General Chat

Every man sings in Wales not the women is nothing sacred these days?? :-D

It was all a tad fishy if you ask me all this Jonah stuff.

The problem with the singing was two fold first they were singing different songs and secondly neither could hold a tune.

The songs they were both singing were.........

Allan and his wife started to sing because, as is known by all, everyone sings in Wales

it's behind you........

OMG! If Allan is Jonah where is............

The captain of the boat was out of his depth.

Allan suggested that they surface and call the AA, or the maritime version thereof.

Failing that, they could always ask for help from the several warships currently trying to hunt them down.

The captain had a vision of a very short naval career terminated by a one-sided discussion with the Admiral followed by a Board of Inquiry and quite possibly a court-martial.

Allan was wondering why the Captain kept calling him Jonah

and of course it did.....first Allan didn't duck when he went through the door....once his head was well and truly knocked he staggered around arms all flaying...until he managed to steady himself by holding onto a great big lever....which of course he pulled....as he did so alarm bells ran out....deafening everyone just as they'd regained their hearing....

Well that was a mistake. He should have been concentrating. This was an old sub, low ceilings, pipe work and cables running along it making the height even lower.

And then there were the hatch doorways to step through.

All sorts of things can happen.......

Allan strode manfully to the radio room. A sailor sat in front of the machinery, doing a word-search. He was circling the clues with crayons, not a good sign.

'So' said Allan 'do you send regular verbal messages, or is in Morse code?'

'No, not Morse sir' said the sailor 'he is long gawn sir, Sgt Lewis has taken his place'

Thus puzzled Allan, but he Endeavoured to carry on. 'No, you fool, can you send a message for me?'

'Certainly sir, what message did you want? A random one, or one from the book we have here?' the sailor produced a thumbed pamphlet from the drawer in the desk, it contained hundreds of standard messages.

'Just say, Mayday, help needed, and send our co-ordinates'

'Just as you wish sir, 1st May, and a matching tank top and shorts'

Allan walked away, shaking his head...……………...

Not really thought Allan, as they gave him bad wind, although that may be useful in flying the flags.

Dismissing that particular thought, and remembering that they were on a submarine, where access to fresh air was extremely limited, Allan decided to find the radio room and hopefully send a message calling for help.

Allan, being ever resourceful and inventive realised the limitations this might mean and vowed to increase their chances of sending a useful message.

..........not that there was anything wrong with placing a request for 2 .99s. ...indeed they would be much enjoyed, but wouldn't really help their present situation.

What they needed was something to increase the range of colours.

OH who had much experience in culinary matters suggested that they would find natural dyes in the galley.

Onions and beetroot might be a good start.....................

...and the colours OH had in her bag only spelled out 'Two 99 ice creams - please.'
(the 'please' is important)

Allan hadn't the heart, or the courage, to point out to his OH that to signal with the flags would involve going on to the deck.

There were two drawbacks with this (which were in fact two sides of the same coin)

a) they were currently submersed at about one hundred metres below the surface

b) to reach the deck would involve opening at least one hatch with catastrophic results

c) (Allan was never very good at maths) in either case the flags would become very wet and not flutter proudly in the wind

Luckily AllanaOH always remembered her mothers instructions to never go out without a hankie.

So rummaging in her capacious bag she pulled out several coloured hankies. Hopefully the crew would not have forgotten how to signal with flags...

Weather ( ;-)) he had anything to be jealous of will never be known as just at point Allan's wife stumbled into the area and putting two and two together made five (maths had never been her strongest subject at school)

She stood in the doorway and let out a piercing scream.

The scream, happy to be released, sauntered, nay, ran, through all areas of the submarine.

Unfortunately, the sub happened to be on silent running at that particular moment in time as it was taking part in a wider submarine tracking exercise.

Not only did the sonar operator in the sub suffer from burst ear drums, but also several similar operators in the surface ships trying to hunt it.

The fact that many knew where the sub was but were unable to communicate its position to those fortunate few who still had all their senses was particularly irksome.

The scream was not just reverberating around the submarine, but positively enjoying its fifteen seconds of fame.

By now all the sub's crew members had been rendered speechless, not that they had lost the power of speech, but when your hearing is temporarily lost what is the point of trying to make yourself heard.

but what exactly was he jealous of ???? why Allan fine head of hair of course and his calm head in any situation.....how could Allan convince him he had nothing to be jealous of??....

..and the Bosun was a very jealous man....

The Bosun's Mate

Allan closed his eyes, and listened to the throb of the engine. Either that, or it was the pulse in his temples. Slowly, he began to relax.

A hand began to gently stroke his forehead. Allan did not open his eyes, because he knew the tender touch of OH.

'Sssshhhhh' said the body attached to the hand, and Allan began to relax and sink further into the rock hard bunk.

It was only when the hand began to move toward his scalp and pull his hair, did Allan open his eyes, and came face to face with...………..

To his annoyance, and possibly to the annoyance of others who will shortly be humming to themselves, a little ditty sprang up in what passed for Allan's mind;

when you're down by the sea and an eel bites your knee, that's a Moray.

Allan gave up the search for parachutes and decided to lie down in a darkened cabin until he felt a bit better

Admit it you've got Captain Pugwash theme tune going through your head right now :-D
So off they went in search of the missiles....shouldn't be too hard to find should it??
As luck would have it Allan found a map on the wall....You are here type.....but where are the missiles.....hmmm.....hey why's there an area marked Ssshhhh top secret?? What could be there???.....