General Chat

that awful Tea Party held in America a while back.

Custard cream. OH went to put the kettle on then opened the cupboard ,"damn" she said we've run out of tea, Allan would you mind going to the store and get some,
Allan quickly said I can't go I'm barred from there because of...

But where to hide them.......light bulb moment
No one ever looks in the most obvious place do they.....so Allan hid them in the biscuit barrel......yeah I know just why that would be the most obvious place for Allan is anyone guess.....

Allan sat smugly awaiting OH return from the Mothers Union...all the time thinking do they call each other sisters or mothers in the Mother Union....

OH finally returned and went to the kitchen "I fancy a nice cup of tea Allan how about you".....oh no horror of horrors OH never had a cup of tea nice or otherwise without a.....

Allan was desperate , he didn't want a holiday where he'd be frozen to the marrow,so waiting while OH goes to the mothers Union he ponders on his next move.
Bingo! I'll hide the passports.....

Are we back to prize marrows pondered Allan....another mystery of life....

OH saw Allan mankini and screamed "Longjohns Allan you'll be cold in that thing"...she shuddered just thinking about the expressions last time he wore that thing....he'd told her it was a nature place or so she thought....now then where's the passports......

The green mankini he'd bought on a previous visit to a nudist beach.
Allan being the shy retiring type wore it to preserve his modesty whilst playing

Then Allan wondered why this stranger/shipmate was even in his house had his wife found him on a quay somewhere, or had he always been there but no one could see him. Allan knew this man one major flaw....all good husbands always know not expect their wife is right :-)

Allan didn't fancy any "holiday" that involved longjohns so he went to find his best sparkly budgie smugglers.....instead he found....

realised he couldn't have a shower without getting wet. He often wonders where does fire go when it goes out.

Still, he felt much better having realised that his new found shipmate was so hen-pecked, he was still taking orders from his first wife. The poor downtrodden fellow would end every argument with "I expect you are right!"

Of course OH wouldn't listen to Allan anyway so she made the choice....let's make it a surprise and as I thought earlier....Kayaking in the South Pole it is...

Allan wondered how much chapstick he'd need.

"Go try on your longjohns Allan" OH declared.....

instead Allan........

"We either go on a cruise to Sydney, spend a few days there and return on the train, or, we can go on the train to Sydney, spend a few days there and return on a ship"

"those aren't alternatives," muttered Allan, rebelliously

"The choice is yours" responded his OH, "Otherwise, I'll decide!"

Allan wasn't listening to OH "Why has she tied me to a chair not her normal behaviour" he thought....

OH had started to trawl the internet for possible last minute holiday choices....

"So we can go rock climbing in New Zealand.......Kayaking in the South Pole...or my favourite mountain biking in the Himalayas......"

Panic swept across Allan face "Oh that's why she tied me down to stop me running away"

Then...another light bulb moment.....

So back to home sweet home, and the drawing board.
OH had finally relieved Allan of his pink tutu and got him strapped to a chair and declared " I'm gonna sort this holiday business out once and for all,now here are your options"

vivid pink tutu, but it was al too too much for his OH who, grabbing him by the marrow, and ignoring the catcalls from the other patrons, rushed him out of that den of iniquity and into a waiting taxi.

Allan's main regret was having to leave all those Pina Colada's behind as well as that extremely nice, if rather hefty, Sammy.

He'd always liked the name Samantha although there was something about this one that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

His OH made sure that he never would.

some of these other nice young ladies will be able to help him....there's a lot of ladies here with big feet and five o'clock shadows...oh well..."Anyone got spare clothes and shoes please and a drink for a lost soul" shouted Allan

Suddenly he had more Pina Coladas than he could ever hope for....but he didn't care because he looked so great in this......

You were not allowed in the bar without shoes, Allan wondered if might borrow some from the landlady,she looks as though she wears size 12s or maybe......

Sadly Allan was already around the corner before he remembered he was completely naked still, and worse had no money. "I know" he said "I'll be like the Emperors new clothes hopefully everyone will just assume I'm wearing clothes"

So off he went........unfortunately no clothes also meant no shoes and....

"I'm off to the saloon bar".

"Facelift.....why waste money on a facelift sweetie when you're perfect already".....was what Allan meant to say....but what he actually said was........

.."I'll never be able to show my face again - it's all too embarrassing"

Then she has a light bulb moment - she'll use the holiday money to buy the face lift she fancied.

Roasted prize Marrow was on his mind not the fact that the church Ladies bible reading group was just exiting the church across from Allan house.

Allan tried not to laugh as they fainted and knocked into each other like a row of dominoes.

OH screamed..............