General Chat

And as if by magic a roundabout appeared.

Dougal, Florence, and Zeberdee began boinging around.

'Ow wow, those colours' said Allan. ' Give me a pair of sunglasses, I cannot bear all those citrus colours, orange is sweet, but lemons make me bitter.'

North south, est or west.

What Allan needs is a roundabout!

Careful making that u-turn Allan. It could mean your OH taking over the Travelog and she's already in your head.


Isn't she? ;-)

"Steel yourself," exclaimed Allan to his wife, "I think, unusually I've gone off in the wrong direction".

This was quite an admission on his part, because men always know the right way to go anywhere, but OH just smiled sweetly and said,
"Well what's to be done, then?"

"A U turn", answered Allan and so

Oh Please turn off the motorway cried the people of Sheffield. We've had enough of alien invaders and that b....y doctor has only gpne off and left us again!

they realised they should be on the A606 to Melton Mowbray for their Pork Pie..

Talk about Groundhog day....sure enough there it was all nice and warm engine running and bonus sandwiches and a flask of tea....

They got back onto the M1 and off they went until....

'I wouldn't know,' Allan retorted, 'I have no way of making a comparison.'

Leaving behind a baffled Green man, Allan and his wife walked out of the Services, only just managing to avoid the police who were in the process of arresting the two poor mugging victims.

Wait a moment, thought Allan, where there are police on the scene there is usually a police vehicle with the keys still in the ignition.

Allan also wondered just why no one was worried that there was a tree inside the service station let alone a flying arrow.....
"Hey" said Allan to tight wearing stranger "If you're the real Robin Hood you help the poor....well we're poor travelers how can you help us?"

"Dear Sir you seem to be confused....I am not Robin Hood but Green arrow....are you a little guy in need of defending?"

It was either Richard Greene, or Lorne Greene who may have inadvertently entered the wrong studio.

Allan stared at the green tights and felt sick.

He distinctly remembered the problems than a similar pair, albeit a bit more sparkly, had caused him not so long ago.

Boing! A resounding twang as an arrow whistled past their ears and buried itself into a nearby tree.

'Hello' thought Allan, could that indeed be Richard Green striding towards me, in his green hose and Little John?

The Sheriff of Nottingham, thought Allan.

We are heading for the untamed, uncouth and mostly uninhabited North, not the Wild West.

Neither were Roy Rogers or the Lone Ranger going to stop them, although a loan arranger might give them pause for thought

But will the Sheriff of Nottingham let the pass?

A display put on by local travel agents!

Allan could have wept.

Pausing only to mug two passers-by, steal their clothes and then report the victims to the police for indecent exposure, Allan and his wife, both now more suitably clothed, entered the display area.

They were nearly killed in the rush of agents to attend to their needs

'Where would you like to go' was the common cry

'Where are we?' queried Allan

Forty pairs of eyes took on a glazed appearance

'You're here' responded one agent

'Yes I know that,' responded Allan, 'But precisely where is here?'

'Trowell. You're at the Trowell Services just near Nottingham'

Allan could not believe his luck, nor his ability to Google services on the M1

At least, and at last, they were heading in the right direction and the voices in his head would just have to live with it. He would show them who's the boss

Allan wondered if he was at the mercy of fate regarding which direction they were heading, but then he had an idea.

"LEAN TO THE LEFT." he shouted to OH.
Her days since Girl Guides were long since past and she leaned wildly to the right.

"Left woman, LEFT",he yelled and OH flung herself in that direction and their seat veered off up the nearest slip road and went down a ramp into a service station.

'Civilisation, ' thought Allan.
Perhaps they'd find a road map and be able to get another lift there.

Walking through the foyer, they were surprised to see........

A pack of foxes that had been gingerly eyeing up the henhouse of the local farm.

Alerted to the smell of blood from the pudding, they rounded and chased after Allan and his OH...

This had the desired effect.but bruising the skin of the black pudding released all manner of tempting aromas and soon they were followed by.........

he hurriedly removed the ring of black pudding and using some of the string from the capacious bag, tied it the pudding and (holding onto the string) threw the pudding overboard to act as a drag to slow the back seat down.

Perpetual motion was in full force, the whole back seat was hurtling down the road after the car.

Allan could see that Ramsbottom was still behind the wheel, but he was glaring at them in the rear-view mirror. A trail of black puddings were littering the road behind the car, Allan wondered what the news reports would make of that when they broadcast the bulletin.

A whole black pudding bounced up from the tarmac and managed to make a necklace around Allan's neck...….

It took longer than he thought cutting that hole, when retelling the story he would say the enormous size was because he didn't want OH getting stuck if it was too small....what with him being a gentleman and letting her go first...to cushion his fall and all.........anyway as he thought he'd cut enough it was confirmed...when the entire front and back seat suddenly fell to the road surface....sending showers of sparks everywhere and screams of "By heck it's happened again" from Mr Ramsbottom.....