General Chat

My best friend never married but he had a few near Mrs

Children brighten up the home They never turn the lights off.

My Doctor has just prescribed some gloating cream for me.

I can't wait to rub it in

How do you start a milk pudding race?


Sago

Why do polar bears have fur coats?

Because they would look silly in anoraks.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?


A stick

If I want to hear the patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on the cat.

Before my surgery the anethestist asked me whether I wanted to be knocked out with gas or by being hit with a boat paddle.

It was an ether / oar question.

Ballet dancers are always dancing round on their toes.

Why don't they hire taller dancers?

My son is now at a age where he is curious about the human body, so I guess I’ll have to move it out of the house and bury it.

My dad heard that most accidents happen within two miles of home.

So he wants to move.

I’ve just bumped into the man who sold me an antique globe . It’s a small world!

A group of youngsters were having lunch at an open-air restaurant when it started raining really heavily.

It took them two hours to finish their soup.

Does any one remember my joke about my spine? I think it was about a weak back

An inflatable boy goes to his inflatable school and the first lesson of the day is taught by his inflatable headmaster. At break time the inflatable boy takes a drawing pin and starts sticking it in to everything. The inflatable headmaster comes over to speak to the inflatable boy “I’m very disappointed in you boy. You let yourself down, you let me down in-fact you let the whole school down”.

One One was racehorse Two Two was one too. When One One won one race Two Two won one too.

If a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?

The person who invented Velcro died yesterday. RIP

A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir ".

Teacher to pupil: "You missed school yesterday, didn't you?

Pupil: "Yes, but not very much!