General Chat

The thought of all that puzzled Allan no end as it had nothing to do with the current situation other than a mere passing reference from another vague rambling.
Allan smacked himself around the face with a wet sock, rather foolish to say the least it just out of boiling water and all, but it did the trick.

Back to food.....Allan found something he might actually eat.....a little bit of toast...for some reason Paul Young came into his mind in an 80's flash back...Allan shook his head...too many bumps on the head.....now all he could hear was a woman singing....was it a Mermaid??.....

Magic and unicorns are very much in vogue especially with submariners.
Andrew Marr had one on his show this morning armed with the latest admiralty charts and some recipes pv varying attractiveness depending on your unicron.

However, saddling up anything and riding into the sunset would be impossible in a submarine, particularly one that was currently submerged at about thirty metres.

The unicorn would, however, come in handy later.

So now there were two ducks, not a good way to start the new Ashes Tests

So he saddled up his unicorn and rode away into the sunset.

but as the duck adjusted it's headwear Allan realised it must be a Bombay Duck. Hmm though Allan there is something fishy going on here so he ….

A duck's head peered back.

Ah, thought Allan, this must be peeking duck.

He lifted the lid of a large saucepan bubbling on the stove and peered in.

He was none the wiser, but it did look like a brown liquid that could be tea.
"Strange way to make a cup of tea", thought Allan, but then life was far from normal at the moment, so he accepted that things might be done differently, when at sea.

That was until he saw something come bubbling to the surface.
"Whatever is it?" thought Allan, then realised the object had stripes on it.
"That looks just like one of my socks", he said, then noticed a similar object had also come to the surface. " They ARE socks, ............"Why?"

Just then he was joined by the ship's cook, who ladled out some of the saucepan's contents into a mug. Noticing Allan's mystified look, he proclaimed that the liquid was "Just right", and set it aside.
Allan felt that the situation did not look at all promising regarding drinks, but would the food be better?

He lifted the lid of another saucepan and peered in............

Allan helped plot a course and hoped no one would realize it was a figure of eight too quickly.....this bought him some time....

OH meanwhile was rather missing Allan and his silly little ways....everyone around her wanted to help find Allan just to shut her up.....dear Allan this sweet Allan that.....even Rick had enough and went off with one of the crew.

Allan meanwhile found the Galley....he suddenly realized how hungry he was now what's for dinner.......

Allan's head was crowded with thoughts, as well as multiple personalities, including a more recent one that he couldn't put a name to.

He had also armed himself with some tools which he hoped could help out once he knew where he was.

One of these tools was a can opener purloined from the galley. Why they couldn't fit submarines with a ring pull like ordinary sardine cans he just didn't know.

Still, he had the Captain to face first.

"Tell me, Captain, do you have a sextant?" queried Allan

"What, one of those church wallahs? I'm afraid not; we don't even have a Padre" replied the Captain.

"A sextant, not a sexton. it's a device for taking sights on objects to determine the position of your boat. It's a weird looking instrument " explained Allan

"Oh that thing! We were issued with one but no one knew what it was for or how to use it so we advertised on eBay"

Allan knew that not only was it going to be one of those days, but possibly one of those weeks or even a year

Now thought Allan, will those maps help me escape Captain Nemos underground city once I have rescued Nemo?

and he was being asked to literally save Nemo!!

…. that the Captain looked remarkably like Captain Nemo.

The flowery top didn't really go with the rest of the ensemble, but who was Allan to beg and choose? He'd rather have had a jacket with fetching braid, but guessed that might look as if he felt he was superior in rank to the Captain. "No", he'd accept willingly the donated outfit and so presented himself to the Captain.

The Captain welcomed him and ushered him across to a huge table, where large maps were spread out, weighted at their sides with weighty books.

Allan felt bewildered. What were all those strange markings? Lots of mentions of fathoms, troughs and sandbars. Where was this place ? It didn't look at all like the England that Allan had known. Surely coastal erosion hadn't changed things that much since he left the old country.

Then he realised....

Hmm thought Allan as he surveyed the outfit....if the sub lieutenant didn't give me any clothing then where did this flowery top come from?

Allan regained consciousness to the unholy sight of a sailor not so much looming over him, rather more leering at him

"Well hello, Ducky. How are we feeling now? By the way I'm the Bosun's Mate."

There was something about the emphasis on the word 'mate' that made Allan shudder.

"Better, thank you." Allan replied, "What happened?"

"You passed out," the Bosun's Mate explained, "t seems your tights, which by the way were an exquisite shade of green, were just a little too tight and cut your circulation off."

"Were?" queried Allan

"Yes Ducky. I had to cut them off to restore your circulation. And now that you're feeling better the Captain wants to see you"

"But I've nothing to wear." Allan pointed out

"Don't worry," said the Bosun's Mate, "Most of the crew chipped in with the odd bit of surplus uniform. The only one we didn't ask was the sub lieutenant. She would have offered you something, but after those tights we thought that you might want a change from ladies underwear"

The captain had Allan dispatched to the sick bay and kept under surveillance , ....

After Allan hopped on board the first thought that crossed his mind was....submarine....tighter than tight tights....good idea???
Then as the hatch was closed and he noticed no windows he discovered something new about himself, and they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, he suffered from claustrophobia......
How to overcome this.......hmmmm...I know.....Oh Captain old chap.....I'm afraid the only way I can direct you is from up there outside.....unfortunately that's what he wanted to say but what he actually said was "ahhhhhhhh....walls moving in.....dying......blackness..."............

Meanwhile, Allan, after a bit of rummaging around, found a parachute. Hoping it wasn’t the one he’d seen on eBay advertised as ‘only used once, never been opened’ he quickly donned it and opened the plane’s rear door.

With a leap of faith, mixed with a fair amount of terror, he stepped into the void.

Glancing back at the plane the last thing that he saw was his wife’s face with an expression of amazement and at her side what appeared to be a life sized chocolate bar.

Now to say that Allan hadn’t thought this through is akin to asking if the Pope goes to Church every Sunday.

As the ‘chute deployed, Allan looked down at an expanse of blue.

Was it the Pacific Ocean? The Atlantic Ocean? He was clueless (as always)

He hit the water pretty hard and was wondering, even wandering, in which direction to swim when suddenly a mighty turbulence erupted on the water’s surface and a mammoth black shape arose from the depths.

It was a submarine

(Now I should explain that many authors of fiction use stories within the main story, or little sideways steps away from the main events to create a bit more tension. These are known as subplots. Which is precisely what this is ;-) :-))

The hatch on the conning tower opened and a person in Naval uniform looked down at Allan and said in a crisp British Accent “I say, old bean, do you know the way to England?”

Resisting the urge to reply “No, I’m a stranger here myself” Allan seized the opportunity to cadge a lift.

“If you could give me a lift, I could give you directions” Allan lied through his teeth.

“Righto,” said the captain , “Hop on board"

..
To stick the needle in.







Well Alan had been wearing those sparkly tights a long time and little holes were appearing. She didn’t,t want ladders starting - as they might give Allan a way out!

Finally had a chocolate meltdown ramming a fistful of chocolate into Rik's face and left taking the remaining chocolates and moved nearer to the cockpit in case she needed ........