General Chat

speaking to them in a broad Lancashire accent so,of course, they had no idea what she was talking about, what with them being from 'forrin parts'

Whilst Allan was floating in happiness ( ;-)) he didn’t, notice that Ant & Dec had taken control of the rather strange raft but his OH had and she was...........

Hmmm! The jungles of the Antipodes could be the best place for some of the so-called, self-styled, celebrities, together with social media 'influencers' particularly if the jungles were home to several tribes of cannibals.

The above was Allan's thinking on a good day; if he had been having a bad day his thoughts would be unprintable.

However, to continue...…


And soon I heard a roaring wind:
It did not come anear;
But with its sound it shook the sails,
That were so thin and sere.


The upper air burst into life!
And a hundred fire-flags sheen,
To and fro they were hurried about!
And to and fro, and in and out,
The wan stars danced between.

And the coming wind did roar more loud,
And the sails did sigh like sedge,
And the rain poured down from one black cloud;
The Moon was at its edge.

Allan had found the poppies in his wife's rather large, and now nearly empty, bag

Allan's home.

His very own, spiritual home.


Where he puts his feet up at night, after a long and stressful day.


Like the never ending days where he cannot get home.

But whose home?

One of the voices in Allan's head explained that Ant and Dec are two genial Geordie hosts of a programme that sees 'celebs' taking part in a game show in the Jungle in the Antipodes.

Thus saying, as the beans did their worst, all four of the occupants of the raft sallied forward towards the horizon and hopefully...…………….Home.

Obviously, from different continents, Allan and OH had no idea what ant was other than a six-legged insect, and as for dec, that could have been a corruption of the word December, or a very poor spelling of the word deck.

Either way, the beans that Allan and OH had been living on for weeks began to take effect and at last the wind blew.

Whilst OH appreciated a bit of Coleridge, as she had been to Coleridge herself, she kicked Allan in the shins.

'Get Us Out Of Here!' she screamed.

And as if by magic Ant and Dec appeared.....

All in a hot and copper sky,
The bloody Sun, at noon,
Right up above the mast did stand,
No bigger than the Moon.


Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted raft,
Upon a painted ocean

Water, water, every where,
And all the material did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

But first there seemed to be a lot of trouble getting lift off.

It seems they were destined to be in a world of their own. ;-)

Over the sea to an Island of Dreams

Far better than a continent of nightmares

OH peered into her capacious bag and pulled out a length of strong material.

Allan was a dab hand at fixing things, so soon had the cloth fashioned and fastened as a super sail for his raft.

This would get them along at a fine speed..but where to..?

Being clever llamas they managed to chew some wool from each other, combine it with some coconut fibre, source a weaving machine and made a raft that could be used for both sea and land. If that did not get them to the next part of their journey nothing would.

So orft they jolly well went!

Not at all, this was a bunch of coconuts with a beautiful lady! :-S

What they lacked in moral fibre was adequately compensated for by coconut fibre.

The llamas went into attack mode :-0

There were 3 llamas so that was lucky.
One for Allan. One for OH. And one for the capacious bag.

Giving his llama a dig in the ribs, and a 'Hey'haw' off they went across the Lake to the other side.


Stumbling up onto the shore, they were confronted by.....











(not the lady with the coconuts!)

Getting the llamas down to the sea was easy. Allan just followed the direction of this thread which was wallowing in the shallows :-0 :-D

He had no need to worry about the cod as these llamas were related to the Dalai Llama, as the Mongolic word Dalai derives from 'Ocean', or big, so there were plenty of other fish in the sea :-P ;-)

Unfortunatley this Lake didn't contain any cod as cod is a sea fish.

So Allan needed to get the llamas moving off down the mountain to the sea.

Fortunately for Allan this llama was so mad it was spitting chips.

All they needed now was the cod they had heard people singing about, a deep pan, a load of dripping and a fire, and they could have a nice plate of dish and chips.

Allan's OH would do the battering!

Allan remembered a cartoon from his yoof called Banana Man. He was clever and dashing, and could do all manner of super things.

Allan straightened up at this thought, and as he did a great globule of llama spit slid down his neck......