General Chat

What do you get when you cross a bee with a bell?

A humdinger

Unashamedly stolen from another site...(but edited for the squeamish....)
A Husband and Wife who worked for the Circus went to an adoption agency.
The social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.??
The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot Motor Home, which was clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful Nursery.
The social workers then raised concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.
"We've arranged for a full-time Tutor will teach the Child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and Computer Skills".
Then the social workers expressed concern about a Child being raised in a Circus environment.??
"Our Nanny will be a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."
The social workers were finally satisfied.
They asked,
"What age child are you hoping to Adopt"..??
"It doesn't really matter.. As long as the little beggar fits in the Cannon"..

Daddy comes home with a big bag of sweets & says to his children: "I'm going to give these to the person who never answers Mummy back & always does what she wants. Now who's going to get them?"

The youngsters reply: "You are".

How does Batman Mum call him in for dinner?


Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman....

The postman delivered a very large, and very delicate piece of equipment for a project that I'm working on.

The equipment was wrapped in yards and yards of bubble wrap.

The postman kindly offered to help me unwrap it and when we finished he asked me what to do with the bubble wrap.

I tod him to pop it in the garage.

He was still there three days later.

To the person who took my diary, my thoughts are with you

Teacher to young pupil: "How old is your father?"

Pupil: "He is 6 years old".

Teacher: "What? That's impossible".

Pupil: "He only became a father when I was born 6 years ago".

Men often name their children after themselves. Women don't.

Have you ever met a Sally junior?

To the person who stole my antidepressants, I hope you're happy now

Research has shown that cows produce more milk when the farmers talk to them.

It's a case of straight in one ear and out of the udder

What do you call a man under a car?

Jack


What do you call a woman playing snooker whilst balancing a pint on her head?

Beertrix Potter

I once had to work as a waiter at a local restaurant

The wages weren't great but at least I was able to put food on the table

Insanity is hereditary. You can easily get it from your children.

My wife is leaving me due to what she’s says is my obsession with graffiti.

To be fair, the writing has been on the wall for sometime

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'Shutttup'.

The Seminar for Psychic Enthusiasts has been cancelled,



due to unforeseen circumstances......

no one remembered to book the room.....

If heights frighten you, then Base jumping is not a good idea!

What did the grape say when it was stepped on.

Nothing it just gave a little w(h)ine

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A doyouthinkhesawus rex

Jokes about sugar are rare, but jokes about brown sugar demerera