General Chat

and a puncture repair kit.

The actual hissing came from an extremely annoyed snake whose afternoon siesta had been violently interrupted by the rescue parcel landing on its head.

Deciding that discretion was the better part of valour, Allan and his wife backed slowly away and decided to look for a genuine ship of the desert complete with a set of bricks

The smoke from the two lolly sticks alerted a rescue plane, who zoomed overhead and dropped a canvas parcel.

'Brilliant' thought Allan, 'food supplies, a map, and some means of getting out of here'

Allan and OH rushed to open the parcel, and as they did, a loud hissing noise came from inside. An inflatable dinghy...….

As it had been Allan,s birthday in his other life, his OH took the sticks and rubbed them together. When they were alight she let Allan blow them out.

Allan got back to digging n the sad for wood for his land yacht.

All he’s come up with so far is a couple of buried lolly sticks.

As his mind wandered, Allan thought of the Foreign Legion which he thought was beautiful joke or, as the French say, a beau geste.

Suddenly a French jet fighter appeared and zoomed over the horizon with the roar of jet engines at full throttle.

Scared at first, Allan relaxed as he realised that it was only a Mirage.

...but it just turned out to be the frosty silence from hisOH.

To pass the time Allan started to draw in the sand. His best plan was to find a couple of pieces of wood and with a pair of his O H,s bloomers as a sail he could make a sand yacht to speed them on their way.

And in a flash the girl with the coconuts disappeared. The heat of the mid-day sun was making them see a mirage.

Sporting a white parasol OH set her best foot forward, and the other followed. Allan tucked a tea-towel into the back of his topi, and they trudged eastward again.

'Maybe if we use some of this water, and our bucket and spades, we can make a sandcastle' said Allan deleriously. OH rolled up her parasol, clouted Allan, and unfurled it again.

Under the burning sun, they saw a land-rover in the distance, one person at the steering wheel, the other three pushing.

'Reminds me of Ice Cold in Alex, said Allan......

'She's got a lovely bunch of coconuts,'

And sure enough, there was the young lady who had turned up at most places on their odyssey.

What could this portend, or in the young lady's case, pretend?

Pulling a sheet of canvas from the capacious bag, Allan and OH made a bivvy and settled down for the night.

Night fell, and dented the outside of the canvas. The temperature dropped too, and made a dent on the other side.


As the sun rose the next morning, they awoke to find they were in sight of an Oasis. Gamely they marched on to the watering hole, to fill up their canteens. As they approached the Oasis they heard a lot of shouting and swearing, twas Liam and Noel being their usual friendly selves.


'Not much Morning Glory around here' thought Allan.

'What's the Story, Lads?' Allan said to the brothers, they turned and replied......

They decided to bunker down for the night and make a decision in the morning

One should always travel with a Pith helmet and a pith pony....that speech problem Allan had was sometimes an issue :-D

Eastwards they trudged until they reached a sand dune....go around or go over??

Allan had no idea what the occupants in his head were talking about so he decided to ignore them.

Still journeying eastwards they paused only to enable his wife to put on a yasmak, as and it had started to yas down.

Allan decided to wear his pith helmet in case the weather got worse

But beware that capacious bag being waved in the air. Because that girl in the yellow and green, not only smoked cheroots but indulged in quite a bit of kissing!

No but her petticoat was yellow, and her little cap was green, as pretty as a picture.

Suitably attired, they trudges East.....

Well, flying fishes will be a change from flying monkeys.

But is the OH called Dawn?

Cos' "...dawn comes up like thunder...." :-D

Allan mused that the Thong was indeed created by Phillipe Pherlop.

'It aint alf hot Mum' said Allan to OH. Allan received a clout for his trouble.

Nevertheless, the bag contained various khaki shorts, blousons and topi's. Just the job for finding The Road to Mandalay.

As the sun set Allan started to hum a few bars of 'Just a Thong at Twilight' and sighed, as he never wore thong on his feet nor anywhere else for that matter

.........his thongs ;-)

He wondered whether he had the correct clothes for such a place, then remembered that OH would be able to come to the rescue on that score, because in her bag she had tucked away..................

the desert, having just taken the hump.

Like this story, he had no idea were he was heading and even his wife had now resorted to domestic violence.

It was the word resorted that gave him an idea; he would try to reach the holiday town of Costa del Plenty