' accounts which the tree owner may not ever access again.

It may be that the message has been opened, but that it is one of many hundreds they receive if they have a common name or alternatively if they help a lot on the boards.

It's not unusual for me to get a message re something I looked for 5 years ago, with just the response "is this the same mary Smith as this one" or similarly vague question. I just about remember what I did yesterday let alone years ago ;-)
I always do answer, but if someone just sends the standard message, "open your tree" and then won't say where they think the match is, then that is it!

Early on I was bombarded with increasingly unpleasant ( really crude) messages from someone who insisted he had lots of info on my family, but wouldn't say who was the match. Because I then only had a small tree on here I worked out that he had one person of the same name in Aus' as I had in UK, totally different people and all he had to do was give some detail himself and I could have put him right!

Not everyone who pays to be here is interested in sharing info. I agree it's polite to reply...but some people have busier lives than others and more pressing demands on their time.

Yes I think it rude that some don’t answer messages, my Mum is illegitimate so people don’t know of her existence also on Dads side one relliie born illegitimately but known by his stepfathers name however when he married he used his birth surname.
So what I’m saying is that there may be a connection but that they are unaware of it.
Never give up, as a result of my persistence and sending for certificates etc I have filled gaps for those that are related to me.

I HAVE messaged someone on here she has read it but no reply live & learn :-)

I have not replied to messages .............. like Rose. Thye were "Open no tree" or a reference to something I looked for years ago.

In the first case, no way Jose.

In the second, IF I remember doing it, I will reply "Sorry I am just a helper". If I can't remember, and I know there is absolutely no connection to my families, then I often plain ignore it.

The usual reasons if the envelope has been opened is one of the above, or the person no longer has any interest in the subject, or realises there is no connection .......... in the latter case, then they should at least send a "Sorry".

Or they may be busy at that moment, think they will reply later, then plain forget ........ we're all getting older!

If the envelope has not been opened, then the fact that GR never deletes anyone's tree even if it has been inactive for years comes into play ....... only the tree owner or someone who knows the site name used and the password can do that. GR started back around 2002, so there will be many trees on here that belong to people who ....

have died,

become incapacitated,

lost interest,

or changed their home email address that is on file with GR so your pm is floating around in the atmosphere.


The latter case is an example of how people do change their email addresses, some very frequently, and do not notify others.

That's a lesson to those who do that to remember to tell EVERY site or person on any of their lists that they now have a new email address.


I've noticed that for some reason people in Britain are far more likely to change email addresses. I have no idea why .......... we have some friends who have a different address almost every year!

My non answerers are the same as ZZzzzs, as there is illegitimacy involved.
This married couple had 9 children and the mother abandoned them for someone else.She then went on to have 4 more children to her new lover and her ex went on to have 5 more children to his new lover. So 9 children have 9 half siblings 5 have 9 half siblings and 4 have 9 half siblings that they do not know about.
THE ORIGIONAL 9 WENT into Barnardos.I think I am the Only living person that has all the details.
SHOULD I CARRY ON TRYING TO CONTACT THEM?????

At the moment I am struggling with fatigue and stress so I have several kind messages that I haven't responded to, for which I apologise sincerely.

I sleep for hours at a time, and wake to my oh in all kinds of moods that I have to cope with. His son is on his now annual visit from America, stirring up emotions in my partner. His American wife is now 6 months pregnant with a baby boy so is left coping with their two girls while he jaunts round boasting about his life in the States. He goes back on Friday and then my partner will go into depression and I will have to cope with hearing how wonderful the son is! Unless of course they have another argument as happened last year!I

O.h. Is having hearing problems too, so along with his memory problems communication is difficult.

The house is in more chaos than ever because he will get bundles of paperwork "to sort out" and then get confused and side tracked so goes to do something else! He moves my things and breaks stuff and we have no teaspoons and fewer knives etc - no idea where they go!

I quickly read my private messages and intend to go back to reply but get sidetracked myself.

So again, my apologies. I do appreciate the kind thoughts.

Lizxx

If I send a message that is opened but not replied to, I leave it a week or so then send a gentle reminder message.

Sometimes I open a message when I'm away, so I reply that I will look when I get home. And try to remember to do so.