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Bad childhood jokes

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Dermot

Dermot Report 1 Sep 2019 07:19

What's the difference between a businessman & a warm dog?

The businessman wears a suit, the dog just pants.

Allan

Allan Report 31 Aug 2019 22:11

Very strange, I’ve just opened a tin of evaporated milk and it’s still there.

Dermot

Dermot Report 31 Aug 2019 07:02

I used stripy toothpaste this morning. Now I've got striped teeth.

Allan

Allan Report 30 Aug 2019 21:51

Just accidentally paid for my shopping with my donor card; it’s cost me an arm and leg

Dermot

Dermot Report 29 Aug 2019 06:37

Why are there fences around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in.

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 28 Aug 2019 23:34

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall....


then sued the the council under health and safety

Allan

Allan Report 28 Aug 2019 21:38

I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall and thought to myself "that’s a little condescending “.

Dermot

Dermot Report 28 Aug 2019 15:11

The escaped convict sawed the legs off his bed because he wanted to lie low.

Tawny

Tawny Report 28 Aug 2019 13:38

What did the police man say to his arms?



Your under a vest

Dermot

Dermot Report 28 Aug 2019 11:43

A vulture boards a Ryanair plane carrying two dead racoons.

The Stewardess looked at him & says: "I'm sorry. Only one carrion per passenger".

Allan

Allan Report 22 Aug 2019 21:37

Looking back I remember all the fun we had when our dad would put us in a tyre and roll us down a hill .


Those were the Goodyears.




Caroline

Caroline Report 22 Aug 2019 21:31

Why didn't the cookie go to school?



because she felt crummy

Caroline

Caroline Report 22 Aug 2019 04:15

:-D :-D :-D

Allan

Allan Report 21 Aug 2019 21:49

OH asked could she have a bit of piece and quiet while she cooked dinner , so I took the battery out of the smoke alarm.

Dermot

Dermot Report 9 Jul 2019 13:53

"We've got a new toaster", said the little boy to his friend. "It's really clever. When the toast is done, a bell rings".

"Ours is better", says the friend. "When the toast's done, it sends out smoke signals".

LaGooner

LaGooner Report 9 Jul 2019 13:21

What do you call a sleepwalking nun

A roaming catholic :-D :-D

Tawny

Tawny Report 9 Jul 2019 08:16

What goes 99 plonk?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

Dermot

Dermot Report 5 Jul 2019 06:35

When did the future begin?  :-S

Allan

Allan Report 4 Jul 2019 22:07

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band but left after I got bored.

It was just one ting after another

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 1 Jul 2019 20:13

another Rabbi praying a the wailing wall was asked by a naive tourist what he was doing,

praying for peace, in the middle east he says.

"And hows it going?"

Just like banging your head against a brick wall he replied!