General Chat

He can swim, not very well, but that doesn't matter.

Allan had, in fact, arranged with the submarine skipper from umpteen pages ago to rendezvous with him at these precise co-ordinates :-P

forgetting he couldn't swim :-P :-D

Allan jumped overboard

Fear not because just as all seemed to be lost......

Allan decided to make a decision as already noted....

On storming off in a huff OH saw him in a different light and liked what she saw.

Before you could say

" Funny, reely," he said. "You spend your whole life goin' to school and learnin' stuff, and they never tell you about stuff like the Bermuda Triangle and UFOs and all these Old Masters running around the inside of the Earth. Why do we have to learn boring stuff when there's all this brilliant stuff we could be learnin', that's what I want to know."
(Terry Pratchett)

Allan and OH were on a cruise ship already sailing to Bermuda. She liked this new Allan and didn't question where all the new clothes came from nor how Allan was affording it all.

But then just as they were almost at the Island........

Well, he hadn't the shorts to go to Bermuda and the only triangle he had known was the one belonging to the school band.

Mind you it was very suspicious that all the band instruments were placed in a cupboard after one day's performance and the following day only the triangle was to be found, looking very smug and somehow more rounded, giving off the occasional belch.

By now, Allan could fully empathise with these lyrics:

He's a real nowhere man
Sitting in his nowhere land
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody

Doesn't have a point of view
Knows not where he's going to
Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere Man, please listen
You don't know what you're missing
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command

He's as blind as he can be
Just sees what he wants to see
Nowhere Man can you see me at all?

Nowhere Man, don't worry
Take your time, don't hurry
Leave it all till somebody else lends you a hand

Doesn't have a point of view
Knows not where he's going to
Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere Man, please listen
You don't know what you're missing
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command

He's a real Nowhere Man
Sitting in his nowhere land
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody

Poor Allan. He might get carted off in a padded wagon.

He is so confused that even his alternate personalities are not sure where he is.
;-)

Or maybe Allan doesn't know his East from his West...well he spends so long upside down it gets confusing...and he still did want to go to Bermuda....and maybe the triangle wouldn't show it's face in his travel tales....or maybe it will.... :-D ;-)

Oh good. Thought Allan’s OH. Much as I fancied going to Bermuda I didn’t,t want to end up in that triangle thing. Strange things happen there.

Archie Peligough and OH. Allan stumbled to the door of the bookshop and called to them. They turned.

'Oh man up Allan.' snorted Archie, don't tell me you have a bit of dirt in your eye, I wont believe it. You were the same when you feel into that termite hill. Then tried to pretend you were Gregory Peck in that filum.

'I have made a decision you two. We are heading south-east!' Allan retorted, and stormed off in a huff, what could possibly go wrong?

"...Oh look...Bermuda I've always wanted to go there and so does OH wonder where she is??"......as if by magic who should stumble past the shop window right then...none other than.....

Was he recalling that termite hill that was an itchy memory earlier on in his travels?

Oh.... there's a book on architecture

'Explore the Archipelago'.... That should be a safe read.

.. at all the pretty pictures of

Ants.

Allan look up and down the street, and yes indeed, there was that famous chain of book shops LiquidPebbles.

'Ah ha!' though Allan 'I shall have a saunter around the black bookshelves to see if I can find inspiration for my next plan. I am starting to get homesick, I have no fresh clothes, and I am getting hungry again. Perhaps I can find something on the shelf labelled Travel.'

Allan spied a book entitled Lonely Planet 'Nothing like stating the obvious' thought Allan.

Allan selected the section entitled The Antipodes, and stifled a sob...…..

:-D :-D

It seems before he does anything else Allan needed a Dickanary or to go to another thread :-D

Allan looked for the nearest book store...but no one seemed to know what that was....does no one read these days....

Well from the tailor's of course, where else would he obtain a straight jacket (is that the correct spelling, he wondered) and it must have one centre vent, not two side ones.

He already had and adequate supply of pears of trousers.

He was also after a knighthood as he wanted something to keep his ears warm when he was sleeping

Stout rope and handcuffs....you just don't know what goes on in other peoples copious bags do you.... :-D

Escape act....well he's had a few calls already....

If only he had a straitjacket.....now where might he find one of those....

One thing that OH had plenty of in her bag was stout rope.

All different thicknesses were there of varying lengths. Now that should be useful for a trick or two.

Allan decided that now would be a good time to perfect his...........

he could go and find out where all those coconuts came from.

Allan remembered seeing an old black and white fillum with that nice Mr Guiness, where said Mr G. ended up on a tropical island (after doing some kind of nasty deeds of the criminal kind) being a tailor by day, but by night, he was waited on hand and foot by lovely native girls in grass skirts, pouring the local liquor into coconut shells.

Allan began to sweat, not a good idea as she needed a clean change of shirt

Could he wing it over to a tropical isle, or would be marooned in a lighthouse with only the weather forecast for company?

What would OH's copious bag hold for them....

Why bother going back to Australia everything he needed was in his OH copious bag??

He could lock himself in a hotel room and ask for passage to Australia....unfortunately, that had a chance of being rerouted to Canada so might not be the best method...

He could sell his body....no we won't go there....

He could set up a GoFundMe page........"Hi I'm Allan I need to get home to Oz to get clean clothes....someone had to tell him-don't stand downwind....and then it's off to be a lighthouse keeper"

OR........

Actually Allan had first to work out how to pay for his trip back to Oz

Jabs?

Euphemisms?

Allan had always thought that a euphemism was a brass wind instrument, but he was always open to being corrected.

How to raise the fare back to Australia?

No doubt the collective voices in his head would be on hand to offer advice and in so doing to cause mayhem and carnage along the way.